Ahhhh. I Get It Now.

Have THAT Kind Of Friday! Yoga Pants For Everyone!

Clearly I Have Too Much Time On My Hands

My daughter dragged me kicking and screaming into this century. She gave me her old iphone4.

I loved it.

It was awesome. Which is what she was expecting.

“And Mom, the guy at the store said he’d give you a discount on the iphone 4S if you wanted to upgrade since you’re due for one!”

Sold! (Because I’m all about the discount.)

So now, I have a brand spanking new iphone 4S. Not the iphone 5, of course, because those are just ridiculously expensive.

I love having my music all in one place. I love the apps I’ve found so far. I love playing mindless games and sending email and doing my banking and checking traffic. All from a phone! It’s amazing. I just know that a world with people flying around with jet-packs is right around the corner.

The only thing I didn’t get was Siri.

Most everything I’d ask her, she’d send me to the internet. I gave up.

“Siri, you’re useless.”

“Well, you’re certainly entitled to your opinion.”

She cracked me up. So, I started asking nonsensical questions, quoted song lyrics, and generally, tried to stump her.

Before I knew it, I’d been playing with Siri for over an hour.

If you Google it, you’ll find plenty of sites that share the hilarious responses Siri can come up with. But don’t do that now. Instead, share your favorite Siri response below.

And then ask Siri, “Who let the dogs out?”

It’s Ecard Wednesday!

And an open apology to those whom I have offended and to those I have yet to offend.

Hand Washing Lesson For Dummies

 

My guess?

If you need these instructions, posted over the sink?

You have probably skipped the sink area and are already skipping out the door.

Ahh, Brawny. Thank you for the hand washing lesson.

But I’m afraid you are preachin’ to the choir.

Speaking Of Happy Dance, This One Is Pure Joy!

I just had to share this pic, taken from the Maria Montessori site on Facebook.

Pure, simple, utter joy.

May you have a little in your day today.

 

 

Jane Tells All. Or How Stealing Ideas From Other Blogs Makes For Excellent Material.

I’m totally stealing a blog post from a friend. It’s okay, since I’m being so upfront about it. Well, that and the fact that he encouraged people to steal it – but admitting this sort of takes all the danger out of it.

Yeah. I’m a bad-ass.

This is actually associated with an award. LLCoolJoe won the award first and passed it along to anyone who wanted it. Yep. He’s all generous like that. I’m sorry. I can’t even remember the name of the award. Mostly, because I’ve become ambivalent to awards that are handed out like gumdrops. I don’t even like gumdrops. And I hate to hurt anyone’s feelings that might not receive the award.

But, I enjoy learning about other bloggers.

So, I hope you enjoy learning a little bit about me.

1. Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? 

When you look up “doormat” in the dictionary you will find a picture of moi. Seriously. Go ahead. Look it up. We’ll wait. No? Well, okay. I exaggerate. But, I do have a condition called Argument Amnesia. My husband and I will argue about something and an hour later I’m all hugs and kisses and completely forgotten why he’s being so cool towards me. It drives him crazy. It’s my coping mechanism. It’s not always healthy but it keeps me in my glass-half-full state of mind and I like it that way.

 

2. If your blog had a theme song, what would it be? Why?

This question was so tough for me I actually answered it last after much contemplation. I can’t think of just one.  So, I’ll just share with you the top three played songs on my ipod.

1. Say Hey (I Love You) by Michael Franti & Spearhead

2. Be OK by Ingrid Michaelson

3. Psycho by Puddle of Mudd

Yep. That about sums it up.

 

3. What is the most daring thing you’ve done recently?

Eat a Dorito that fell on the floor after the 3 second rule. Don’t worry. I blew off all the germs.

 

4. Do you like your life right now?

Yes. I do. I’m finding the older I get the more content I become. I still have regret. I still want to accomplish more than is humanly possible. But I am very content with my life. Right. Now. Because now is all that matters.

 

5. What was the last lie you told?

I acted as if I was already in the parking lot of my destination even though I was still a few blocks away. Why I did this? I have no idea. I was speaking to my husband on the phone and I wasn’t even meeting him. I was meeting a friend. I just didn’t want him to know I was running late. (He has this hang-up about punctuality. Geez.) And, by the way. My friend was running a couple minutes late, too. God, I love her!

 

6. Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror?

Yes. My adorable daughter made me a necklace of a single crystal. I loved it and put it on the rear view  mirror with the intent of slipping it on the next day on our way to school. But it got twisted and stuck. And I didn’t want to cut the string so it is still there, to this day. Twelve years later. (Yes. I’m still driving my Volvo station wagon. Best. Car. Ever.) My mother-in-law asks me if it’s “Wiccan.” (She doesn’t approve of the fact that we’re not twice a week church goers.) And I tell her, no. But she’s asked so many times, I now say yes and offer to teach her a few spells when we get home. That usually shuts her up.

 

7. Do you consider yourself successful?

Yes. Very. But not in the things most people do. I gave up my singing and acting aspirations. I still haven’t written the great American novel. My high school class is chock full of over-achievers. 90% of us have graduated from college and over 50% have advanced degrees. I “only” have some post-graduate work. But that’s okay. Because I am an awesome mom. I made a conscious decision to be the best mom I could be, thus joining the ranks of the “Best Moms Ever.”And I am. Just ask my kids.

 

8. What was the first music album that you bought?

Deep Purple – Machine Head. Yep. I’m a head-banger.

 

9. Do you feel you express your “true self” on your blog?

I try. I try with every word. That is always my intent. It’s why I’ve gained a steady readership. It’s also why I’ve lost so many readers.

 

10. Would you ever give a hitch-hiker a ride somewhere? 

I want to. I do. But I watch way too much crime TV.

 

11. Have you ever acted like you understood something when you didn’t have a clue?

Every. Single. Day.

…………….

And now, it’s your turn. There are 11 questions posted below for you to answer on your blog. Trust me. If you’re experiencing writer’s block or you just you to keep the publish button warm this is an easy-peasy blog post.

Come on.

I know you want to.

1. What do you do when you cannot fall asleep?
2. Have you ever hidden a purchase for yourself from your partner? If so, what was it?
3. What was the last thing you ate?
4. Who has been the kindest to you in your life?
5. If you didn’t need the money, what would you do for work?
6. If your life had a motto, what would it be?
7. Would you sulk or would you confront?
8. If you could have any super power, what would it be?
9. What movie or television show have you seen so many times you can quote scenes line by line?
10. Who is someone from your past that you are sorry you lost track of?
11. If you had a million dollars to give away, how would you do it?

If you choose to take on the 11 Question Challenge, please link up in the comment section so we can visit your blog and learn more about you!

Now, Seriously. I Want To Know. Who Does That?

So you married a Broadway star. You’ve had a healthy Broadway career yourself. But on your resume, the one you have posted on your website pushing your accomplishments? The one that lists your role as Nellie in South Pacific at Anytown Musical Theater. As I remember it, it was Anytown High School back in the 80′s. And I know this because I was there. I played Ensign Murphy in the same production. Seriously? You list the lead you had in high school on your professional resume?

Who does that?

Can you imagine? You show up to your scheduled appointment for cataract surgery and you find out you will not be receiving anesthesia because “the hospital had decided to schedule an “experimental day” to evaluate how unsedated patients respond.” Seriously?

Who does that?

You’re cute. You’re talented. You have connections ordinary aspiring actresses will never have. And then you go and do this:

Who does that?

Your daughter give you a gift of a $25 gift card to Barnes & Noble. She knows you love to read. She’s giving what she can. And you say, “Thanks for the gift card. I guess I’ll go buy a newspaper.” Chuckle. Chuckle. Only your daughter isn’t laughing.

Who does that?

Each and every day I find things that baffle me.

I am simply baffled.

 

10 Things You Need To Know About Jane

10. You may not have a need to know these things but these are 10 things about me that I feel are share-worthy.

9.   I’m good at wasting list-space by rambling about things that probably don’t need an explanation.

8.   Currently, I am sporting an adorable chipped tooth look. The front one. Yep. Adorable. (I wonder if there are any Beverly Hillbilly sequel auditions nearby?)

7.   I have that annoying habit of providing way too much information when you ask me a simple question. You know the type. Giving much more background info than is necessary. I even annoy myself.

6.   My parents gave me the delightful nicknames of “Chatterbox” and “Dumbo” while I was growing up. Yes, I talk too much and yes, my ears stuck out. (I wouldn’t know because now I hide them behind my hair.) Isn’t that sweet? (No wonder I have such self-esteem issues.)

5.   I am a Mama-Bear to the nth degree. At least, that’s what my husband says.

4.   I used to have champagne tastes on a beer budget. Now, I have champagne tastes on a decent bottle of wine budget. Do you think that when I catch up to the champagne budget my tastes will morph into a glass of  1997 Domaine de la Romanée-Conti? It goes for about $1500 a bottle. A bottle! I don’t know about you, but I’d be sick to my stomach after drinking a house payment.

3.   Who am I kidding? I’d be sick to my stomach after drinking an entire bottle of wine. Of any variety. I am a lightweight. One and a half glasses is my limit.

2. But give me a 32oz. tub of coke and I’ll polish it off like nobody’s business. Maybe I do need Mayor Bloomberg looking over my shoulder.

1. If you ask me, point blank, if you’ve offended me? No matter how non-confrontational I am, I will tell you the truth. I will. That’s just how I am. And how much I value my friendships. And there’s not much that truly offends me since I love a great debate and seeing things differently and having my values agitated a little. So, lighten up. Relax. I won’t bite.

Completely Random. Because That’s All I Have Time For.

• Seriously? Is anyone truly surprised that Tom and Katie are divorcing? And that Scientology is playing a part in Katie’s decision to fight for sole custody? This is news?
• Sitting on the porch, supervising our son’s lemonade stand. Husband and #2son get into a disagreement about how to handle the customers. #2son is being argumentative. (Surprise, surprise.) Husband turns to me and says, “Oh. My. God. I’ve given birth to my father.”
• I think to myself, “Uh, no. I gave birth to that 10lb representation of your father. And spittin’ image of you.” Because, as we all know – Like father, like son. Ab-so-f-in-lutely. 
• Other than the similar hair color and same hair style, I don’t see this “amazing” transformation of Naomi Watts into Lady Diana. I just don’t see it.

• Issac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every category of the Dewey Decimal system. (Raise your hand if you know what the Dewey Decimal System is?) 
• I ask this because my elementary school age sons aren’t familiar with this yet. (Huh?) And my college age daughter hesitated in her response. (But got the answer right in the end.) When I asked her how she found books in the library at school she said, “They get the books for you.” Yep. She goes to the computer, finds the book she wants, clicks a button and behold! An automated robotic arm retrieves the book from the stacks and a human person (I hesitate to call this person a librarian) hands her the book after she shows her ID.
• Sigh. No more browsing through the stacks like the old days.
• I miss the old days.
• Speaking of old days, I turn half a century next year. How in the heck did that happen?
• Even my favorite Disney site published a full copy of the Declaration of Independence in honor of July 4th. A perfect reminder of why we have parades and potato salad and “pop-crackers” (as my #1son called them many years ago.)
• “…We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. –That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness….” 
• Beautiful words, indeed.
• Twenty-two days until the Olympics!
• Wishing for warm, lazy days in the beautiful month of July. Days without forest fires, tornadoes, killer heat waves and bored, whiny children. For all my favorite peeps out there.
• OK. Wishing for days without bored, whiny children is pushing it.
• But one can hope.