What To Do When You’re At A Loss For Words? Play Around With Google, Of Course!

I was in the habit of writing posts when the mood struck (which was often) and then scheduling them to be posted. I was getting so ahead of myself my body had a hard time keeping up with my brain. My brain was already wearing tomorrow’s outfit and my body was taking off my shoes from the day before. Posts were just spilling out of my head and onto the keyboard. I was more than a week ahead of myself.

Until now.

 I just realized I had nothin’. Not a thing scheduled for tomorrow.

The little angel on my right shoulder said, “Come on, now. You can do it. Just cozy up to the keyboard and write. You have so many wonderful things to say.”

The little devil on my left shoulder said, “Awwww, skip it. Who really looks in on you daily, anyway? Just those weirdos searching for moms doin’ dirty things. Go downstairs, open up the Halloween candy a little early (ok, it’s already open…you caught me) and watch one of the 100 shows you have TiVo’d.”

The little angel on the right shoulder said, “No. Your public awaits. They’ll be so sad to have to look at yesterday’s post all over again. You MUST add something new!”

The little devil on the left shoulder said, “Mmmmmm…some chocolate sure sounds good right about now.”

Guess who won?

Hey! Ye of little faith….read on.

For inspiration I decided to Google “top ten reasons for….,” just for kicks and giggles, to see what comes up. Among the suggestions were “Top ten reasons for divorce” Intriguing. So I clicked it. There were 2, 360, ooo hits. Quite a lot of people pondering that issue. I decided to investigate other reasons for top ten lists. Below are the rest of my findings.

Top Ten Reasons Sarah Palin Resigned – 164,000,000. That’s million. Are you kidding me? I had no idea that many people cared.

Top Ten Reasons to Date a Wrestler – only 272,000 results. I betcha I can think of #272,001.

Top Ten Reasons for Getting Fired – over 1,000,000 results. There are articles on the reasons, the causes. There’s even articles on warning signs. Thank God I’m a SAHM. Job security is lookin’ pretty great right about now.

Top Ten Reasons You Might Be A Jedi Redneck – Really. I can’t make this up. Approximately 2,950 hits for this search. Now, I know Jedis. (My husband is a big Star Wars fan) And I know rednecks. (I live in the southern United States). But how do the twain meet? How, I ask you?

Top Ten Reasons I Procrastinate – Only 102,000 hits there. Come. On. Now! Procrastination is an art form, carefully crafted by many. Only 102,000 hits? We got a lot of people in denial out there, and I ain’t talkin’ about a swim down a famous river.

Top Ten Reasons Against Evolution – First of all, against? Like it’s a choice? Ok, so the number of results? 2, 960,000. Almost 3 million.

Top Ten Reasons for Bathing – Only 177,000. I thought I smelled something funny.

Top Ten Reasons Couples Fight – There were 2, 540,000 results for that. I bet my husband and I could add a few more.

Top Ten Reasons Gay Marriage Is Wrong – Another 2 million plus results. Someone tell me why we’re spending any time on this issue? Really? Behind closed doors. Consenting adults. Doesn’t affect my taxes. Two people love each other. Oooooooooo. Scary.

Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women – 3, 220,000 results. And the Top Ten Reasons Women Are Better Than Men? 29, 400,000. Let me say that again, gentlemen. Twenty nine million, four hundred thousand. Somebody’s got some catching up to do!

Top Ten Reasons Not to Get a Toller – What the heck is a toller? There were only 4,040 hits. So I’m not the only one who is in the dark on that one.

Top Ten Reasons to Vote Democrat –  There were 2, 010,000 results.  But only 1.4 million hits to vote republican. Hmmmmm.

Top Ten Reasons Why I Love You – 45,000,000. But that must be a typo. Surely there are more hits out there? Because love is what makes the world go round. And I just want to shout out to all of you out there,  I LOVE YOU! (You’re the best. You really are. Now, go hug someone.)

14 Comments

Filed under funny, Lessons Learned

14 responses to “What To Do When You’re At A Loss For Words? Play Around With Google, Of Course!

  1. I hate when I have writer’s block. Sometimes, I feel the pressure-just like you described. And then I think who is really reading this anyway?!? I’m new to it, but I like your blog!

  2. Toller: I think it is a kind of dog.

    I read everyday…..and am not interested in dirty mommies!

    🙂

  3. angelcel

    Nope, never heard of a toller…so, being a nerd, I just Googled it and Jennifer Lynn is absolutely right, there is a ‘Nova Scotia Duck-Tolling Retriever’. Hang on a minute though, what’s ‘duck-tolling’?!

    BTW, I’m intrigued why people looked up ‘Top ten reasons why I love you?’ You mean they couldn’t figure that one out for themselves? 🙂

  4. Good Lord, this was funny! I was giggling all the way through it!

  5. Steven Harris

    Evolution as a choice! That made me laugh a lot. But then, maybe too much evolutionary choice is a bad thing. Perhaps the platypus just didn’t know when to stop and now look at the funny little creature.

  6. Too funny!! You are a little Google Researcher! LOL!!

  7. Hahaha! Too funny! I find it hilarious that anyone would need to Google “Top Ten Reasons for bathing.” How about… so you don’t STINK?
    -Jen

  8. I think we all go through periods of writer’s block, but I’ve learned that if I haven’t got anything to say I won’t post that day. I used to beat myself up about it, but actually I think it’s quite nice for my readers to have a break from feeling they have to comment on everything all the time!

  9. Don’t worry if you don’t blog daily: 1) you can always post cute pictures of your kids. 🙂 2) I will just read the older posts that you have done.

    “Top Ten Reasons I Procrastinate” Without seeing the list, it is already funny as well. One is already procrastinating when one goes to google and read this… LOL

  10. Brilliant post! I loved it! Though you could always call in sick and snag some Halloween candy. But I think this is the best I’ve-got-nothing post I’ve ever read.

  11. I loved this Jane. What a good idea. Thanks for doing this it was fun.

  12. ck

    Damn. Just what I need. Another procrastinating tool. THANKS, JANE! (j/k.)

  13. You had me laughing through the whole post.

    I read and I am not interested in dirty mommies.

    “Top Ten Reasons I Procrastinate” – maybe the number is low because they haven’t gotten around to reading it yet.

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