One Little Phrase Is All It Takes To Steal My Thunder

I had a check-up this morning. The female kind. And I was dreading it.

I’m the kind of gal that thinks ignorance is bliss. I hate the necessary poking and prodding it takes to stay healthy. What do I hate worse? The dreaded weigh-in.

Pregnant at 40, my midwife warned me that at my advanced age it would be tough to lose the baby weight. I didn’t believe her. I’d never struggled with weight issues before. In fact, I was underweight for most of my teens and 20s.

Rude awakening #1.

I have struggled and struggled and all but given up on getting back to my pre-baby weight. A weight that I wasn’t that happy with to begin with. But lately, with increased devotion to my yoga and small dietary changes (very small changes because I love to cook and I adore my Coca-Cola) I have slowly, very slowly started to melt some pounds. Yes. Pounds. As in plural. And, and this is a big “and,” it has stayed off. No yo-yo-ing this time for me.

I dreaded stepping onto that scale today, though. I don’t weigh myself at home. I use my clothes as a judge. And I am so self-defeating, the tiny changes I’ve noticed I’ve attributed to: designers creating vanity sizes, drying my clothes on a lower setting, stretching out my jeans.

As I tentatively stepped onto the scale, I sucked in my breath, as if that would create some kind of weightless vacuum.

“You’ve lost another four pounds since September,” the nurse said cheerily.

Did I hear her right? More weight? Gone?

Woo hoo!

This is the second weigh-in when I’ve lost weight. Two doctor visits in a row. And I’m losing. Not gaining. Not even staying the same.

But that can’t be. I cooked like a demon during Thanksgiving. Publix has had buy-one-get-one ice cream for the past 3 weeks. My birthday was this past weekend and I didn’t hold back. Cake. Ice cream. Meals out. All weekend.

I cheer. Out loud. The nurse smiles.

“But you don’t understand,” I say, “I’ve been struggling for 8 years to not only lose weight but keep it off. It’s finally working!”

She smiles again and starts rattling off instructions: take off clothes, gown opens in front, something about a sheet to cover up. But I barely hear her. I’m singing inside.

“Celebrate good times! C’mon”

“I am beautiful. In every single way.”

“It’s going to be a great day!”

The doctor comes in. I barely hear her commands. I’m grinning from ear to ear. Until…

“Do you perform regular breast exams?”

Pretty much. At least every other month.

“Well, do you feel this mass here?”

She guides my hand to the spot.

“I just want to rule anything out. So, I’m going to order a diagnostic mammogram just to be sure it isn’t anything to worry about.”

Pffffft.

Rude awakening #2

The wind was just sucked out from under me.

Rule anything out. Be sure it isn’t anything to worry about. Huh?

Didn’t she hear? I just lost and kept off 4 more pounds. I was having a fabulous day. Ok, fabulous last 15 minutes.

Did she really have to steal my thunder?

Sigh.

This sucks.

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13 Comments

Filed under Lessons Learned, Observations

13 responses to “One Little Phrase Is All It Takes To Steal My Thunder

  1. Aw, well done with the weight but hope that the other thing doesn’t steal your thunder too much. Thinking of you! 🙂

  2. Good luck with the mammogram. But don’t let it take your happy away.

    FYI: after my pregnancy, aka: hormonal devastation, my body decided to reject gluten. I just figured it out this year. I stopped gluten and dropped over 25 pounds. Just like that. Pregnancy does things to us.

  3. Good luck with the mammogram. Sending positive vibes your way. You should definitely celebrate weight loss. xoxo

  4. Here’s hoping the mammogram gives good news. I’ll be thinking about you blogger buddy.

  5. Congrats on the weight loss! I hope the mammogram goes well.

  6. Congrats on losing the weight, Jane! I had a similar “mass” scare three years ago…best to get it checked out! Good luck!

    Wendy

  7. B

    Way to go on dropping some pounds and I hope the mass turns out to be nothing!

  8. The mass just has to be nothing. Has to. And congrats on the weight loss, I know how hard that is to do! Keep us posted please?

  9. Sending all sorts of positive thoughts and karma your way.

  10. Well, that just stinks! I hope they get this resolved quickly. This kind of wait is the absolute longest, I think, and it’s hard to get medical folks to feel your urgency.

    I know it’ll be fine–just don’t eat yourself into a dizzy while you’re waiting.
    That weight loss… truly WOWworthy! I thought your holiday picture was lovely.

    Thinking good thoughts. . . for speedy, positive answers.

    Hugs.

  11. Doctors always focus on the problems, don’t they? They are in a “fix-it” profession and I guess they can’t fix what is not broken … but, they should find a moment to point to some positives. Guess, when they don’t, we have to be our own cheerleaders … and you have something to cheer about! Congratulations on the weight-loss .. my similar struggle has been a roller-coaster.

    I have had to go through the same test result wait … I know how tough it can be. I ditto Merrily Marylee’s comment “Thinking good thoughts. . . for speedy, positive answers.”

  12. Such a bummer! Hopefully the mass will turn out to be one of those things that happens as we mature – nothing to worry about it. In the meantime, focus on the new beautiful slender you!

  13. I saw you in your previous post, and you look terrific. Odds are the mass is just there to mess with your mind.

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