Elf On The Shelf, Or Lamp Shade, Or Wherever Else You Put Your Stupid Elf

(This post is inspired by a post found on People I Want To Punch In The Throat. And while the title of the blog suggests violence that I don’t condone, the writing there is clever and funny. I have only recently discovered this blog but plan on returning for further research. Feel free to visit and come to your own conclusions.)

I have a friend. A dear friend who has an Elf On The Shelf. And an addiction to Facebook. During this time of year, I find that combination to be deadly.

To my ego.

Every other day she has a post of the clever places they find their Elf every morning. Along with clever little tag lines.

Example #1 – Hiding in a lamp, with just his little hat peeking out. “Should we tell him his hat is giving him away? Or just leave him in the dark?”

Example #2 – In a large empty jar with lid tightly closed. “Oops. Looks like Elf has found himself in a pickle.”

Example #3 – Hiding deep inside the Christmas tree. “Can’t see the Elf for the tree.”

I could go on. But I won’t. It depresses me too much.

Quite honestly, I had never heard of Elf On The Shelf until we moved to this subdivision. My rudimentary research discovers that his concept is old. But his commercial phenomenon is recent. Apparently, the Elf is a spy for Santa Claus. He sneaks away every night once the family is tucked in for the night, files his report with Santa and then returns by daylight, always in a new spot and typically up to some mischief of his own.

Oh. Yeah. Like I need one more Christmas chore to add to my list.

So, like any sane mother, I reject this holiday hobgoblin. My days are chock full of cookie baking, present wrapping, mantel dressing and shopping, cooking and a little more shopping. Who has time for 25 days of elfin mischief to create?

A lot of moms, apparently.

So many, that now, my children have been exposed to the little guy. And they want to know how Santa knows if they’re naughty or nice.

Santa peeks in on you himself. You boys are two of his favorites.

Cue eye rolls and exasperated sighs.

“Mom. Really? Because Nick’s Elf left him candy canes. Santa doesn’t leave us candy canes after he checks up on us.”

He saves that for Christmas Day. He knows about your last dentist appointment.

“If the leprechauns can visit us how come we don’t have an elf visit?”

I repeat the “Santa’s favorite” response. To no avail.

“Well, Sydney’s Elf bakes her cupcakes and cleans up her room.”

Hey! I bake you cupcakes and clean up your room.

“It’s not the same, Mom!”

Nope.

It’s not.

Stupid Elf.

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11 Comments

Filed under children, Holiday, Moms

11 responses to “Elf On The Shelf, Or Lamp Shade, Or Wherever Else You Put Your Stupid Elf

  1. We had to get one two years ago, after our neighbors got one. His name is Steve. And I never remember to move him.

  2. Oh my…glad my kids are too old to have had to endure this new phenomenon!

    Wendy

  3. LOL! I’ve never heard of this before. I agree; why add another Christmas chore to the list when a) you’ve (meaning: I’ve) got more than enough to do as it is, and #2 the boy gets up BEFORE me and gets into enough mischief of his own without any mythical creature’s example, and finally: I’m too tired to care.

  4. I would have fallen head over heals in love with the Elf on the shelf when Cole was little and would have gone to the absolute extreem playing make believe with him..Only children bring it out in you. We have “Brownie” (little person) that has lived with every since we moved into our house. Sir Brownie has been so fun and helpful. When Cole was little he would leave acorns and “what nuts” and Cole would reciprocate. These days Brownie leaves encouragement for an overwhelmed teen with a plate of homework cookies, or does a chore for him (unloads dishwasher). My only problem with the elf is the commercialism but I would have been pulled in deep.
    A little magic is good and mom’s are the most magical people of all…

  5. When I was growing up, we all knew santa could see you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake…
    And in my house we didn’t need elfin delivery for candy canes. They grew on our live tree, but only if my dad put the right fertilizer on.
    I’m all for magic, but don’t love the elf.

  6. I’m glad Katie (the dog) doesn’t care about the elf. Because she wouldn’t be put off by “santa checks in on you himself” either.

  7. The elf sounds like fun – but then again I can say that because my kids are grown and live their lives away from me, so it’s not something I need to be concerned about doing. When the kids were little, and I was much more industrious about bringing Christmas into our house – there would have been no time for an elf. I am so glad this wasn’t happening in our world when they were little!

  8. Elf on a shelf….soap on a rope….what next? I’m glad I never heard of this tradition when my kids were young. It was all I could do to get everything done before Santa came anyway!

  9. Leave it to corporate America to kill the magic of lowercase-e elves with their Capital-E Elves on their Capital-S Shelves.

    The Punch in the Throat post was the first I heard of this nonsense. This is some messed up nonsense, Janey. Magic is good. Elvish magic is great. Mandatory one-month only elvish magic suburban competition is some [bad word Jane won't say.]

    You know I’m all holier than thou about not lying to my kids, so they know Santa’s a myth whose worth is immeasurable in reminding people to give selflessly. Santa doesn’t come to our house, but my eldest acts like Santa when he helps me choose the year’s charity and gives in each loved one’s name. Santa’s in your heart, Santa is a story…all the stuff people have to say when their kids find out about the big lie is where we started.

    I find magical elves moving around the house amusing and exciting. I find cramming magic into a mandatory month in which there’s already too much to do rather rude. I find people who have too much time on their hands annoying at best. I find lying to kids and manipulating their behavior abhorrent.

    In short, I don’t trust people with capital E Elves on their shelves. Or pendant lamps. Or countertops. Good thing TKW’s doesn’t move or I’d have to like her a little less.

  10. Neil

    Stupid Elf.
    So, I came close to ruining xmas in our house this morning. We have our little elf on a shelf, Well, Daddy might have known last year but he wasn’t there for the book reading this year and forgot that no one is supposed to touch little elffie, even moms and dads!! Well, guess who picked up Elf this morning much to the dismay of one son! You would have thought the world was coming to an end, holy!
    “Ahhggg, Daddy touched Elf, now all the magic is all gone out of him” and the tears started. See, the youngest son had his little mad face going on this morning and his mother was getting after him about his behavior. Daddy somehow thought in his sleepy stuper with no coffee yet that if Elf was up on mad face boys dresser to see his behavior, he might change his attitude. Well, that backfired to say the least when I walked into his room holding Elf! In hindsight, everyone did forgot about the youngests little event, even him! Hmm, come to think of it, I think my wife had the same mad face when she was glaring at me while holding our crying son saying “No one is supposed to touch Elf” With that I’m going to kill you tone of voice!!

    Whoo boy at fred flintstone would day.

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