To All The Karma Chameleons In Our Lives: May You Stay Far, Far Away

“Is there loving in your eyes all the way.
If I listened to your lies would you say” -  You know the type. They say one thing. Do another. I’ve had people in my life – friends, family, acquaintances – who seem so sincere. And I believe them. And then my heart is stomped.

“Didn’t hear your wicked words every day
and you used to be so sweet” – The lesson that is so, so difficult to learn is how to recognize these karma chameleons, these psychic vampires, and stay far, far away. I am horrible at this. I don’t recognize them. I give them every benefit of the doubt. Everyone else seems to see through them but me.

“You string along, you string along” – There’s that saying “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” I get fooled twice, thrice and….well, four times quite a bit. And then some. It’s frustrating. It’s maddening. But it’s all on me. It’s a part of me I love – seeing the good and not the bad. Giving the second and third chances. Starting anew with someone that’s just a little misunderstood. But it’s a part of me I hate. Getting my heart trounced on. Being made the fool over and over again.

“Every day is like survival” – That was my childhood. Finding ways to survive. Finding ways to cope and thrive in a dysfunctional relationship with my mother. What thrills me is that I escaped, relatively unscathed. What frustrates me is that there are people in my life that remind me I haven’t quite learned the lesson.

“Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon,
you come and go, you come and go.” – I’m not a vengeful person but I do hope that karma bites these chameleons in the butt some time. Hoping they learn the lesson they’re supposed to learn.

“Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon,
you come and go, you come and go.
Loving would be easy if your colors were like my dreams,
red gold and green, red gold and green.” – I will still give people the benefit of the doubt. I will still be fooled. I’m working on noticing it sooner. And I’m trying to find the balance between recognizing the chameleons but maintaining my sunny, optimistic view.  I don’t want to be hardened. I don’t want to be cynical. I am teetering between the two sides, desperately not wanting to fall.

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17 Comments

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17 responses to “To All The Karma Chameleons In Our Lives: May You Stay Far, Far Away

  1. Hi Jane:

    Although my childhood was fine, I still have the same trouble you do…I trust everybody until they give me a reason not to…I’ve guessed wrong many times!

    I’m the girl who, when a friend told me they had taken the word “gullible” out of the dictionary, said, “Oh, really?”

    Wendy

  2. It is interesting that my childhood was less than fine at many points, which has made me not exactly distrustful of people, but wary, and very parsimonious when it comes to giving of myself, always holding back lest I should get hurt.

    So, I admire the fact that you do give people the benefit of the doubt and do give of yourself. Yes, you stand more chance of being hurt, but you also stand more chance of finding the diamonds in the rough.

  3. Ahhh, Jane, how familiar this is. I know we’ve had similar experiences with the mother thing. It’s hard to not let it affect everything, going either way. I think I err sometimes on the jaded or cynical side, or even a little hardened. I wish I could trust a little more easily. I envy you that a little. I wouldn’t call you a fool… more like a Dumbledore — seeing the good in everyone and giving everyone a chance because you never know when someone is going to turn their crap around. That’s what I struggle with… being hurt one too many times. With me it’s fool me once, you’re done. You want my trust? Earn it back. And then I’m really tough on grading for the effort. It takes me a while, but I’m getting there. And then you have a situation like what I’m going through currently: a stalker I had several years ago in another country (yours) tracked me down just yesterday. That’s someone I don’t give second chances to, you know?

  4. My granny always said “Sweetie, trust everyone but always cut the cards.” Take heart, it does come around in spades. And sometimes you are lucky enough to see it happen!

  5. I think I swing back and forth. Or coexist with an element of (stubborn) optimism and (weary) cynicism.

    Life’s little lessons. They’ve taught me to believe in both.

    But not sure I buy the karmic retribution shtick for those who sing that tune. Some days, I wish I did.

  6. Oh my gosh … your words sound exactly the same as mine just a few weeks ago. It hurts and it is so very frustrating trying to believe and trust someone that has changed colors on you more than once. I hate that the lesson I am walking away with is “I can’t trust” … because that is not me. When you love someone it is so hard not to give them those 3rd, 4th, 5th chances … yet, how much heart stomping can we endure? When do you give up on them?

  7. Instead of the song ‘Mr. Celophane’ perhaps we can write on called ‘Ms. Gullible.’ I like to think I am just being fair to people before they rip me off once again.

  8. I have had enough of those occasions where I trusted when I should not have that I have grown very cautious. I hold back for a long time, protective wall around me. It takes a long time for that wall to come all the way down, and it does so rarely. Yet I don’t feel I’m missing out on anything; I don’t mind being a private person and sharing only what I feel is safe with most people. I have a select couple of people that I can open up all the way with, and that’s fine.

  9. Laughing at Katybeth’s comment! You are indeed a trusting, dewy-eyed kid…but this sarcastic, bitter Witch loves that about you.

  10. The relationship with my mom was fine. The one with my dad was a bit trying. He was overly strict and unforgiving, and expected perfection. And he never showed love or affection towards me.

    Like you, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt too. I’ve been taken advantage of and walked all over throughout my life. I’m the perpetual nice guy. It’s been a struggle to wake up and stand up for myself.

  11. unabridgedgirl

    I completely believe in karma. What goes around comes around. I believe it, and I’ve seen it happen. You’re so sweet, Jane, and you don’t deserve mean people in your life.

  12. Thank you for:

    1. Telling me the lyrics of a song I’ve been mis-singing for decades.

    2. Explaining to me what they mean.
    :)

    • Oops. I forgot to note…This version is not entirely correct….The first line is “There’s a loving in your eyes” not “Desert in your eyes.” Thanks for reminding me to point that out!

  13. While not truly cynical, I do not often allow myself to be in a position of being disappointed in people. I do not share my deep feelings no matter how I might be tempted to do so. Perhaps that comes from the experience of many years in corporate administration where almost everyone is ready to put footprints all over your back in order to make themselves look better.

    So…I have my husband and TWO friends in whom I have total and complete trust. It just makes my life more simple.

  14. I have done it many times. I suspect it just part of life. Don’t sweat it.

  15. Sorry you keep getting stomped, but selfishly happy because I never knew 85% of the lyrics to that Culture Club ditty. Thanks, all the people who’ve been terrible to Jane. You’ll get yours, I hope, because you are horrible awful nasty people for taking advantage of a pure soul. But thanks for the collateral lyrics lesson.

  16. We take karma pretty seriously in my household. I’ve been burned and know in my heart the karma police will get those who wrong, even if I won’t witness it happening.

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