We Are All Simply Wonderful

Writing yesterday of our sweet little foster girls had stirred up so many sleeping thoughts.  We had them in our home for such a very short time but they made an amazing impact on my life. And if they took only one thing with them when they left – just one thing – I hope they know how wonderful they are.

“The person that you were has died
You’ve lost the sparkle in your eyes” – I have a picture of Ashley. The light hits her in such a way that her eyes are highlighted. A flash of light across her face and you can see so much in those beautiful blue eyes of hers. But not good things. Horrible things. Terror. Fear. Insecurity. Mistrust. A sparkle that is sinister. Eyes so old with a heart so young. She saw more horror than I had ever seen in my 30 years.

“Now you wanna bridge the gaps
Now you want that person back” – I saw good flashes in her eyes, too. When she’d remember she was just a child. She was supposed to sleep at night cuddled up safely with her teddy bear – not worrying about who was going to creep into her bed and do unspeakable things. She was supposed to love to laugh – not cry silently so as not to wake her sister after it was all over. She was supposed to play with dolls and crayons – not accompany her mother to the store so they could pull off their next ruse. She was supposed to watch Sesame Street and Barney – not Hellraiser while her mom was “at work” in the next room with her “client.”

“You don’t know what you wanna do
You’ve got no pull to pull you through” – Lost. Not knowing who you are at age 6. Energies completely spent and you’ve only graced this beautiful Earth such a very short time.

“Say “I am”
Say “I am”
Say “I am wonderful”” – Look in the mirror, Ashley. With those big, beautiful, blue eyes that have seen too much. You are wonderful!

“If what you’ve lost cannot be found
And the weight of the world weighs you down
No longer with the will to fly
You stop to let it pass you by
Don’t stop to let it pass you by
You’ve gotta look yourself in the eye” – I have no idea what happened to them after they left us. I can guess. I’d love the best case scenario – they were placed in an amazing home, adopted into a forever family and thrived. But I imagine the worst. She was an older child and more “damaged.” She was separated from her sister and continued to bounce around from home to home – never attaching, never forming lasting relationships. She’s lost her will. She’s let love pass her by.

“Say “I am”
Say “I am”
Say “I am wonderful”” – Please Ashley. Please say you found a forever family who loves you. Who helped you with your demons. People that could see just how wonderful you are. And helped you to see it, too.

“Cause we are all miracles
Wrapped up in chemicals
We are incredible” – It’s amazing to me that we all start out the very same way. Innocent. Small miracles. Pure little blank slates. And then a twist of fate changes our entire being. “But for the grace of God go I” How did I dodge that bullet? Or my children? My own childhood was not great – but terror and horror? Never. Why Ashley and not me?

“Don’t take it for granted, no
We are all miracles
Oh we are” – All you parents out there…cherish those precious little souls that you are in charge of. Hug them close every night. Tell them you love them every chance you get. Tell them they are wonderful. Because they are.

“Say “I am”
Say “I am”
Say “I am wonderful”
Oh you are” – Simply wonderful. Yes, even you. Each child out there. Each and every adult. We are all amazing, wonderful beings.

16 Comments

Filed under Be-Causes

16 responses to “We Are All Simply Wonderful

  1. Jane, you’ve brought tears to my eyes. Those poor little girls; one can only pray for the best for them.
    And yeah, hug my kids.

  2. yes, sending hugs. 🙂

  3. suzicate

    My hart is breaking for those little girls. Jane, you have an amzing heart…I’m sure they’ll rmember you forever.

  4. These two posts have been extraordinary. I would like to hope that their story is unique, but I’m afraid that your appearance into their lives is the only thing that makes it so.

    How much can the human spirit endure?!

    Thank you for sharing this story.

  5. There’s a special place in Hell for Ashley’s mother and abuser….I have to believe that or else it almost seems to hard to bear, you know?

  6. *too* hard to bear…lazy finger! 🙂

  7. Jane, your post yesterday stayed on my mind and in my heart all day and I am both grateful for and saddened by this follow-up.

    Whenever I encounter stories like this, I wonder about the quantity of available love in the world: is it finite? Can I, by loving my own children that much more, increase the love available to children like Ashley?

    I again salute your bravery in making yourself and your family a home for these girls.

  8. bloginsong

    Dear Brave Goddess,

    I can hardly bear to face this story and you have lived it and thrived. I understand in my mind that we all have to find a way to live with the worse and most horrific events that can and do happen – but I don’t understand how to do it in my heart. Otherwise I would also have the strength to pick up the phone and start that foster process myself. I have thought about it so often, but I know I am not the one to walk that walk. I guess there are lots of important ways to help make the world a better place, and I do try to do my part. But what you have done seems especially heroic.

    Thank you for sharing a little bit of that strength. Thank you for pushing us to think.

  9. hollynastycorn

    every night when i start falling asleep i think about the foster children. i figure out how old they are and try to imagine their faces, their spirit, their lives. i remember the trauma in their eyes when they tried to do everyday things: sleep, eat, dream, bathe, eliminate, love, trust. i envision them as healthy, happy and productive…i just can’t think of any other reality for them…

    They came into my heart forever even though they were only in my life for a short time. I think about the oldest boy who must be 22 or 23 by now. I so hope he can find that beautiful young man I saw so often saw in his eyes. The young man that would be a wonderful human being and father. I will not allow myself to see him as anything else….

    Bryan Post says there is only 2 emotions: love and fear. I hope every day that I am pouring enough love into my adopted son that I am pushing out all the fear.

    p.s. Miss. bloginsong does “foster” a child…mine. Without her immeasurable and unlimited patience and love we would never survive. And she is raising two beautiful babies with intense love and NO fear.

  10. Abuse of children in any way is a crime I just can’t comprehend. It makes me want to embrace capital punishment and be the first in line to flip the switch. Those precious girls were blessed to have you in their lives, even if it was for a short time. And for that time, I’m sure you impacted their lives in a positive way. Bless you today and always.

  11. That just breaks my heart. I cannot comprehend how or why a parent would do such horrible things to their own flesh and blood. I can only hope that your brief but loving time in thier lives made an impact, and through all the hardships and horrors they are sure to suffer later in life, their stay with you is something they will hold on to and remember. I hate the system. It’s disgusting, unjust, and unfair. And I detest, loathe, and abhor people who hurt children. It makes me sick, and people like that deserve to be abused the way the abuse their children. See how they would like it then, huh.

  12. That just gave me chills up and down. So incredibly beautiful and I wish for Ashley that she’s found the love she deserves. What a heartbreaking beginning to life.

  13. That was so beautiful and powerful like your last post. (Though I really wish I knew what The Husband did to the speakers. Ugh) I hope those girls found a better life. And again you are truly amazing for trying to give them a home.

  14. What a sad, but also uplifting post. It must be so hard to let go of those girls, but at the same time what a wonderful gift you have both been given for blessing each other’s lives. You are truly amazing and I admire you. Thanks for sharing.

  15. To think there are many childless couples who would love to love those children but they are bound by the umbilical cord. Sad to say as long as the mother is alive those children will never escape the hurt , pain and disappointment. You can only wish someone nurtures them under their wings until they are old enough to fly.

  16. Jane, I come here and without fail find myself lifted up a bit. You have a powerful way with words, with telling stories or bits of them, however tough. As I have said before, I appreciate how optimism – your own kind of it – permeates your prose even when treating bleaker subjects.

    “It’s amazing to me that we all start out the very same way. Innocent. Small miracles. Pure little blank slates.”

    I agree. Pure little blank slates. And then life happens.

    Thank you for making me appreciate – on this fungible Wednesday morning in January – the life I do have.

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