The Trifecta Of Nasty Habits And Why I’d Never Date You. Ever!

I was a little ticked at my husband today. Yet again, he (fill in the blank.) And so I had to (fill in the blank again.) And with the way the day started out I sure as heck didn’t want to (you’d better sharpen your pencil.)

It really made me angry.

So, I was still fuming a little this morning, after I dropped the kids to school. The light turned yellow and then red. We were stuck at a pretty long traffic light. I say “we” because the car ahead of me had a really cute guy in the driver’s seat.

Sandy blond hair. White shirt, tie. Driving a clean, black luxury vehicle. Ooooo, he just looked at me again in his side mirror.

He smiled at me. I smiled at him.

Ahhhh, I remember my single days. Carefree. Free to look. Free to dream. Free to — whaaaaa?

Was that a stream of spit I saw spewing out the window? Ick. Ewwwww, and another? Are you kidding me?

No longer checking me out, he then tosses his still burning cigarette butt onto the street. Does he not know that cigarettes take 25 years to decompose? What a litter bug! What a slob! I feel sorry for whoever lives with….

Is he doing what I think he’s doing?

He IS!

He’s picking his nose! Gross. He’s rolling it around between his fingers and he just flicked THAT out the window!

That did it. He just committed, in a minute and twenty-second time period, the Trifecta-Of-Nasty-Habits-And-Why-I’d-Never-Date-You.

Thank God I’m already married.

(I am so lucky, Honey! You are the best husband EVER! )

36 Comments

Filed under Observations

36 responses to “The Trifecta Of Nasty Habits And Why I’d Never Date You. Ever!

  1. Nicki

    Great laugh to start the morning! Thanks, Jane!

  2. suzicate

    You are too funny, Jane! Glad I’m married, too. Can’t imagine having to learn to put up with a whole new set of bad habits. ……..oh, we won’t mention any of mine!

  3. This was so cute! I know the feeling well!

  4. That’s good.
    Apparently his vision is bad as well since he looked in the mirror to see if anyone was watching while he did the trifecta.
    Ick.
    Luxury vehicles do not buy class.
    🙂

  5. angelcel

    Hahaha…that’s just too gross! 🙂

  6. Sigh….
    this is why I rarely date…

  7. SO glad to be out of the dating pool. Sounds like the fishing in that pond wasn’t as delectable as it seemed, huh? LOL I can’t imagine having to wade through that pool again!

    Thanks for the morning chuckle!

  8. I love my husband and all his quirks. Thank goodness none of them are any of the above!

  9. Ms. B

    Oh jeez, what a gross man! You are very lucky to be married to a guy that does not commit such horrible offenses ;P

  10. unabridgedgirl

    EW! EWEWEWEWEW!

    LoL Great post!

  11. Wow. I’m still scratching my head about this one — I guess he just doesn’t care that people can see him?

    I love this: “I was a little ticked at my husband today. Yet again, he (fill in the blank.) And so I had to (fill in the blank again.) And with the way the day started out I sure as heck didn’t want to (you’d better sharpen your pencil.)” Don’t we all have things with which to fill in those blanks! Even more effective than if you’d actually described the specific issue 🙂

  12. HAHAHA! Literally LOL! This is a great technique I like to use when each and every one of my husband’s flaws are grating my nerves- find someone worse to compare him to. Seriously, though, it is sometimes so easy to identify all the wonderful qualities that may or may not exist in other men that I forget the wonderful qualities in my own, living, breathing, man. Like, maybe, the fact that he loves me and our family.

  13. YES! So many days when I am frustrated with my husband UNTIL I run into someone–or see someone doing something–that makes me cling to my husband that much harder.

    So grateful.

  14. Yuck, yuck, yuck. I had a sociology teacher in high school who used to comment about when driving their cars people seem to think they become invisible to everyone else and do all sorts of disgusting things. Apparently your stoplight buddy is a prime offender. Thanks for the laugh.

  15. You always find that the perfect looking person has something about them that you just can’t stand. For me it’s the voice. They can look oh so perfect and then they open their mouths and talk!!

    Yuck to the smoking, nose picking, phlegm gobbing guy!

  16. Agh! (shudder). Grass isn’t always greener, huh?

  17. So that was you, eh? It sure made me feel good seeing your beautiful smile.

    Seriously, though … trifecta indeed! [shudder]

    🙂

  18. My stomach flipped in the wrong way. Ewww. I’ve taken to honking at people who flick their cigarettes out the window. That or bite my thumb at them. Bastards.

  19. Wonderful and hilarious sketch. I love that in a matter of moments you went from scoping this guy out to thanking your lucky stars for your perfectly imperfect husband. This is life, right? We ride out frustrations and long days and then we are struck with potent realizations that we wouldn’t change a thing.

  20. In our city you can get the license number of the butt tosser and the city will send him a letter saying that had the police been at the scene, he could have been fined. You could probably add spitting to the letter, but I’m not sure about the pick! I suppose it depends on what he did with his collection.

  21. This was such a clever post…I love it. Your post summed up in less than 2 minutes why it’s good to be married.

  22. These feelings are so universal! In addition to my husband, I feel the same way about other people’s kids some days. Then, they spit or pick their nose or throw themselves down on the floor like wet noodles, and I think: Hey, my kids are pretty imperfectly perfect just as they are.

  23. ck

    What a great post! (I’m still laughing.)

  24. I adore this post. You perfectly captured the feelings of marriage and how they oscillate violently within a minute or two!

  25. suzicate

    I’ll have an award for you on my post in the morning!

  26. Hilarious and gross all at the same time!!! It is moments like those that we are glad we’re not “out there” right?

  27. What a wonderful reminder of the dangers of the-grass-is-always-greener thinking.

    Have you seen the Seinfeld episode in which Jerry is caught scratching his nose in a cab by his girlfriend who insists the scratch was actually a pick? Apparently, your traffic light friend hasn’t seen it.

  28. LOL!! You had me from the title, “The Trifecta of Nasty Habits and Why I’d Never Date You. Ever!” Hilarious. And I’m glad I’m married too. So I can sport my trifecta of nasty habits openly and without shame. (Hee hee.)

  29. Funny post.

    While driving the family mini-van around during the daytime with our twin toddlers I am careful not to do anything in case I am being checked out. Wait, I am guessing that my description elimates the possibility of anyone noticing me. Ok, good I can go back to spitting…

  30. Steven Harris

    It’s astounding how people feel they are invisible inside their cars. I know that it must feel like an extension of being at home, especially for those who spend much of their working day driving, but they wouldn’t pick their noses or spit in the office. Would they? Hilarious and disgusting all at once.

  31. LOL! What you didn’t see is your husb meeting the actor guy at Starbucks and paying him for an acting job well done. 😉

  32. How do people get to that point? The point to where they are just disgusting slobs… and they don’t even care. SO glad I’m married!!! (To a man who is very far fom slobbish, thank God!)
    -Jen

  33. joz1234

    People that find out that I’ve been with my husband since I was 16 often wonder how on earth I do it. They couldn’t imagine being with one man for that long and never being with another.

    this post just made me realize how lucky I am. 😉 Thanks!

  34. Teehee that was soooo funny!!

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