Mr. Spam? Thanks. But I’m Gainfully Employed. Just A Question. How Is It YOU Have A Job?

“I open your site and I saw you quite correctly wrote in your site and seeing your site I impressed from u site Employers say they are impressed by job candidates who have excellent communication skills, good grooming habits, and relevant work experience.”

First of all, thank you for visiting, Mr. Spam. I’m always happy to see a new tick on my visits counter.

And you noticed that I “correctly wrote in”  my site? Yes, really, it’s quite simple. I open up WordPress. Click new post and begin typing away. With fairly good grammar and impeccable spelling, thanks to the spell check feature. I even use punctuation!

U impressed? And u think employers would be impressed with me, too? Why, I’m blushing. Who knew that I might be impressing anyone? And I’m not even in the market for a job. I don’t remember filling out any online applications lately.

But you noticed that I have “excellent communication skills?” Why, thank you. I’m blushing again. I do try. It’s why I practice here, at my blog, a few days a week.

And my relevant work experience? Well, you’re right. I was a high school teacher of both literature and math for 13 years. I’ve worked in the restaurant industry – even shared ownership of a small coffee house. I’ve worked in human resources and coached swimming. And now? The job of a lifetime. I’m a stay-at-home mom and loving every single minute of it. Well, not every minute, but most minutes. And that’s what counts. Right?

Now, here’s where I’m stymied.

You’re impressed with my good grooming habits.

As I sit here in t-shirt and pj shorts, with brushed teeth and my hair up in a clip (I haven’t even washed my face yet) – you’re impressed? Are your standards low or am I really in the top of my class when it comes to grooming? I mean, I can’t see (or smell) my fellow bloggers. If they’re like me, they’re lucky to get a shower once a day or a pedicure once in a blue moon.

Or are you big brother (I have a brother-in-law who actually believes this kind of stuff) with cameras strategically placed in my home? You speak as if you know me. I will look at my heating vents or my children’s stuffed animals or knick knacks on the bookshelves in a whole new way.

And while I’m flattered with your impressions of me – and my site and my hygiene – I wonder how you were able to secure YOUR job.

Here’s a little hint. Spell check and grammar check? They’re your friends.

29 Comments

Filed under funny

29 responses to “Mr. Spam? Thanks. But I’m Gainfully Employed. Just A Question. How Is It YOU Have A Job?

  1. Good one, Jane!

    Me think you quite correctly wrote another great post.

    I impressed from u site too.

    😀

  2. angelcel

    Heehee…u wicked!

  3. Mel

    Ha Ha! Good one. We share some grooming habits, I see. Lately, I’ve been getting spammed in my email account – by me! – trying to sell me Viagra. I am mystified, and creeped out that my email account name can be so easily hacked. I’ve given up tracking it and reporting, because it is a drop in the ocean. But still, I feel annoyed and violated somehow. Thank my lucky stars that my blog is so teeny and under the radar that the spambots haven’t found me yet. Fingers crossed!

  4. Lately I have noticed that I’m getting “referrer” visits from strange sites which surely are commercial. They don’t leave comments, but then what, exactly could a loan company say about a post on squirrels eating my green tomatoes.

    What wonderful promises did Mr. Spammer have in store for you?

    Hmm. Almost noon. I should groom myself in case he’s watching me, too.

  5. I love how you can turn a comment like that into an exercise in healthy humour and sarcasm.

    At first, I laughed at the comment with its ridiculous message and clearly confused usage of the English language. Then I laughed at your very detailed analysis. But then, somehow, the comment lost a little bit of amusing luster and struck me as creepy. Who or what writes something like that and, more importantly, for what reason?

  6. Brilliant! I absolutely love this. I have just started getting the Viagra spam comments and now emails too, which is funny but at the same time annoying. I think I might have to write a similar message but somehow I think if sent, like yours, it would not be understood 🙂

  7. Love it! I could not have thought it better. Mr. Spam visits me often and sometimes I just chuckle.

  8. I love when you mine your spam folder for ridiculous comments. “U” crack me up!

    Happy weekend, Jane (and Mr. Spam, of course)!

  9. unabridgedgirl

    Hahahaha. OH my goodness. I am laughing like a maniac. Love you, Jane.

  10. U did good Jane. Very funny and I’m a little jealous that I did not think of writing a post like this first.

  11. Ohmigosh! It didn’t occur to me until you mentioned it that they might be watching us! But that can’t be, one look at me when I’m doing my computer stuff and they’d never come back. Come to think of it, I’m not sure any of them ever do actually repeat a visit!

    Time to search the house.

  12. Steven Harris

    I’d prefer these spammers were more honest: “I didn’t actually read your article but decided to spam the heck out of you anyway. BUY MY USELESS PRODUCTS!”

  13. You are so funny – as the others said, it’s great how you can take a comment like that and turn it into a funny, witty, wonderful blog post!

  14. Nice post! I thought you were going to write about Spam the meat.

  15. I impressed with u grooming habits.

  16. Thank you for the laughs! There’s an award over at my blog for you 🙂

  17. LMAO. You get all the best spam. I’m still getting Viagra comments, but I don’t use the spellcheck, despite years of teaching English and decades as a copyeditor. Also because wordpress doesn’t believe most of my words are words, so I stopped looking at their squiggle lines.
    This post is awesome. Forward me the employer info on any solid offers you receive from Spambot. ‘Cuz they’d love my grooming, too.

  18. Well there are always those funny things that happen in the life of blogging. It’s great that you take It with a sense of humor. I interact with some people who actually get up set by those interesting messages, and will spend hours trying to reconfigure there spam filters. But merely a simple click of Delete will solve all. Nice write, It gave me a nice laugh to start off the day, not a laugh at your article of course, but at the many weird spam messages that I am sure we all get, Oh and thanks now you have me thinking, “tape over the web cam lens” Thanks, and have a nice Sunday and a great week. V.H.

  19. Love those spammers.
    They really have no idea how little it would take to fool people, if only they could freaking spell, and MAKE SENSE.

  20. The spam comments crack me up, too. My favorite was the one I got from “Louie Vutton.”

  21. Funny! I liked it better when Spam was something you didn’t want to eat.

  22. I love your wit. I love it when I get the ones that are just unintelligible gibberish that I guess are coming from some country that is obviously not English speaking. Heck I’m not even sure if it’s HUMAN speaking!

  23. This made me laugh. Spammers have it made don’t they? Skills? None. Communicate well? No. You’re hired!

    Great post.

  24. I think Mr. Spam has a friend who is down-on-his-luck royalty in Africa somewhere and needs you to wire over some money right away … so he can take a few communication classes and get groomed, you see.

  25. Thanks for the laugh Jane. And as bloggers we can all relate. Great Great Post! Thanks.

  26. Hahaha Imagine me at my desk at work rocking my big swivel chair with uncontrollable laughter. Or, rather, rolling around on the floor under my desk. Okay, fine, I just sat in my seat and laughed. You crack me up!

  27. absurdoldbird

    Great post! These sorts of thoughts often go through my head when I read spam comments, too (though the ones comprised of long unconnected lists of words just boggle – my mind, my synapses and my sandwiches. Anything that gets in their way, really.)

    Val

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