Teetering On A Tightrope

Today’s Tune for Tuesday Selection = Kandi by One Eskimo

You’ve been my queen for longer than you know
My love for you has been
Everything step i take
Every day i live
Everything i see” – Growing up as I did, it was difficult to feel worthy. When a boyfriend, or even a husband, claimed love for me I had a hard time believing him. Insecurity doesn’t even begin to describe.

“But i heard from Jo about this guy And i want to know” – As a result, I teetered on a dangerous tightrope, many times. If another boy gave me attention, I listened. I encouraged. I often came close to crossing the line.

“What did he say?
He called me baby, baby all night long
What did he do?
He called me baby, baby all night long” – But I didn’t. Not physically. But emotionally. Intellectually. Instead of confronting issues within my current relationship, I savored the attention of someone else. Not some of my prouder moments, to be sure.

“Why? Why? Why, did you need him?
Where was i?” – So I’d feel unworthy all over again. A vicious cycle. One that I’ve broken, thank goodness. But the regrets of my younger years haunt me sometimes. I’m much stronger now. Much more secure. But still, regret lies in the shadows.

“And it hurts beyond hurt
It was a love that blinds
And a love that stings” – I’m so thankful that I am who I am. I’m thankful for regret. For mis-steps. That I’ve been hurt. That I’ve hurt.

Without the sting I wouldn’t be able to appreciate what I have now.

(Update: And the winner is…..lucky number 4! (Chosen by #2son because “that’s how many Star Wars army guys I have in my hand!”) Mary Lee of Marrilymarylee’s Weblog is the lucky winner of Aidan Donnelley Rowley’s copy of “Life After Yes!” Congratulations, Mary Lee and thanks to all who played!)


Filed under Growing Up, Lessons Learned, Music

9 responses to “Teetering On A Tightrope

  1. Mel

    Great post Jane. I love this song, it’s mesmerizing. And I know what you mean about the insecurity, the missteps and heartache that brought me to this place, where I’m finally OK. Thanks for sharing.

  2. I try to tell myself that during the lows…that I wouldn’t appreciate the highs, even feel them, if I didn’t know the reverse. But man, it it hard to remember that sometimes.

  3. “Without the sting I wouldn’t be able to appreciate what I have now.”

    True, like being really hungry makes a stale peanut butter sandwich taste like a gourmet meal.

  4. unabridgedgirl

    I’ve never heard this song. New to me! And great post. Thanks for sharing.

  5. I could have written this post….although I did cross the line in the past. Thank you for this. For sharing. For being so eloquent and reassuring to those of us who have walked a similar road. **HUGS**

  6. Oh dear, Jane. This post hit a little too close to home. I was that girl too: “Instead of confronting issues within my current relationship, I savored the attention of someone else.” Thank goodness I found a man to help me overcome my insecurities and to make me happy and fulfilled exactly where I am.

    I didn’t know this song, either. Thanks for the introduction!

  7. Don’t spend time regretting the past – we’ve all done things we wish we hadn’t – the important thing is to learn from it, and grow in a positive way, and you’ve certainly done that. 🙂

  8. Oh, how familiar this sounds!

  9. I’m going to go check this out!

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