Hand Washing Lesson For Dummies

 

My guess?

If you need these instructions, posted over the sink?

You have probably skipped the sink area and are already skipping out the door.

Ahh, Brawny. Thank you for the hand washing lesson.

But I’m afraid you are preachin’ to the choir.

Speaking Of Happy Dance, This One Is Pure Joy!

I just had to share this pic, taken from the Maria Montessori site on Facebook.

Pure, simple, utter joy.

May you have a little in your day today.

 

 

Jane Tells All. Or How Stealing Ideas From Other Blogs Makes For Excellent Material.

I’m totally stealing a blog post from a friend. It’s okay, since I’m being so upfront about it. Well, that and the fact that he encouraged people to steal it – but admitting this sort of takes all the danger out of it.

Yeah. I’m a bad-ass.

This is actually associated with an award. LLCoolJoe won the award first and passed it along to anyone who wanted it. Yep. He’s all generous like that. I’m sorry. I can’t even remember the name of the award. Mostly, because I’ve become ambivalent to awards that are handed out like gumdrops. I don’t even like gumdrops. And I hate to hurt anyone’s feelings that might not receive the award.

But, I enjoy learning about other bloggers.

So, I hope you enjoy learning a little bit about me.

1. Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? 

When you look up “doormat” in the dictionary you will find a picture of moi. Seriously. Go ahead. Look it up. We’ll wait. No? Well, okay. I exaggerate. But, I do have a condition called Argument Amnesia. My husband and I will argue about something and an hour later I’m all hugs and kisses and completely forgotten why he’s being so cool towards me. It drives him crazy. It’s my coping mechanism. It’s not always healthy but it keeps me in my glass-half-full state of mind and I like it that way.

 

2. If your blog had a theme song, what would it be? Why?

This question was so tough for me I actually answered it last after much contemplation. I can’t think of just one.  So, I’ll just share with you the top three played songs on my ipod.

1. Say Hey (I Love You) by Michael Franti & Spearhead

2. Be OK by Ingrid Michaelson

3. Psycho by Puddle of Mudd

Yep. That about sums it up.

 

3. What is the most daring thing you’ve done recently?

Eat a Dorito that fell on the floor after the 3 second rule. Don’t worry. I blew off all the germs.

 

4. Do you like your life right now?

Yes. I do. I’m finding the older I get the more content I become. I still have regret. I still want to accomplish more than is humanly possible. But I am very content with my life. Right. Now. Because now is all that matters.

 

5. What was the last lie you told?

I acted as if I was already in the parking lot of my destination even though I was still a few blocks away. Why I did this? I have no idea. I was speaking to my husband on the phone and I wasn’t even meeting him. I was meeting a friend. I just didn’t want him to know I was running late. (He has this hang-up about punctuality. Geez.) And, by the way. My friend was running a couple minutes late, too. God, I love her!

 

6. Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror?

Yes. My adorable daughter made me a necklace of a single crystal. I loved it and put it on the rear view  mirror with the intent of slipping it on the next day on our way to school. But it got twisted and stuck. And I didn’t want to cut the string so it is still there, to this day. Twelve years later. (Yes. I’m still driving my Volvo station wagon. Best. Car. Ever.) My mother-in-law asks me if it’s “Wiccan.” (She doesn’t approve of the fact that we’re not twice a week church goers.) And I tell her, no. But she’s asked so many times, I now say yes and offer to teach her a few spells when we get home. That usually shuts her up.

 

7. Do you consider yourself successful?

Yes. Very. But not in the things most people do. I gave up my singing and acting aspirations. I still haven’t written the great American novel. My high school class is chock full of over-achievers. 90% of us have graduated from college and over 50% have advanced degrees. I “only” have some post-graduate work. But that’s okay. Because I am an awesome mom. I made a conscious decision to be the best mom I could be, thus joining the ranks of the “Best Moms Ever.”And I am. Just ask my kids.

 

8. What was the first music album that you bought?

Deep Purple – Machine Head. Yep. I’m a head-banger.

 

9. Do you feel you express your “true self” on your blog?

I try. I try with every word. That is always my intent. It’s why I’ve gained a steady readership. It’s also why I’ve lost so many readers.

 

10. Would you ever give a hitch-hiker a ride somewhere? 

I want to. I do. But I watch way too much crime TV.

 

11. Have you ever acted like you understood something when you didn’t have a clue?

Every. Single. Day.

…………….

And now, it’s your turn. There are 11 questions posted below for you to answer on your blog. Trust me. If you’re experiencing writer’s block or you just you to keep the publish button warm this is an easy-peasy blog post.

Come on.

I know you want to.

1. What do you do when you cannot fall asleep?
2. Have you ever hidden a purchase for yourself from your partner? If so, what was it?
3. What was the last thing you ate?
4. Who has been the kindest to you in your life?
5. If you didn’t need the money, what would you do for work?
6. If your life had a motto, what would it be?
7. Would you sulk or would you confront?
8. If you could have any super power, what would it be?
9. What movie or television show have you seen so many times you can quote scenes line by line?
10. Who is someone from your past that you are sorry you lost track of?
11. If you had a million dollars to give away, how would you do it?

If you choose to take on the 11 Question Challenge, please link up in the comment section so we can visit your blog and learn more about you!

Now, Seriously. I Want To Know. Who Does That?

So you married a Broadway star. You’ve had a healthy Broadway career yourself. But on your resume, the one you have posted on your website pushing your accomplishments? The one that lists your role as Nellie in South Pacific at Anytown Musical Theater. As I remember it, it was Anytown High School back in the 80’s. And I know this because I was there. I played Ensign Murphy in the same production. Seriously? You list the lead you had in high school on your professional resume?

Who does that?

Can you imagine? You show up to your scheduled appointment for cataract surgery and you find out you will not be receiving anesthesia because “the hospital had decided to schedule an “experimental day” to evaluate how unsedated patients respond.” Seriously?

Who does that?

You’re cute. You’re talented. You have connections ordinary aspiring actresses will never have. And then you go and do this:

Who does that?

Your daughter give you a gift of a $25 gift card to Barnes & Noble. She knows you love to read. She’s giving what she can. And you say, “Thanks for the gift card. I guess I’ll go buy a newspaper.” Chuckle. Chuckle. Only your daughter isn’t laughing.

Who does that?

Each and every day I find things that baffle me.

I am simply baffled.

 

10 Things You Need To Know About Jane

10. You may not have a need to know these things but these are 10 things about me that I feel are share-worthy.

9.   I’m good at wasting list-space by rambling about things that probably don’t need an explanation.

8.   Currently, I am sporting an adorable chipped tooth look. The front one. Yep. Adorable. (I wonder if there are any Beverly Hillbilly sequel auditions nearby?)

7.   I have that annoying habit of providing way too much information when you ask me a simple question. You know the type. Giving much more background info than is necessary. I even annoy myself.

6.   My parents gave me the delightful nicknames of “Chatterbox” and “Dumbo” while I was growing up. Yes, I talk too much and yes, my ears stuck out. (I wouldn’t know because now I hide them behind my hair.) Isn’t that sweet? (No wonder I have such self-esteem issues.)

5.   I am a Mama-Bear to the nth degree. At least, that’s what my husband says.

4.   I used to have champagne tastes on a beer budget. Now, I have champagne tastes on a decent bottle of wine budget. Do you think that when I catch up to the champagne budget my tastes will morph into a glass of  1997 Domaine de la Romanée-Conti? It goes for about $1500 a bottle. A bottle! I don’t know about you, but I’d be sick to my stomach after drinking a house payment.

3.   Who am I kidding? I’d be sick to my stomach after drinking an entire bottle of wine. Of any variety. I am a lightweight. One and a half glasses is my limit.

2. But give me a 32oz. tub of coke and I’ll polish it off like nobody’s business. Maybe I do need Mayor Bloomberg looking over my shoulder.

1. If you ask me, point blank, if you’ve offended me? No matter how non-confrontational I am, I will tell you the truth. I will. That’s just how I am. And how much I value my friendships. And there’s not much that truly offends me since I love a great debate and seeing things differently and having my values agitated a little. So, lighten up. Relax. I won’t bite.

Completely Random. Because That’s All I Have Time For.

• Seriously? Is anyone truly surprised that Tom and Katie are divorcing? And that Scientology is playing a part in Katie’s decision to fight for sole custody? This is news?
• Sitting on the porch, supervising our son’s lemonade stand. Husband and #2son get into a disagreement about how to handle the customers. #2son is being argumentative. (Surprise, surprise.) Husband turns to me and says, “Oh. My. God. I’ve given birth to my father.”
• I think to myself, “Uh, no. I gave birth to that 10lb representation of your father. And spittin’ image of you.” Because, as we all know – Like father, like son. Ab-so-f-in-lutely. 
• Other than the similar hair color and same hair style, I don’t see this “amazing” transformation of Naomi Watts into Lady Diana. I just don’t see it.

• Issac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every category of the Dewey Decimal system. (Raise your hand if you know what the Dewey Decimal System is?) 
• I ask this because my elementary school age sons aren’t familiar with this yet. (Huh?) And my college age daughter hesitated in her response. (But got the answer right in the end.) When I asked her how she found books in the library at school she said, “They get the books for you.” Yep. She goes to the computer, finds the book she wants, clicks a button and behold! An automated robotic arm retrieves the book from the stacks and a human person (I hesitate to call this person a librarian) hands her the book after she shows her ID.
• Sigh. No more browsing through the stacks like the old days.
• I miss the old days.
• Speaking of old days, I turn half a century next year. How in the heck did that happen?
• Even my favorite Disney site published a full copy of the Declaration of Independence in honor of July 4th. A perfect reminder of why we have parades and potato salad and “pop-crackers” (as my #1son called them many years ago.)
• “…We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. –That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness….” 
• Beautiful words, indeed.
• Twenty-two days until the Olympics!
• Wishing for warm, lazy days in the beautiful month of July. Days without forest fires, tornadoes, killer heat waves and bored, whiny children. For all my favorite peeps out there.
• OK. Wishing for days without bored, whiny children is pushing it.
• But one can hope.

Said No One Ever

Those ecards are a hoot! And I enjoy the “said no one ever” cards that have been popping up so much lately.

I have a few catch phrases of my own to add to the mix.

• Reading blogs that swear and complain and shock me with their kitchy, inappropriate comments make me feel all warm and fuzzy and energized to meet the day, said no one ever.
• I can’t believe the Kardashians are in the news again, said no one ever.
• Summer vacation is a great time to organize the photo drawer and clean closets, said no one ever.
• Those uber-moms who volunteer for every school event, plan perfect parties, create amazing, educational activities for their kids during summer vacation and always have a smile plastered on their faces are such an inspiration, said no one ever.
• Your hourly Facebook updates are so entertaining, said no one ever.
• I watch The Real Housewives of (fill in the blank) because I can relate, said no one ever.
• Raw fruits and veggies are such a satisfying snack, said no one ever.
• Those little kids are going to thank their parents someday for posting humiliating videos of them on Youtube, said no one ever.
• Angelina Jolie truly is a saint, said no one ever.
• I can’t wait until menopause, said no (woman) ever.
• There just aren’t enough diet books out there, said no one ever.
• I’m getting way too much sleep, said no (mom) ever.
• The number of comments or hits on my blog mean absolutely nothing to me, said no one ever.
• Beauty  magazines make me feel gorgeous, said no one ever.
• Oh, goody! It’s another political phone call with the recording slamming Obama/Romney. I’m so glad I made it to the phone on time, said no one ever.
• Life IS fair, said no one ever.

(Do you have one you’d like to share?)

 

Common Passwords Even A 5-Year-Old Can Figure Out

My son was playing with an old relic from my husband’s childhood. The Playskool castle. He said, “All the people are in the dungeon. And guess what? The girl in the dungeon? She figured out the code to get out. You see, the knight (he’s holding the knight in his hand showing him to me) he made up the code. And the girl figured it out. It was 1-2-3. What a dumb code! Who couldn’t figure that out?!”

Even my 5-year-old son knows that’s a stupid code.

But apparently, many of us use some of the worst passwords for our computer, our atm card, iphones. Here are the top 21 worst passwords according to TVNZ:

1) 123456
2) password
3) 12345678
4) 1234
5) pussy
6) 12345
7) dragon
8) qwerty
9) 696969
10) mustang
11) letmein
12) baseball
13) master
14) michael
15) football
16) shadow
17) monkey
18) abc123
19) pass
20) f***me
21) 6969

I was going to stop at the top 10. But then I saw #11, letmein. Letmein? I actually snorted a little on that one.

So I was going to stop at the top 11 but then I saw number 20. Number 20 reminded me a little of some of my bloggy friends out there (you know who you are!) and I started to wonder…with how often I see that phrase on your blogs I wondered if any of you use it as a password?

But I couldn’t stop at 20 once I saw #21 (totally missing #9 for some reason). 6969. Ahhhh, it takes me back to my teaching days. I taught both high school math and english (I know. I’m one of those strange anomalies – neither right-brained nor left-brained. What can I say?). Especially in math class. If I said, “Turn to page 69.” Snickers. Or, “Do problems 1 – 69 odd.” Giggles. And then there was always, “George, what is the answer to 18?” Well. If the answer was 69? He could barely get a word out, turning red, holding back a laugh, the rest of the class cracking up with one person completely oblivious saying, “What’s so funny? Why is 71 funny?”

So? Did you see YOUR password up there?

(Sorry for the re-run. My sister is in town (for 10 days!) and she doesn’t even know I blog. And I’m not telling her now. So, I’m going to be a bit scarce. I’ll try to sneak online but in the meantime, here are a few of my favorite posts. Enjoy your week!)

The Trifecta Of Nasty Habits And Why I’d Never Date You. Ever.

I was a little ticked at my husband today. Yet again, he (fill in the blank.) And so I had to (fill in the blank again.) And with the way the day started out I sure as heck didn’t want to (you’d better sharpen your pencil.)

It really made me angry.

So, I was still fuming a little this morning, after I dropped the kids to school. The light turned yellow and then red. We were stuck at a pretty long traffic light. I say “we” because the car ahead of me had a really cute guy in the driver’s seat.

Sandy blond hair. White shirt, tie. Driving a clean, black luxury vehicle. Ooooo, he just looked at me again in his side mirror.

He smiled at me. I smiled at him.

Ahhhh, I remember my single days. Carefree. Free to look. Free to dream. Free to — whaaaaa?

Was that a stream of spit I saw spewing out the window? Ick. Ewwwww, and another? Are you kidding me?

No longer checking me out, he then tosses his still burning cigarette butt onto the street. Does he not know that cigarettes take 25 years to decompose? What a litter bug! What a slob! I feel sorry for whoever lives with….

Is he doing what I think he’s doing?

He IS!

He’s picking his nose! Gross. He’s rolling it around between his fingers and he just flicked THAT out the window!

That did it. He just committed, in a minute and twenty-second time period, the Trifecta-Of-Nasty-Habits-And-Why-I’d-Never-Date-You.

Thank God I’m already married.

I am so lucky, Honey! You are the best husband EVER! 

(Sorry for the re-run. My sister is in town (for 10 days!) and she doesn’t even know I blog. And I’m not telling her now. So, I’m going to be a bit scarce. I’ll try to sneak online but in the meantime, here are a few of my favorite posts. Enjoy your week!)

Disney World! Take Me Away!