Where Have I Been? No. Really. Where’s Jane?

For as unique and individual as Waldo seems to be, does it ever strike you as funny that he’s so hard to find? I mean, seriously. Bright red and white striped shirt. Goofy hat. You’d think he’d stand out in a crowd.

Wheres-Waldo-642x481

And then, there’s me. In a sea of other bloggers. Getting noticed, lately anyway, for my┬ápost on head lice. ‘Tis the season, I suppose.

But that’s all I’ve been getting noticed for in recent months. Previous, old, archived posts.

Because the recent stuff? Hasn’t been all that inspired. Oh, save your sweet accolades. I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking.

I haven’t been very inspired lately.

This panic/anxiety has been kicking my butt. But I get up, every day, and push through. As long as I’m moving forward, I’m happy. Well, as happy as you can be when you’re struggling.

But it’s a tough moving forward. This hasn’t been easy. And I’m dying to feel like me again. I get depressed and manic and so not like the glass-half-full me that I used to know. And that makes it hard to write. I feel my best writing is when I’m passionate about something or ┬átickled by something. My moments of passion are fewer and when they happen and I’m moved to write, I can’t sit still long enough to get it down. And the goofy things about life that tickle me? Fleeting.

I know. I’m a mess.

But some of you are still here. Some of you still peek in to see if I’m still alive. And I just want you to know, that touches me in a way I can’t adequately describe. You know me only through a computer screen yet you care like I’m you’re long lost sister.

I’ve lost quite a few readers. I know that. And I don’t blame them for leaving. I’ve thought about leaving, too. But to those of you who are still here? Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Knowing that my voice is heard, even when it’s only a whisper, means something to me. It helps me to feel that maybe, someday, I will find myself again.

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10 Comments

Filed under Confessions, Deep Thoughts

10 responses to “Where Have I Been? No. Really. Where’s Jane?

  1. Hang in there, Jane. None of us can feel inspired all the time, but it sounds like that’s the least of your concerns. Take care of yourself and don’t add this pressure to inspire the world. Just a friendly note is enough.

  2. Sending hugs, Jane. Inspiration will come. And when it does, we will still be here. xoxo

  3. Rob

    Hi Jane,
    I am still here, and not going anywhere. I was contemplating this yesterday – not the anxiety (mine is pretty under control for the moment thanks to medication – sorry yours is kicking your butt); but, about readers and those online relationships versus numbers. Why do I care? Because I really do. I have met some great people via blogging. Still, I want to be the popular kid on the block. And then I think, how relationships matter more than how many readers I have. I don’t need one more thing to worry about. It will be what it will be.

    I might have to follow you with a different email soon. The address I am following you with is connected to my other blog, which is languishing in limbo, and I am not sure if I am going to pay for the domain again, go free WP, or just give it up. I’m just going to do it today. So, I’ll be following you twice.

    Anyway, I always say too much in comments. Write anything. I’ll read it. I join in with photography blogs (I have a point and shoot), but it is fun, and I do not always have to think about what I am going to say. And hopefully, I am learning how to use my camera. I wish they still included written manuals, instead of putting it inside the camera.

    Hope you are kicking butt, soon! Hugs – in the online across the distance way – where no touching is involved :)
    Robin

  4. Write when you like. We’re around.
    We’re also around just for venting or giving voice to the blahs.

  5. I’m still reading too! I’ve cut back on blogging myself. I haven’t felt very inspired either. You have enough to worry about without blogging concerns too. I get like this and try to tell myself blogging is meant to be fun not a chore. Hang on in there and look after yourself, that’s more important than anything else.

  6. I’m so not giving up on you that I just spent twenty minutes combing through Schmutzie’s archives to find this – http://www.schmutzie.com/weblog/2013/3/29/i-can-do-this-one.html – to share with you. Not that combing through Schmutzie’s archives is much of a hardship.

  7. I can relate, Jane. I have been uninspired to write lately and took a long hiatus. Write when you want to – I will be here to read it!

  8. I think a lot of the blogging world is taking a hiatus. I know that several I used to read regularly aren’t writing much or at all. Plus I have been swampped…the result? I haven’t check here as regularly as I used to…but you aren’t going to get rid of me that easy Ms. Jane! :) I’m still around. And I agree with commenter Robin..it’s not the quantity that counts. Isn’t it amazing that people can build relationships that exist only in the internet world? But as I type this I remember pen pals when I was a kid, we never met but we built relationships then too. So maybe not so amazing. Anyway…I am rambling. Hugs to you. I hope you feel more comfortable soon and that you find the real you and become inspired by all the joys in your life once again!

  9. xoxo, Jane.

    You know, when you’ve been blogging as long as we have, we lose readers because they move on. We find each other as our priorities and emotions overlap, and hang on for a while. But then our kids age or we change jobs or we lose the focus on what brought us together.

    But that’s not a reflection on you or your writing or your worth as a human. Some of my favorite readers are gone, through no fault of our own. We grow apart, bloggers.

    But hanging on sometimes means reading a post weeks late and popping in to say, “I’m still subscribed, I still care what you do and how you tell your stories, but I’m really freaking busy right now.”

    Right?

    Hang in there, Jane. I’m sorry this anxiety monster is still kicking your butt. I’m glad you’re putting one foot in front of the other, and I really hope it gets easier soon.

  10. Writing can help you push through it and you don’t have to post until you’re inspired. Best!

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