The Pain Never Lasts Very Long

We were all working in the yard over the weekend. Spreading mulch, dividing daylillies, minor repairs. Side by side. The whole family. Ok. So, we had to bribe our daughter with gas money for her upcoming trip. But we were still having a great time. One big, happy family.

A thorn jabbed me under my nail. Deep. And it hurt.

“Ouch!” I cried.

My youngest son, all 7 years of him, rushed over, grabbed my hand and said, “Don’t worry, Mommy! The pain never lasts very long.”

I smiled. Savoring his wise words. Starting to dismiss them. Because our family has been struggling through a heaping basket full of minor and major mishaps for the past five months.

And then I realized, he’s right. In the huge (and in our case it has to be huge because we still haven’t seen the end to the crap parade that’s been coming down our street) grand scheme of things everything we’ve been going through is going to look like a tiny blip on the radar. Tiny. At least, fingers crossed, that’s what I’m predicting.

Have you ever sat there, in your comfortable life, thinking things were so hard? And wishing for the days when things were so easy? You’re in your forties, with college looming ahead for your daughter, wondering how in the world you’re going to help finance it and wishing you were in your thirties when her biggest expense was a new bicycle. Or you’re in your thirties, struggling to give your children everything they deserve, wrestling with their constant demands, wishing for the carefree life of college. Or you’re in college, struggling with studies and holding down two jobs to help pay for your existence and wishing for the easy days of high school when your biggest dilemma was what to wear or which social activity to attend.

It’s all relative.

And it’s true, the pain never lasts very long.

In a blink of an eye, your daughter is being placed in your arms at the airport. Sweet, cuddly little bundle of joy from Korea. Blink, blink. And she’s 10 years old, doing her adorable judges salute at the state gymnastics championships. Blink again and she’s struggling with a death of a boyfriend, honors and AP classes, essays for college applications.

Or she’s struggling with pain you feel you created for her. A dad, the man you married much too young and later divorced, who is making her feel like a burden, less than valued, an inconvenience. You try to take away her pain. You try to tell her the pain never lasts very long. But your words feel hollow and thin.

As much as this pain that she’s struggling with hurts right now, it is true. It will dissipate.

And be replaced with something new.

And thank goodness, that pain will never last very long either.

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18 Comments

Filed under children, Deep Thoughts, family, Lessons Learned, Motherhood, Observations, parenting, Problems

18 responses to “The Pain Never Lasts Very Long

  1. So true. My favorite words of the Bible “… and it came to pass…” It comes, only to pass, never to stay. :)

  2. What a sweet response! I’ve been thinking of you. Hoping you are okay. xo

  3. The seven year old is wise beyond his years. I just heard the country song–with the line/quote that came from Winston Churchill (I think), “if you are going through hell just keep on going.” I know it might seem unkind to some but for Cole it has been reassuring to be told “that we chose our paths in life for very important reasons that are not always apparent to us right away.” This does not mean he is to blame or is responsible but that he is not someone else’s victim. He can choose to fall apart because his dad died or choose to feel his feelings and take what the experience has to teach him and move forward. I don’t mean to suggest we live in this place but when we find it-it brings us peace.
    Wishing you peace.

  4. You are spot on, Jane. As my very country dad says, “Everybody has the hardest row to hoe”… Discomfort, pain, and struggle are a big deal when they are yours or belong to someone you love. When it rains it pours, and here’s to wishing for a dry spell!
    Things will get better for you soon!

  5. This is so true. And, comforting.

  6. The only pain that does last long is the loss of a person you love. Everything else is relative to that.

  7. You got it lady. And sometimes we know this in our heart and in our mind, but it is so hard when you are living it. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

  8. Kids can be so wise can’t they? This post is so beautiful and I really needed to hear your son’s message too. Life is short, but it is made up of the long moments that truly matter. Everything else will pass. Life is about taking those moments of happiness and making them count for more than the moments of pain. Even when life is at its best, it is never perfect. You are wise Jane. I am praying that things get better for you and your family.

  9. You son is so right. And your daughter has so much to deal with. Years later she might still be sad by the fact her Dad isn’t supportive…but she’ll hurt less. Because she has you to help her to learn, and to grow, and to cope.

  10. What a sweet thing for your little guy to say…I hope your “crap parade” is over soon…

    Wendy

  11. Sweet little guy, but I must correct something. You didn’t create that pain your daughter is experiencing. Your ex- is apparently doing a bang-up job all by himself. Don’t take on his blame. I promise that by the time you get those kids raised, you’ll feel plenty all on your own!

    And then along come the grandchildren when you can do things perfectly. :)

  12. Pain never does last very long. Our lives are forever shifting, changing, as are ourselves and emotions. Lovely post.

  13. Yes I’ve learned that pain fades, only to be replaced by new pain. That’s part of life, but then hopefully joy is replaced with new joys too.

    Crap English, but you get my point? :D

  14. It’s odd how we always are wishing away our lives, isn’t it? When we have babies, we wish them to be older. When they are off to college, it hits us they are no longer young. But you are so right…the pain passes. Time heals all wounds to sound cliche about it. But those words are true. We just don’t know how MUCH time is needed sometimes!

    Check out my post for today called Before I Die. I think this is something you will love!

  15. A wise son, he is. And it’s so true how pain can look so different as we move from one stage of life to the next. Though how we process it as we go through those stages affects much of the perspective we have, I think. Those things that passed because we were forced to ignore them to survive? They come back in unexpected ways. Hoping there are helpful processors, as it were, within your reach for the current stuff so that it too will go on its way.

  16. What a lovely child, Jane. And what a lovely post, filled with perspective. It’s all relative, yes. But it’s still hard to get through certain things. And it’s okay to say so.

    xoxo

  17. Jane – great post, and so true.

    Keep your chin up – things really do get better. We’re all rooting for you.

  18. Oh, Jane. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with so much. I’m sorry your daughter is feeling like that. That’s so horrible. {hugs}

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