Facebook Status Updates I Wish I Had The Guts To Post

  1. I’m just a lazy @$$, sitting on my couch eating Cheetos and watching TV while the rest of you are running marathons and getting your best time. Ever!
  2. You have your health, a job, your kids aren’t doing drugs and your husband is faithful. Quit your whining!
  3. What a busy weekend! There isn’t enough room to list all the parties I was invited to and you weren’t!
  4. I honestly don’t care about what computer game you are playing or what your top score is.
  5. If you just posted that you’re at the local pub, the newest gourmet cafe or snazzy boutique and you didn’t ask me to come along? Please. Just stop typing.
  6. I’m in the grocery line. The woman in front of me is paying with coupons and exact change. I forgot laundry soap. I don’t want to get out of line. Still waiting for the lady in front of me. Boy, I’m so hungry. Oh yay! It’s my turn. Great. There’s a price check. So, I’m still waiting. Is this boring for you? Yep. Me, too.
  7. You’re having a fight with your boyfriend. Fine. I get it. It happens to all of us. But if you’re not going to tell HIM how you feel, please don’t tell all of us.
  8. Just a little unsolisited advise. Their is no spellchek or grammer chek on Facebook. Proof you’re posts.
  9. Boundaries people! I don’t want to hear about your day 0n the toilet.
  10. OMG. If you have time to post your time at the 1/2 way mark of your marathon maybe you should put the phone down and try to beat the course record. You might have more to brag about at the end of your race. Just sayin’.


Filed under Completely Random

9 responses to “Facebook Status Updates I Wish I Had The Guts To Post

  1. And this is the reason why I don’t have Facebook! Thanks! 😀

  2. You’ve now planted an idea in my brain: just before I’m ready to completely disappear from cyberspace, perhaps flee to the jungles of some only partially inhabited country, I’m going to comment exactly what I’m thinking on every post. First, however, I’m going to accrue hundreds of friends so I’ll have more posts to comment on. Then I’m going to fade into the mist – perhaps go into witness protection.

  3. BeckySefton

    Oh, so many potential Facebook statuses popping into my head right now! Thanks for the giggle!

  4. I am pretty technosavy (is that a word?) but I absolutely refuse to follow ANYONE on Twitter. Don’t want to be anyone’s “friend” on Facebook either. Telephone, email and even texting have all widely broadened our avenues for communicating with one another. And we have blogger for our cyberbuddies (is that a word?) For all the comments you listed (and I especially like #8) I will not willingly read or listen to any more nonsense. Today I was at the grocery store and stopped by the ladies room. The entire time I was in there a young girl continued a cell phone conversation with someone. I’m sorry I won’t be able to see the tweet about her adventure.

  5. My friends whine, fight, run marathons, go to parties, share pictures from fabulous trips. We don’t proof a whole lot. We lived in suspense yesterday over sperm that was caught in a wash cylinder…it’s a long story but it was recused and implanted in time..we all breathed a sigh of relief (no confidentiality was breached). We cheered a Facebook friend on throughout the Chicago Marathon. She did post at water breaks. It may have cost her time but the motivation was priceless (or so she told us when she thanked us). I get where you are coming from–and you are far from alone but I love all those inconsequential posts. We meet for coffee every morning around El Morno between 5:30-7am and I’ll tell you a secret Cole was an hour late for school because we planned a Facebook surprise party for a El Morno friend and he was a little late. But it was SO FUN. I hope you find more fun on Facebook too!! (PS if anyone is wondering—I have a life-kind of)

  6. These are amazing! Love, love!

  7. These are priceless. Wish I’d thought of this. What we probably don’t realize is no one’s life is as good as their posts. It’s all an illusion…or a delusion.

  8. Oh my goodness!!! I am so grammatically OCD! I can’t stand reading people’s posts that aren’t spelled correctly and written with the proper punctuation. And the people that like to add extraaaaa lettttters to worrrrrdsss. Really? That just hurts my eyes and now I must ‘hide’ you. LOL

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