Category Archives: Holiday

Best Halloween Costume. Ever.

Okay, all you crafty dog owners out there. Get crackin’.

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Filed under funny, Holiday

Ahhhhhh! (Yes, You Heard Right.) Ahhhhhh!

See you next week!

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Filed under Holiday

Yes. There Is Even A Special Day For The Delusional. Happy Festival of Popular Delusions Day!

We all carry our favorite delusions around in our back pocket:

  • The 5-second rule for dropped food.
  • Barack Obama is not a natural born citizen of the United States. (For all you conservatives out there.)
  • Sarah Palin believes she can see Russia from her house. (For all you liberals out there.)
  • Global warming. (I just threw that in to irk my husband.)
  • Summer is a great time to get things done while the kids are out of school.
  • Irregardless is not a word. (So sad. It is so widely used it has become “nonstandard” English and now appears in virtually any dictionary. Look it up.) 
  • It takes 7 years for  gum to pass through your digestive system.
  • Eating turkey makes you sleepy. (Actually, ground beef and chicken contain the same amounts of tryptophan as turkey.)
  • Santa Claus. (For all of you. Because I still believe.)
  • That your boyfriend is completely faithful.
  • Saint Patrick was Irish. (He was English.)
  • Walt Disney is being preserved in a cryonic chamber.
  • Friday the 13th is an unlucky day. (When you’re a glass-half-full gal like me? It’s just another day.)

There are things we want to believe because it makes us happy. There are things we believe because it provides order and an explanation, no matter how irrational the belief may be. There are things we want to believe because it gives us hope. There are things we believe, not because we want to, but because we’re too lazy to look it up.

There are things we choose to believe because it’s the world we have created for ourselves and we like it that way.

Put me in that category.

I like my rose colored glasses.

I choose to believe that there can be a world without the need for war or weaponry. I believe in Disney magic and Santa Claus. I believe that the Mayan calendar would start all over again if the Mayans were here to produce a new one. I believe in the 5 second rule. (Depending on the surface on which it falls, of course.)

I choose to believe the unseen truths that comprise my faith. I believe that someday my mortgage will no longer be upside down. I choose to believe that I will not turn into my mother.  I believe that if I break a cookie in half the calories will fall out.  I believe in fairy tales and miracles. I believe that people are born good and fate has a nasty way of twisting those who succumb to evil. I believe in goodness and light and kindness and joy.

So.

Call me delusional.

I don’t care.

I’m much happier this way.

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Filed under Be-Causes, Holiday

And A Zen Mother’s Day To You!

image from the New York Daily News

May you find some zen, some quiet, some relaxation this Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day to all my favorite moms out there!

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Filed under Holiday

Happy Leap Day, Fellow Leapers! And A Special Shout Out To My Little Guy. Happy 2nd Birthday, Sweetie!

“In 45 minutes, he’s going to be a Leap Day baby!”

I smiled at my mid-wife and said, “Yeah. That would be so co………..ARRRRRRRR!”

I was trying to say “That would be so cool!” but I had another contraction instead.

I had been pushing for almost 2 hours. In labor for 17. I was tired but still excited. And ready. Oh-so-ready to meet my little guy.

In what seemed like a minute I heard, “This is it. One final push.”

And he was here. Perfect and sweet and not crying. Aren’t they supposed to cry?

People started rushing into the room almost the second he arrived. Equipment wheeled in. People. So many people.

“There was no indication….” I heard my mid-wife say, her voice trailing off. The doctor seemed to scowl. He said something I didn’t understand and the room was turning white and starting to spin. My husband grabbed the nurse, alarmed and said something to me. I managed to squeak out, “Stay with him!” as they lowered an oxygen mask over my face.

The pregnancy was a surprise. And because of my age and infertile history, I was high risk. But quite honestly, except for the near constant morning sickness (that didn’t leave until month eight) I had a breezy, easy pregnancy. My blood pressure was always awesome. My blood sugar never spiked. He grew just the way he was supposed to. OK. So, he was almost 2 weeks late. And almost 10 pounds. He was just a healthy, growing boy who loved his momma. Still is.

Almost 2 hours later my husband came back into the room. Without him.

“He’s supposed to be with us,” I said. “We signed up for the rooming-in suite.”

“There were some problems,” my husband said, “But he’s fine now. They need to observe him for a little longer and then they’ll bring him to us.” He tried to hug me but I pushed him away.

“No,” I said. “He’s supposed to be with us. Where is he?”

“They’re taking good care of him. He’ll be fine. We’ll see him soon.”

I was tired. Confused. Exhausted. This was not what I had planned. My husband was going to cut the cord. (No time. The nurse did it.) They were going to lay him on me. We were going to take pictures. I was going to nurse, right then and there. (But they had to whisk him away.)

There was meconium in the amniotic fluid that didn’t present until the very end. I was busy pushing, breathing and focusing on my husband. My husband was watching the worried look of the nurse who left my mid-wife’s side to call in support. Our baby was blueish when he arrived. And not crying. Barely breathing. Everyone looked worried but in charge. My husband was terrified and when he saw me almost losing consciousness, petrified.

I had no idea anything was serious. I just remember not hearing him cry and then wanting everyone to just leave me alone and let me sleep. I fought with the nurse, tried to push her away in my half conscious state.

It was scary. It did not go as planned. And 6 hours later they brought my precious little bundle to me.

Born on Leap Day at 12:06am. 9 lbs. 12 oz.

The pediatrician on duty brought him to me. “Congratulations,” he smiled, “You’ve just given birth to a happy, healthy 2 month old.”

He was big. And he was healthy. A clean bill of health. After cleaning his precious little lungs and his precious little body. After x-rays, blood tests and observation. He was fine. He was ours.

Our precious little Leap Day baby.

Happy, happy 2nd Birthday, sweet boy! (Yes. I know you’re really 8. But you know how Mommy loves to tease!)

 

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Filed under children, Holiday

Valentine’s Day. The Aftermath.

My thoughts.

In bullets.

Because someone should just shoot me now.

  • Between Halloween and Valentine’s Day our teeth are bathed in chocolate. And cookies. And other tasty candies. Note to self: schedule all dental appointments in April (plenty of time to floss out the goo) and sometime in October, before the 31st. For obvious reasons.
  • Never believe your 8-year-old son when he says, “I don’t need a Valentine box. My teacher said we didn’t need one.” Because you’ll be scrambling on Valentine’s morning, 30 seconds before you need to get him out the door (when 8-year-old son decides he actually needs a Valentine box), scrounging the house for something, anything that can serve as a proper Valentines receptacle. This year #1son took a Target bag to school. (Hey. At least is was red and white.)
  • Who are all you mothers out there taping candy to your kids’ Valentines? Or buying bags of candy to place in fancy, decorated shoe-boxes (Over-achievers? I hate you.) or aforementioned Target bags? My kids insisted that they send Valentines that had candy attached to them. I said, No. There would be enough candy at the school party. They pouted. I told them, moms across America were saying the exact same thing to their kids this evening. No one will be putting even more candy into your Valentines boxes (or Target bags). Thanks, Moms. For hanging me out to dry.
  • And to my husband who completely ignored Valentine’s Day last year. Who raced out last minute to purchase wilted grocery store flowers and picked over cards in previous years. Yes. You. This is the year I decided to just get you a card. Then you blow me away with the most amazing Valentine’s Day gift you’ve ever given me. So, I was the one scrambling away at the last minute. Thanks for my heart attack. And the gift. (Romantic dinner at the restaurant where we had our first date, a night at the opera (Don Giovanni) and luxury hotel for the evening. He even took care of overnight babysitting for the kids.) Amazing. But then, so are you. xoxo

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Filed under Holiday

2011. The Year Of The Crap Storm.

I know I’ve had worse years. The year of my divorce. The year beloved grandparents or family members or friends or former students died.  The year we noticed that yes, the recession had finally hit my husband’s business, our business – our only source of income business.

But 2011 wasn’t all that great, either. My annoying/embarrassing/can’t even talk about them health issues – times two. More finance crap. Having to pull your boys out of their/my favorite school because you just can’t afford it any more. Parents, with whom you already have a crappy relationship, ignore your birthday. Renters who run out on the lease they signed on the house you still have left from the housing bubble that burst just as you were purchasing your new, now overpriced, home — all this just before the holidays hit. Spending ignored birthday cleaning the rental house that former renters trashed beyond recognition. Our beautiful 1950’s bungalow BEYOND recognition. We’re talking about vomit paint colors and crayon drawings all over every wall, solid wooden doors that some teenager used as target practice with knives, covered in pock marks – and yes, that is door(s), as in plural. Missing light fixtures, stolen appliances, broken window panes and every screen ripped to shreds. Carpets that haven’t been vacuumed in…well, EVER. Hardwood floors with unrecognizable stains or burn marks. (How do people live like this?) I could go on but I’m getting too depressed remembering.

A crap storm of events.

And I’m still hopeful.

Still.

Because in between the crap there were some beautiful moments, too.

Daughter going off to college and coming back with 4 A’s and 1 B. Two little boys who adjusted to their new school with amazing attitudes,  knowing full well why they had to switch and never complaining about it despite missing their old school so very, very much. An old friend who contacted me out of the blue on my birthday, to remind me how much she missed me and our friendship that had fizzled. Making a significant dent in our debt crisis. And finding a new renter, with a solid income, who loves older homes as much as we do.

Silver linings in a crap storm.

That’s what I need to focus on.

Silver linings.

Wishing you all a happy, healthy New Year full of silver linings for any crap that comes your way!

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Filed under Deep Thoughts, Holiday

…And To All A Good Night!

This Christmas season, my favorite time of the year, has flown by. I feel like one of those images you see of someone standing in the middle of the road and cars/lights are flashing by at breakneck speed.

I still have Christmas cards to send out. (Yes, it is Christmas Eve.)

I still have presents to wrap. (Yes, it is 10:50pm on Christmas Eve.)

There is still a breakfast casserole to put together that must sit overnight in the refrigerator. (See above parenthetical phrase.)

For this OCD, overachieving perfectionist? I’m overwhelmed to say the least.

But….

I still believe in the magic.

I still experienced so much love and joy this holiday season.

I still was able to stop and smell the evergreen many times over.

Wishing you and yours a magical holiday and a happy, healthy and peaceful New Year.

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Elf On The Shelf, Or Lamp Shade, Or Wherever Else You Put Your Stupid Elf

(This post is inspired by a post found on People I Want To Punch In The Throat. And while the title of the blog suggests violence that I don’t condone, the writing there is clever and funny. I have only recently discovered this blog but plan on returning for further research. Feel free to visit and come to your own conclusions.)

I have a friend. A dear friend who has an Elf On The Shelf. And an addiction to Facebook. During this time of year, I find that combination to be deadly.

To my ego.

Every other day she has a post of the clever places they find their Elf every morning. Along with clever little tag lines.

Example #1 – Hiding in a lamp, with just his little hat peeking out. “Should we tell him his hat is giving him away? Or just leave him in the dark?”

Example #2 – In a large empty jar with lid tightly closed. “Oops. Looks like Elf has found himself in a pickle.”

Example #3 – Hiding deep inside the Christmas tree. “Can’t see the Elf for the tree.”

I could go on. But I won’t. It depresses me too much.

Quite honestly, I had never heard of Elf On The Shelf until we moved to this subdivision. My rudimentary research discovers that his concept is old. But his commercial phenomenon is recent. Apparently, the Elf is a spy for Santa Claus. He sneaks away every night once the family is tucked in for the night, files his report with Santa and then returns by daylight, always in a new spot and typically up to some mischief of his own.

Oh. Yeah. Like I need one more Christmas chore to add to my list.

So, like any sane mother, I reject this holiday hobgoblin. My days are chock full of cookie baking, present wrapping, mantel dressing and shopping, cooking and a little more shopping. Who has time for 25 days of elfin mischief to create?

A lot of moms, apparently.

So many, that now, my children have been exposed to the little guy. And they want to know how Santa knows if they’re naughty or nice.

Santa peeks in on you himself. You boys are two of his favorites.

Cue eye rolls and exasperated sighs.

“Mom. Really? Because Nick’s Elf left him candy canes. Santa doesn’t leave us candy canes after he checks up on us.”

He saves that for Christmas Day. He knows about your last dentist appointment.

“If the leprechauns can visit us how come we don’t have an elf visit?”

I repeat the “Santa’s favorite” response. To no avail.

“Well, Sydney’s Elf bakes her cupcakes and cleans up her room.”

Hey! I bake you cupcakes and clean up your room.

“It’s not the same, Mom!”

Nope.

It’s not.

Stupid Elf.

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Filed under children, Holiday, Moms

A Little T-Day !!!

The washing machine hasn’t stopped running since Sunday night.

Shoes are piled in a mountain by the front door.

The refrigerator is opened and closed 4, 738 times a day.

The DVR is jam-packed with favorite Disney movies to share with her brothers and every interview involving the new Twilight movie.

A half finished Monopoly game has taken over the breakfast nook with the promise of finishing the Monopoly marathon “soon.” (But that isn’t going to happen as long as they keep trading Boardwalk for “all of your yellow properties” and being “nice” and only charging whatever you can afford – I’m raising a bunch of Democrats! – when you land on someone’s hotel.)

One minute they’re yelling and shouting at each other and the next they’re all snuggled on the couch watching Tangled.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Mess and all.

Because #1daughter is home from college and all of my babies are home under one roof.

Happy Thanksgiving, ya’ll!

I hope you have plenty of !!! in your Thanksgiving, too!

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Filed under family, Holiday