This goes into the books for something I thought of first but someone else is going to have to implement.
I want Hallmark to create a Dysfunctional Families Division.
Yes. I’m putting my idea out there for Hallmark to see.
Come on, Hallmark. Run with it!
I hate searching for a Mother’s Day, Father’s Day or birthday cards for my parents. I’m a crappy daughter. Just ask them. But I’m not so crappy that I don’t send them a card for birthdays and other holidays.
I’m not asking for mean cards. I don’t want them to say “I hate you!” or “You screwed up my life!” or “Thanks for nothing!” I’m crappy but I’m not cruel. But all of this “You were always there for me” or “Thank you for being the kind of (parent) that is so easy to love!” or “I am so lucky to have you for a (parent)!” I’m just not feelin’ it.
I’m pretty organized. I have one of those handy, dandy card organizers. On the rare occasion that I find more than one card that would suffice for Mother’s Day, Father’s Day or birthday? I buy them all. Then I stick them in my handy, dandy card organizer so I’m ready for the next year. Luckily, last year was one of those banner years. I was armed and ready for this Father’s Day.
My husband? Not so much.
“Damn. Publix was closed by the time I got there. I couldn’t get a card for my dad!” He looks at me with a sheepish grin on his face that means, “So you’ll go get a card for me tomorrow….right?”
“Kroger is open until midnight,” I say, not even looking up from my book.
He sighs and heads back out the door.
An hour later. Yes, a full hour later, he arrives back home. With one card.
“Uhg!” He flops into the house and slams the single, one ounce card onto the counter.
“Picking out a card for my dad is like going through therapy,” he laments.
I know exactly how he feels.