Nothing Is As It Seems

Did you ever have one of those moments?

You do a double take when you see a glimpse of your life. You thought things were one way and they are another.

My life has been filled with those moments in the past month. With friends. With family. It’s been unsettling.

 

Do you see a city scape? Something else?

Is she just not that in to you? Does he really listen when you speak? Does she have an ulterior motive? Can you really trust him? Are you about to be blindsided?

Unsettling moments. Uncomfortable moments. And I’ve handled them.

Barely.

On the outside I’ve blown off, shrugged off, wiped up and kissed.

On the inside I’m questioning, wondering, pining for and spent.

Just when I think I’ve got her pegged. Just when I think I can handle anything they can throw at me. That’s when it happens. Something out of left field. Something I could have never anticipated.

I’m thrown for a loop again. I feel like Charlie Brown with Lucy pulling the football away at just the last second.

That’s how I’ve felt lately.

It’s times like these that I want to become a hermit. Pack up  my essentials. Sell my other worldly goods and find a tiny, quaint (very clean) cabin at some remote location. Close enough to a town with a grocery store, hardware store and a library. A town where the locals value privacy, courtesy and kindness.

Self reliance. Become a modern-day Emerson.

“Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

That about sums it up.

Well said, Ralph. Well said.

27 Comments

Filed under All In A Day's Work, Ponderings

27 responses to “Nothing Is As It Seems

  1. angelcel

    Well you’ve obviously had a busy and stressful month so I hope that it’s just tiredness that is the underlying cause of these feelings.

    That life of a hermit that you describe? That’s pretty much my life – if you lived closer you could come visit. Bring a book and we’re all set up for the day.

  2. I’ve been there too. For the last couple of years, I’ve tried to eliminate expectation out of my life. If I do that, there is a smaller chance of disappointment.

    Hope this month is better.

  3. Unfortunately, I have also had more of these moments with each passing year. On the flipside, those things and people that are most important and genuine, begin to reveal themselves to you in monumental ways. Down with the awkwardness and uncertainty of the teenage years!

  4. Aw, I’m sorry you’re having these feelings, Jane. Especially with friends and family – the ones you should be able to trust and feel at ease with the most! Remember you always have your bloggy friends here to cheer you on and hopefully cheer you up, too! We won’t pull your football away. I hope things get better really soon! HUGS!

  5. Well said. I’ve felt like that often. I think I’m actually in that place right now…. Hope it gets better.

  6. Oh I’ve felt that. More than once. It’s funny how it seems to come in waves…that exhausted, exasperated, DONE with it all feeling. Like all hurts it fades, but dang does it hurt before the fading kicks in.

    Hope the next wave is a sweet one, full of reminders of trust and friendship and love.

    • I love your analogy – a wave. That’s exactly what this is. And my next wave WILL be better – I’m already riding the crest.

  7. It’s these challenges that make us doubt and question. Hold fast to what you believe, and know that this is temporary. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

  8. I am very sorry you’re feeling this way lately. I can relate; I just asked my husband today if we could move and live off the land.

  9. Well, some things are as they seem. Bacon, for instance. Bacon never lies. Take comfort in bacon.

  10. I would try to dissuade you from such an action, but unfortunately I feel that way often myself and would be bumping into you in that isolated place.

  11. Hugs, Jane. Doesn’t it seem like those rug-out-from-under-you moments come in waves, crashing into you until you’re so spun around that weird feels normal? And that normal is something you no longer trust? Until it lulls you, month after month, into a sense that the rug will stay there?
    It won’t.
    Sorry it has done all its upending at once.

  12. I hope life gets back to “normal” or at least peace and quiet soon for you. I have to second Allison (some wise words!): Bacon stays true and true.

  13. Bacon never pretends to be something it is not.

  14. I’m sorry things have been rough for you. Unfair! I wish I could come over with a hug and a pitcher of margaritas.

  15. Oh Jane, I think I know how you feel. Tough month here. Sick parent, sick sister, ungrateful kids, on and on.
    You should come here for a rejuvinating weekend. Seriously.

  16. Did someone mention margaritas??

    I hope things feel better soon Jane.

  17. (((Jane)))

    I know that feeling, wanting footing. Wishing you sidewalks with no holes and space (physical or mental or both) to for your heart to call its own.

  18. To surfer-girl riding the wave crest:

    How’s the view from up there? Your post reminded me of a quote I saw, “Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.” -Jennifer Unlimited. Here’s hoping for more settled, comfortable moments.

  19. Jane, I’m right there with you. Of course, I would rather run away to a tropical beach somewhere.

  20. Pingback: Broken and lost « Faemom

  21. I’m right there with you. I’ve been pining away for a cabin in Montana (or somewhere similar) for months now.

  22. bearyweather

    I can relate .. two years ago, one of my close friendships came tumbling down because I found out it was built on a foundation of lies … things were definitely not as they seemed to be to me. Having the football pulled away from you tinkers with your ability to trust. There are still days when I think back over the years of that friendship and wonder what was real and what was not… I wonder when that will stop bothering me? (margaritas only worked for a few hours)

  23. polymerclaysnails

    I love this post! It’s almost exactly as it was going on in my own head. I came across your blog from Faemom … and I think you just gained yourself an avid follower!

  24. Ink

    (((((((Jane))))))))

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