Category Archives: funny
Do you own one of those handy dandy color wheels? You know, the ones decorators use?
Don’t ask me why. Neither my husband or I can claim any talent in the decorating department. Although, we do watch a lot of HGTV together.
Have you ever noticed the crazy color names? Forceful Orange. Hyper Blue. Gusto Gold. Heartthrob. Lime Rickey. (Sure, set me up, barkeep!)
Well, after watching a lot of HGTV over the past year or so, my husband has decided to jump on the grey wagon. It seems everyone out there is painting their rooms shades of gray. And no, I don’t think it has anything to do with the popularity of that racy novel, although, I wonder if that racy novelist has been watching as much HGTV as we have.
We grabbed the color wheel and starting ticking through the colors.
Charcoal. Nope. Too dark.
Nuance. Too light.
Solitude. Too lonely.
There were the smart greys: Analytical Gray, Intuitive, Worldly Grey, Imagine, Balanced Gray. Even Intellectual Grey.
There were the dull grays: Mild Grey, Polite Gray, Reticence, Useful Grey, Proper Gray, Essential. And Modest Grey.
“What about Passive Gray?” my husband asked, holding the color swatch to the wall.
“Hmmmm. I don’t know. What do you think?” I replied.
“Eh,” I shrugged.
“What about Ponder?”
“I’ll have to think about that one,” I said.
“Of course!” I chimed.
Finally, he gets it and we’re in a fit of giggles.
After one hundred and eighteen shades of grey, which color did we finally go with?
Guess we’re not as trendy as we thought we were.
(To accommodate my outside America readers, I’ve evenly distributed equal spellings of grey and gray. Interesting note: “In the U.K., grey appears about twenty times for every instance of gray. In the U.S. the ratio is reversed.” I have to admit. After writing this post, both spellings look wrong to me now.)
I used to teach teenagers. They taught me a lot. About pop culture. The latest music. And they shared with me their sophomoric sense of humor. Which I was always tickled by.
And it doesn’t help that I watch shows like Dexter where the f-word is dropped every other sentence. While I was teaching I did a pretty good job of cleaning up my potty mouth. When I became a mother? Even better.
But the off-color sense of humor? I think I still need a little work.
Eight and nine year old boys, packed in the car. Ready to go. Finally!
Pull out of the driveway. Close garage door. Ease into the street and Mommy says:
“And we’re off! Like a prom dress!”
Silence. (As she realizes what just came out of her mouth.)
Yes? (Said with deep trepidation.)
“What does ‘off like a prom dress’ mean?”
More silence as she scrambles for an age appropriate definition.
There isn’t one.
I’m a little late to the party but a few of my blogging friends participate in Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop and I always have the good intention of trying it out. Here’s my attempt this week. Enjoy!
10 Things I’ve Said To My Child That Other Moms Might Not Say
- “How can you have any dessert if you don’t eat your meat?!?” (Cue Pink Floyd music in background.)
- “If you wear that out of the house I swear I’ll take a picture and use it for your wedding invitation!”
- “No, Sweetie. I’m pretty sure they haven’t made a Lifetime movie about you. Yet.”
- “Nanny, nanny boo-boo. I told ya’ so!”
- “Oh. It was just beer? Well, at least you’re not trying Meth.”
- “I don’t care if you can toot on purpose. Stop doing it. You’re going to hurt your anus.”
- “Just be the best teacher or lawyer or ditch digger you can be. But don’t be a pimp. ‘Cause they’re not nice.”
- “Yes. Shut-up IS the s-word and I don’t ever want to hear you say it again!”
- “I’m pretty sure that the states are androgynous. There is no Mistersippi that I know of.”
- “Seriously? Stop that crying right now. There is NO crying in housework!!!” (Just call me a pop culture junkie.)
Feel free to share your doozy below.