The Grass Isn’t Greener. It’s Just Different.

(I’m sorry for the unscheduled re-run but here is a post from last year. My sister’s husband died over the weekend and it’s been a little crazy in my house, in my head. Didn’t want to leave you with nothing to read with your morning coffee so here is post originally from September 21, 2009, from my blog’s infancy. Hope to see you all tomorrow!)

A close friend was going through some struggles in her marriage. And if you believe in coincidences, a blast from her past appeared unexpectedly. They ran into each other at a sporting event. She was with her husband and 2 other couples. They chatted about old times and he encouraged them (a few of the people in the party, including my friend)  to stay in touch.  Well, she did. One thing led to another and they were about to do something they probably shouldn’t but she stopped.

She has a loving husband. Beautiful children. Comfortable home. Good job. Loving friends and family. She was so embarrassed and upset that she had been tempted. But things weren’t as perfect as they seemed in her marriage and she started listing all of the cons in her relationship with her husband. The magic is gone. He doesn’t appreciate me. His priorities always take precedence. And on. And on.

I asked her to look at the pros. But all she could think of was the excitement that this ex was providing. She was so caught up with the magic she couldn’t see why they had ended it so long ago. And I told her; The grass isn’t greener. It’s just different.


Some varieties need more attention, more water. They need to be cut more often and edged a certain way. Others are less needy. You can skip watering and let nature take care of it. It doesn’t need to be weeded or fertilized. There are so many varieties out there. You have to decide which variety is best for your lawn, where you’re living and how much time you have to devote to it. You make your decision and then work with it.

I’m so glad my friend decided not to go back to her ex. She’s making it work with her husband. But recently she told me that when I told her about “the grass not being greener” she was just listening politely to me. She didn’t really get it. It didn’t hit her until the ex said something that dragged her back to reality. It brought back all of the reasons why they had broken up and she didn’t want to deal with such a high maintenance lawn.

She liked her life the way it was. She was familiar with this variety. And while there was some weeding to do and she never could quite get which fertilizer to use when; it WAS a beautiful lawn.

(My sister and her husband had a very real, down to earth, love-all-the-warts kind of marriage. They appreciated each other in a way that I so admired. Let’s all hug our spouses a little tighter today. We never know how long we’ll have with each other.)


Filed under Marriage

27 responses to “The Grass Isn’t Greener. It’s Just Different.

  1. Oh, Jane…I’m so sorry about your brother-in-law!

    Your post today relates to a movie Jim and I watched last night…although it’s a comedy, Date Night reminded me how important it is not to get stuck in the same old routine with one’s spouse…that’s a relationship killer sometimes!


  2. Oh my gosh, I am so shocked and saddened by your news! I’ll be thinking of your sister and your family. Sending white light your way…

  3. I’m sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts.

  4. That is such tragic news about your brother-in-law. Oh your poor sister and her family. You are so very right, you never know how much time you have on this amazing earth with those you love. When something like this happens it reminds you of all you have in your own life to be so very appreciative of.

  5. Mel

    So sorry Jane, for you and your family, and wishing you strength and love to help you through.

  6. My thoughts and heart are with your sister and with you and your family in this very difficult, emotional time.

  7. Jane, I’m sorry.

    And by the way, this is a great post. It is so, so true.

  8. My condolences and admiration, as well.

  9. So sorry to hear about your sister’s husband! You’re right — time with loved ones is precious.

    And, yes, green grass is lovely, but it takes work. Yet, even the weedy patches can be pretty interesting~

  10. I will give my husband a big hug today when I get home from work . . . thanks for the reminder to appreciate every day with the ones we love. I’m sorry about your sister’s husband.

  11. I am so sorry to hear about your brother-in-law. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  12. Oh Jane, what a poignant reminder. So sorry for what your family is going through right now.

  13. Jane,

    I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  14. That’s a tough one. So sorry about your brother-in-law. Hugs to all of you.

  15. Oh, Jane! I’m so sorry. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers in the coming days and weeks. Take care of yourself. And don’t feel obligated to feed us blog posts. We’ll be just fine until you get back. XOXO.

  16. It sucks and I’m so sorry! Your words are very wise.
    The day my dearly departed died–My son remembers saying I love you before he jumped out of the car and headed up the stairs to school. I remember talking to dearly departed on the phone about something that should have turned into an argument but instead of ended with “I love you, we are in this together babe.” Dearly departed, was the pictures of health–it was the last thing on earth we expected. The universe had another plan. No matter what, tell your children, your spouse, your parents, your friends that you love them often–for no reason at all. Tell them all the time.

  17. How quickly the world changes, and our perspective with it. My sympathies – to your sister and your whole family. You will be in my thoughts.

  18. Prayers are going out to you and your family! *hugs*

  19. Jane, there aren’t words for your sister. I’m so very sorry for the loss of your brother-in-law. Thinking of you.

  20. I’m so sorry. Sudden loss is very difficult for everyone left behind. Hugs to you and your sister and all your family.

    And you are so right about that grass.

  21. So very sorry to hear… sending hugs and prayers to your family. 😦

  22. I am so sorry for your loss. I imagine your sister is in indescribable pain so, please, take good care of her. Still, I find this piece a remarkable fit with the tragedy that happened in your family. I believe that you are a wise, good friend and an excellent, loving sister. (Don’t try to tell me otherwise, please.)

  23. Thank you ALL for your kind, sweet words. It means the world to me that I am surrounded by such beautiful, loving people in Blog World. While it may seem sudden to you, my brother-in-law’s death was not a surprise. He had been struggling with cancer for a little over a year. And while he had been in hospice until he died, his recent weeks were so good and he was in such good spirits there were plans to move him home. He took a sudden turn for the worse and his death was not a peaceful, gentle one.

    Your prayers and warm thoughts mean so much to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  24. Oh Jane – so sorry to hear about your brother-in-law…there’s nothing that anyone can say – but please know I am thinking of you – and especially your sister. xxx

  25. Once again, sorry for your loss!

    I remembered this post: one of my favorites by you. Good choice for a rerun!

  26. Just surfing. Like the photo with the fence and feild fading to infinity. Blog seems interesting but tonight I’m just flashing on graphic images.
    Thank You,

  27. secretlifeofjane

    Great post, Jane. I am so sorry for your loss. I work with people with cancer everyday and it is certainly a long road to travel. My thoughts are with you and your family. I hope you can find peace now.

    Your post hits home for me. If only I had someone like you to talk some sense in me before I went down the affair path.

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