A close friend was going through some struggles in her marriage. And if you believe in coincidences, a blast from her past appeared unexpectedly. They ran into each other at a sporting event. She was with her husband and 2 other couples. They chatted about old times and he encouraged them (a few of the people in the party, including my friend) to stay in touch. Well, she did. One thing led to another and they were about to do something they probably shouldn’t but she stopped.
She has a loving husband. Beautiful children. Comfortable home. Good job. Loving friends and family. She was so embarrassed and upset that she had been tempted. But things weren’t as perfect as they seemed in her marriage and she started listing all of the cons in her relationship with her husband. The magic is gone. He doesn’t appreciate me. His priorities always take precedence. And on. And on.
I asked her to look at the pros. But all she could think of was the excitement that this ex was providing. She was so caught up with the magic she couldn’t see why they had ended it so long ago. And I told her; The grass isn’t greener. It’s just different.
Some varieties need more attention, more water. They need to be cut more often and edged a certain way. Others are less needy. You can skip watering and let nature take care of it. It doesn’t need to be weeded or fertilized. There are so many varieties out there. You have to decide which variety is best for your lawn, where you’re living and how much time you have to devote to it. You make your decision and then work with it.
I’m so glad my friend decided not to go back to her ex. She’s making it work with her husband. But recently she told me that when I told her about “the grass not being greener” she was just listening politely to me. She didn’t really get it. It didn’t hit her until the ex said something that dragged her back to reality. It brought back all of the reasons why they had broken up and she didn’t want to deal with such a high maintenance lawn.
She liked her life the way it was. She was familiar with this variety. And while there was some weeding to do and she never could quite get which fertilizer to use when; it WAS a beautiful lawn.
(The topic for this post was inspired by MamaBlogga’s Friday post.)
Theycallmejane's Blog 
I have yet to find myself in a position to actually go back to the ‘other grass’, but I sure know what it is like to wonder about it, and to wonder if it is better than what I actually have.
Very good post!
I think the title of your post may just be the key in my thinking that’ll save my sanity, and my marriage… Here the grass being the other marriages. At least, in my imagination, the other couples just seem to fight less and are more loving to each other. That thought often makes me wonder about my own, and then my thought process tends to go downhill from there… Thanks. I’ll repeat this line as a mantra. Oh, I also love the line from the blog that you referred to, “If the grass is greener, Water the Lawn!” Indeed, huh? 🙂
I love your analagy.
Exes are exes for a reason. If it didn’t work the first time, it probably won’t work the second for that matter. If more people would realize that, I bet there would be a lot less heartache in the world.
-Jen
Nicole – Thanks! May you never go back.
submom – I love that line, too – about watering the lawn. So true! Remember, when you see those other couples you truly have no idea the battles they may be waging behind closed doors.
Jen – Amen!
Love it! After I ended a 4 year relationship with my ex, I found myself thinking that he wasn’t so bad and remembering only the good times. Exes are exes for a reason! Always nice to have a reminder 🙂
Great post. Great food for thought.
Thanks.
What a wonderful post. I’m glad your friend stuck with her marriage. Unless there is something horrible like abuse I think this is almost always the best course.
Wow, that is a great analogy. I’ve never thought of that phrase this way, but it’s definitely a brighter way to look at it. I’ve always thought it like, The grass is always greener, so either go where it’s greener, or deal with it. But I like this view point better.
I’m so glad she made the wise decision. You were a good friend to help her come to this realization.
Pingback: Al And Tipper. John and Jane. We’re All Fighting Some Kind Of Battle. « Theycallmejane's Blog