Jane Wants To Know. How Do YOU Filter Your Comments?

Before I explain, if you’re going to give me a free speech lecture or simply say “everyone is entitled to their opinion” I’d like to politely ask you to leave. Just click that little mouse of yours and find some other blogger to badger. I’ve heard all those speeches before. In my own head.

Click. Click. Click.

Is that everyone?

Click. 

Okay. Good.

I shall begin.

I have a comment that has been sitting in my pending folder for over a month now. It’s been sitting there because I have no idea what to do with it.

It isn’t obscene.

It isn’t spam.

It isn’t self-promoting.

It is littered with grammatical and spelling errors.

It is mildly illiterate.

It is about an inflammatory subject that I wrote about a while ago.

And it is mildly controversial and something I might be tempted to waste my breath, I mean fingers, and type a response. To deaf ears (blind eyes?), presumably.

I haven’t “approved” it because I don’t want to invite ridicule. I then pat myself on the back for being so sensitive. But I know it’s really because I disagree with the comment and can’t believe there are such idiotic people out there. (How’s that for sensitivity?)

Which leads me to my question for all my favorite readers/bloggers out there.

How do YOU filter comments on your blog? Do you let any and everything sneak through? Do you only delete profanity/spam/self-promotion? Or do you kill anything that doesn’t agree with your point of view? Do you correct the misspellings and grammatical errors?

Really.

This inquiring mind wants to know.

Just A Public Service Message From Jane. You Can Thank Me Later.

I settled in with my scrambled egg, toast and tea and flipped on the TV.

“Next up, a mom’s car speeds out of the control with a stuck accelerator.”

Not some random, ordinary woman. A mom. My heart started to pound. My stomach started doing flip flops. My arms began to go weak. I reached for the remote and switched to the weather channel, thinking maybe coverage of tropical storm Issac would calm me down.

You know the recurring nightmares most people have? You’re in a classroom, final exams are about to start and you haven’t studied. Free falling off a cliff or out of an airplane. In an important meeting and you’re standing there naked.

I don’t have those dreams.

I dream about my car careening out of control, the brakes not working or my absolute worst nightmare ever, my boys and I plunge into a sinkhole, full of water and as we’re sinking I know I can’t save us and my boys are looking to me for help.

That last dream is hard for me to even write down without my heart racing out of control. I need to take a break.

Okay.

I’m back.

Watching satellite images and waves and pictures of sandbags, I couldn’t shake the image of that woman’s car speeding onto the shoulder and then back onto the highway again because she couldn’t stop. I thought, why does this freak me out so much? Is it lack of control? Fear of the unknown?

So. I educated myself.

If your accelerator gets stuck:

1. Put your foot firmly on the brake with steady, strong pressure. (DO NOT pump the brakes.)
2. Shift the car into neutral.
3. The car will slow down and come to a stop.
4. Turn the car off.

Watching this video helped calm me down. I don’t know why. Maybe because the automotive engineer demonstrating is so cool and in control.

For me, knowledge is power. I’m calmer now. And after his recommendations, I  think a Volkswagon in going to be my next car.

The Story Of My Life

Jane Tells All. Or How Stealing Ideas From Other Blogs Makes For Excellent Material.

I’m totally stealing a blog post from a friend. It’s okay, since I’m being so upfront about it. Well, that and the fact that he encouraged people to steal it – but admitting this sort of takes all the danger out of it.

Yeah. I’m a bad-ass.

This is actually associated with an award. LLCoolJoe won the award first and passed it along to anyone who wanted it. Yep. He’s all generous like that. I’m sorry. I can’t even remember the name of the award. Mostly, because I’ve become ambivalent to awards that are handed out like gumdrops. I don’t even like gumdrops. And I hate to hurt anyone’s feelings that might not receive the award.

But, I enjoy learning about other bloggers.

So, I hope you enjoy learning a little bit about me.

1. Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? 

When you look up “doormat” in the dictionary you will find a picture of moi. Seriously. Go ahead. Look it up. We’ll wait. No? Well, okay. I exaggerate. But, I do have a condition called Argument Amnesia. My husband and I will argue about something and an hour later I’m all hugs and kisses and completely forgotten why he’s being so cool towards me. It drives him crazy. It’s my coping mechanism. It’s not always healthy but it keeps me in my glass-half-full state of mind and I like it that way.

 

2. If your blog had a theme song, what would it be? Why?

This question was so tough for me I actually answered it last after much contemplation. I can’t think of just one.  So, I’ll just share with you the top three played songs on my ipod.

1. Say Hey (I Love You) by Michael Franti & Spearhead

2. Be OK by Ingrid Michaelson

3. Psycho by Puddle of Mudd

Yep. That about sums it up.

 

3. What is the most daring thing you’ve done recently?

Eat a Dorito that fell on the floor after the 3 second rule. Don’t worry. I blew off all the germs.

 

4. Do you like your life right now?

Yes. I do. I’m finding the older I get the more content I become. I still have regret. I still want to accomplish more than is humanly possible. But I am very content with my life. Right. Now. Because now is all that matters.

 

5. What was the last lie you told?

I acted as if I was already in the parking lot of my destination even though I was still a few blocks away. Why I did this? I have no idea. I was speaking to my husband on the phone and I wasn’t even meeting him. I was meeting a friend. I just didn’t want him to know I was running late. (He has this hang-up about punctuality. Geez.) And, by the way. My friend was running a couple minutes late, too. God, I love her!

 

6. Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror?

Yes. My adorable daughter made me a necklace of a single crystal. I loved it and put it on the rear view  mirror with the intent of slipping it on the next day on our way to school. But it got twisted and stuck. And I didn’t want to cut the string so it is still there, to this day. Twelve years later. (Yes. I’m still driving my Volvo station wagon. Best. Car. Ever.) My mother-in-law asks me if it’s “Wiccan.” (She doesn’t approve of the fact that we’re not twice a week church goers.) And I tell her, no. But she’s asked so many times, I now say yes and offer to teach her a few spells when we get home. That usually shuts her up.

 

7. Do you consider yourself successful?

Yes. Very. But not in the things most people do. I gave up my singing and acting aspirations. I still haven’t written the great American novel. My high school class is chock full of over-achievers. 90% of us have graduated from college and over 50% have advanced degrees. I “only” have some post-graduate work. But that’s okay. Because I am an awesome mom. I made a conscious decision to be the best mom I could be, thus joining the ranks of the “Best Moms Ever.”And I am. Just ask my kids.

 

8. What was the first music album that you bought?

Deep Purple – Machine Head. Yep. I’m a head-banger.

 

9. Do you feel you express your “true self” on your blog?

I try. I try with every word. That is always my intent. It’s why I’ve gained a steady readership. It’s also why I’ve lost so many readers.

 

10. Would you ever give a hitch-hiker a ride somewhere? 

I want to. I do. But I watch way too much crime TV.

 

11. Have you ever acted like you understood something when you didn’t have a clue?

Every. Single. Day.

…………….

And now, it’s your turn. There are 11 questions posted below for you to answer on your blog. Trust me. If you’re experiencing writer’s block or you just you to keep the publish button warm this is an easy-peasy blog post.

Come on.

I know you want to.

1. What do you do when you cannot fall asleep?
2. Have you ever hidden a purchase for yourself from your partner? If so, what was it?
3. What was the last thing you ate?
4. Who has been the kindest to you in your life?
5. If you didn’t need the money, what would you do for work?
6. If your life had a motto, what would it be?
7. Would you sulk or would you confront?
8. If you could have any super power, what would it be?
9. What movie or television show have you seen so many times you can quote scenes line by line?
10. Who is someone from your past that you are sorry you lost track of?
11. If you had a million dollars to give away, how would you do it?

If you choose to take on the 11 Question Challenge, please link up in the comment section so we can visit your blog and learn more about you!

When Have A Great Day Doesn’t Really Mean Have A Great Day.

My mother-in-law takes issue with people here in the south. I especially notice her discomfort in the grocery store.

“Why was he talking to you? ” she says, speaking of the bagger, “Was he one of your former students?”

“Ewwww. They’re so syrupy sweet here. You know they don’t really mean it, don’t you?”

(Disclaimer: These are my mother-in-law’s stereotypes. Not mine.)

My Mother-in-law’s Theory: People in the north may be rude and keep to themselves but you can trust what comes out of their mouths. People in the south are phony and fake and have ulterior motives when they speak to you.

Of course, I disagree. I love the friendliness here. I find it real and reassuring that there are people trying to spread cheer in the world. I love the smiling hello greetings and the “thank-yews” when I leave the store. I take the friendliness at face value. Maybe because I’m right. Maybe because I’m just happier that way. But quite honestly? I don’t care. I’ll take my theory over hers any day of the week.

I’ve lived in both places, north and south. In the north for 21 years and the south for 27 years. And I’ve found phoniness in both parts of the country.

Our neighborhood has a Facebook page. And on this page, fellow residents (we have over 500) post their comments about upcoming activities, a heads-up about school fundraisers or about neighborhood amenities. My friend was fed up with some complaints about issues with the pool. So, she provided a disgruntled resident with a very fact based response, hoping to calm the resident down with what could be a highly charged issue.

It didn’t help. The resident responded with a snotty, juvenile comment and then concluded it with “Have a Great Day!”

Okay. We all know she didn’t really mean for anyone to have a great day. She was putting on her best syrupy, sweet, phony, sing-songy voice to say something she didn’t mean. She wanted to say, at best, “screw you” and at worst, “f-off.”

Throwing a “Have a nice/good/great day” at the end of a response when it’s clear you don’t mean it? So unnecessary. You aren’t fooling anyone. When you insist you really meant “Have a great day!”? No one believes you. We can see the snot through your sing-songy voice no matter if we’re from the north or the south.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Or…..

How about say nothing at all?

Now, Seriously. I Want To Know. Who Does That?

So you married a Broadway star. You’ve had a healthy Broadway career yourself. But on your resume, the one you have posted on your website pushing your accomplishments? The one that lists your role as Nellie in South Pacific at Anytown Musical Theater. As I remember it, it was Anytown High School back in the 80’s. And I know this because I was there. I played Ensign Murphy in the same production. Seriously? You list the lead you had in high school on your professional resume?

Who does that?

Can you imagine? You show up to your scheduled appointment for cataract surgery and you find out you will not be receiving anesthesia because “the hospital had decided to schedule an “experimental day” to evaluate how unsedated patients respond.” Seriously?

Who does that?

You’re cute. You’re talented. You have connections ordinary aspiring actresses will never have. And then you go and do this:

Who does that?

Your daughter give you a gift of a $25 gift card to Barnes & Noble. She knows you love to read. She’s giving what she can. And you say, “Thanks for the gift card. I guess I’ll go buy a newspaper.” Chuckle. Chuckle. Only your daughter isn’t laughing.

Who does that?

Each and every day I find things that baffle me.

I am simply baffled.

 

Teach Your Children Well

Most people who stumble upon or actually choose to peek in on my blog are moms. Almost all are parents who want to raise healthy, happy, well adjusted children. You find practical advice on head lice (it’s still my #1 seller! Go figure!) or find solace in my anecdotes. Or, in laughing at me, you sit a little straighter, knowing you can top Jane in parenting ability.

Now, I’ve never claimed to be a parenting authority.

But I know someone who is.

Madeline Levine, PhD., author of Teach Your Children Well: Parenting For Authentic Success, uses “cutting edge research and thirty years of clinical experience” to help us be the parents we want to be. The best kind of cheerleader for our children. Encouraging, supportive, and nurturing. Her book shows us that superficial success is not what shapes an authentic self.

I am familiar with Ms. Levine’s book The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating A Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids.  I found it so interesting, I decided (since I’m not eligible for the giveaway – and I’m cheap) to request her newest book from our library. There’s a waiting list. Out of the 7 copies, all are checked out with a wait list. Looks like Amazon.com is going to squeeze a book out of me this month. Yep. I don’t want to wait. She’s that good.

Harper Collins has graciously offered a free book (read: GIVEAWAY!) for a reader of my blog. Simply comment below and share a proud mommy/daddy moment, a learning (aka bad mommy/daddy) moment, or simply respond with “I want a free book!” Any comment will do. I’m not picky.

Comment before 12:00pm, EST on Monday, August 13th 2012 and a random winner – from the U.S. or Canada – will be chosen. (Yes. Your fate lies in the sticky fingers of one of my sons.)

Good luck!

Thanks for reading!

And have a happy parenting day full of highs and short on lows!

Update: And the winner is……..Naptime Writing! I guess your two entries increased your odds just the right amount. That and the fact that my son rolled your lucky number on the dice. Congratulations! And thanks, too, to TKW, Robin, Velva, Rudrip and Cool Joe for playing.

Pinch Me. College Age Daughter Actually Wants To Come Home For A Visit.

“Mom, they cancelled my shift on Saturday. I don’t have to work until Wednesday,” #1daughter whined over the phone.

Boy, this is a switch, I thought. The realities of college expenses are finally sinking in.

I’m dying to ask her to come home, spend some time with us before the boys start school, but I want to be the “cool mom.” I want to be the mom who gives her daughter the space and independence she needs to become a functioning, healthy adult.

So, I bite my tongue. I ask about weekend plans, instead. I suggest biking or checking out the pilates class at the school fitness center.

Silence.

I joke, “If you were a little closer you could come home for a few free meals.” (Okay. I’m not really joking but I’ve run out of suggestions.)

“Really?!” she says excitedly.

“Of course!”

“Okay! I’ll pack a few things and call you as soon as I’m on the road!”

Click.

 

Four hours later my angel was home. Teasing her brothers and taking them out for frozen yogurt. Watching the Olympics with her mom. Late night B-movies with her dad.

Given a few free days and my daughter actually wanted to come home and spend them with us.

What a relief. Maybe I am doing something right.

NBC Isn’t Racist. In Fact, They’re The Exact Opposite.

We are pushing our beautiful, new baby girl in her stroller. She is perfect. She is gorgeous.

She is  Asian.

We, her proud parents,  are Caucasian.

And in that moment, all we saw was our perfect, amazing angel sent from heaven.

And so did the elderly gentleman, our neighbor, passing us in the park.

He stopped and oohed and aahed over our baby girl. Because he was our neighbor he was well aware of the long process we had undertaken. He offered his congratulations.

“She is absolutely gorgeous!”

We beamed.

And then, in hushed tones, he said, “Are you going to tell her she’s adopted?”

My husband couldn’t hold back a little laugh. “Uh, I think she’s going to figure that one out for herself.”

Our neighbor was embarrassed. Laughed it off. And said, “Of course.”

Later, my husband was marveling over his ridiculous question. I disagreed.

“I think it shows how color blind he is. All he saw was our beautiful baby girl. And in his generation, adoption isn’t as open as it is now.”

Flash forward 20 years.

Bob Costas, closing the evening for NBC after the Olympic coverage last night, commented on Gabby Douglas’s gold medal in gymnastics. He notes the role model she is for other young African-American girls.

And then, NBC goes to commercial.

Twitter went wild. Articles are splashed all over the internet, adding to a growing list of NBC’s blunders during the 2012 Olympics. Leading the criticism? The time delay should allow for plenty of fact checking and error checking.

I say NBC did their checks. And the completely non-racist, color-blind producers approved the commercial that followed Bob Costas’s close because, frankly, they didn’t see the color of Gabby’s skin. They saw a role model for young girls, of every color.

At least, that’s what I’d like to think.

But I have to admit.

Of all their snafus?

This one is the most entertaining.

Shannon Miller. Decorated U.S. Gymnast. And A Cancer Survivor.

Shannon Miller, former gymnast, is the most decorated gymnast in U.S. history. She is also a cancer survivor.

 

With absolutely no symptoms, her cancer was discovered during a yearly pap smear. Ovarian cancer is called the silent killer. Most symptoms do not present themselves until it is too late.

The following article was brought to my attention by David Hass of the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance. For inspiration and information, please click on the title below.

And then schedule your yearly exam, if you haven’t already.

From Olympic Gold to Ovarian Cancer: Our Interview with Former US Gymnast Shannon Miller