Theycallmejane. It’s Mine. Now Back Off!

OK. So I’m too cheap (and lazy) to purchase my domain name. Go ahead. Start rattling off the comments telling me how wrong I am. I’m listening. Sort of.  (Because remember, I’m cheap and lazy.)

But while researching another post idea (Yes, I research. Don’t act all surprised.) I stumbled across something weird in my stats. Upon further investigation, I discovered that someone else (whose name is also NOT Jane) is calling her blog…..

…wait for it…..

…wait for it…..

Theycallmejane.

Yep.

Written just like that. All one word.

On another free blog site. But still.

I’m trying to remind myself that imitation is a form of flattery. Or trying to give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she’s never been here.

But when you started your blog, didn’t you Google the name you wanted, just to make sure no one else had it? I know I did. And just to make sure I’m not buried 17 pages deep when you Google me, I Googled me. There I am. Front and center. Very first thing that pops up.

Is she that lazy?

Now, I know the name of my blog isn’t all that creative. And, in a way, I stole it, too. From the lyrics of a Ting-Tings song.

“They call me Stacy. They call me Jane. That’s not my name. That’s not my name.”

I thought it was funny. You know. Because Jane isn’t my name.

But I like Jane. Jane represents a common voice. A connection to all the other women I was hoping to meet. Jane could be anyone’s thoughts, opinions, feelings. I was just the one who said them. For all of us Janes out there.

I still like Jane. Make that, I love Jane. And I love what she has evolved into. A blog about nothing and everything. And I don’t want to give her up or change her in any way.

And besides. I was here first. Back in August of 2009. Closing in on my third year in Blog World. And this impostor has had her blog, what? All of two months?

Crap.

I’m going to have to bite the bullet and purchase the domain name, aren’t I?

If it isn’t too late.

Oh! The Pressure To Write So That I Can Become Famous!

On WordPress, I read about David McRaney, a WordPress blogger who garnered a book deal based on his blog.

I thought, Yay! Good for him!

Then, I read on msn.com about a writer over at cracked.com who wrote a piece about Hollywood’s inaccuracies about the work place. The piece garnered much attention, enough to be mentioned again on msn.com.

I enjoyed both articles. But it got me thinking…..

Oooooo. What if something I wrote got noticed by someone big?  How cool would that be? Oh, the hits my blog would get. I wonder how many new people would find me? How many would click that handy-dandy little subscribe button so that they could read what I’ve written every single time I post?

Every.

Single.

Post.

Oh God. They would click back here and expect another stellar piece. What would I do then?

I enjoy this writing outlet. I love sharing my inconsequential thoughts on the controversial and the mundane. But the majority of my posts are pretty boring and only interesting to a select few (other nuts) out there. And I have typos. And grammatical errors a plenty. Shoot. I’m willing to bet my former English teachers roll in their graves every time I click publish.

But I’m famous now. And I have a public to appease. So I’ll agonize and write and delete and write some more. I’ll spend hours searching the internet for new post ideas and the perfect picture to illustrate my point. The laundry would pile up. We’d eat Chef Boyardee or take-out Chinese every night. My kids would start going to school with mismatched socks and lollipops stuck in their hair. The dog would never get a walk. Dust bunnies the size of tumble weeds would turn our breakfast bar into a wild, wild west saloon.

Nope.

I can’t do it.

You’re stuck with the mostly average and the occasional stellar blog post.

So, go away you fancy, schmacy editors, you.

I just can’t handle the pressure.

Jane Declares This Week Commenter Appreciation Week!

More specifically?

My regular commenters.

My dear, sweet, intelligent, kind, feisty, patient, thoughtful, supportive, commenters. If you’ve commented here once, twice or many times more.

If you’ve been thought-provoking or just plain hilarious.

Irreverence (as long as it isn’t malicious and it makes me laugh) is welcome here. So is compassion and tact. I appreciate constructive comments – ones that make me pause, re-evaluate and encourage me to be a better person.

What I do not appreciate are anonymous (fake name, fake email address) comments that criticize and name-call. The ones – ok, just one – that hints you know me in real life. If you’re upset with what I’ve written, please call me (you know my number). Email works, too.

But this post isn’t about you.

This post is about the fantastic people who have followed me through thick and thin, pithy and verbose, enthusiastic and depressing, here and not-s0-here.

This post is an enormous, sloppy, wet thank you to my amazing peeps. You comment when I’m happy. You comment when I’m sad. You even comment when I’m not around here much.

I appreciate your candor. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I love your dependability. I love it when you make me laugh.

In a nutshell, I love you. Each and every one.

Thanks for letting me know I’m not posting to the wind.

Needing Some Comment Advice After My Advice On Comments

Are you confused? Well, now you know how I feel.

Seriously. I’m a nice kid. I try always to play nicely. I try to be fair. I try to be kind, even when I disagree with you. But there are some comments on my blog that I just don’t get and I’m not sure how to handle.

WordPress has a nifty little feature where if you haven’t commented on my blog before I get to approve of your first comment. You don’t know how many times I struggle with “approving” someone or not. First of all, as judgemental as I try not to be (Quit rolling your eyes – I said I try not to be. I didn’t say I never judge.), approving someone’s comment feels….well…..judgemental.

What to do? What to do?

For example:

a) There are the comments that obviously, obviously, so very, very, obviously come from someone who barely skimmed my post. They read the title, assumed what it was about and left  a vague, not even helpful comment. You know what they say about ass-u-me?

OR

b) There are the comments by people who obviously read what I wrote but write such a flaming, almost nasty retort I’m afraid they might hunt me down and kill me in my sleep if I don’t press “approve.”

OR

c) There are the comments that feel like spam, read like spam, walk and talk like spam. But when I visit the blog they came from? Not spam. Real live blogs, written by real live people that…well, write like spam.

So, I’m curious. How do you handle questionable comments?

(Oops. There I go again. Asking questions that (hopefully? fingers crossed?) invite lots and lots of comments.

Shameful.

That’s what I am.

And proud of it!)

How To Increase Your Comments – Jane Style

(Many of you have asked me how it is I attract so many comments. Seriously? How long have you been reading my blog? I garner about half the comments most of you do. So, before you read the below tip sheet, I have to qualify. This post is tongue-in-cheek. It truly is. I know that many of you employ some of these tips with sincerity and passion. (How do you think I came up with this tip sheet?) And I’m jealous of you. Honestly, I am. This post is merely poking fun at myself and my own lack of passion/energy/discipline at honoring the comments that do come my way. For all of you who have been slighted by me in that regard, please know I am deeply sorry and acutely aware of my inadequacies. Now, on to the post….)

How To Increase Your Comments – Jane Style

10. Write all the comments yourself. As many as you like. Until your fingers bleed.

9. Comment after everyone else’s comment. Even if all they say is, “Great post!”

8. Let the spam through. After all, the spam was nice enough to spam you in the first place.

7. Beg and plead for comments. Ask oodles and oodles of questions for your readers to respond to. Even if the questions have absolutely nothing to do with your post.

6. Pray that God and all the angels will bring more comments to your blog.

5. Scream at the lurkers and guilt them into acknowledging their presence.

4. Promise prizes for comments.

3. Become a comment whore and indiscriminately leave comments on any blog you can find. Even if all the time you can spare is to say, “Great post!”

2. Make it easy for your readers to comment. Skip log-ins, CAPTCHA codes, registration forms and the required first-born son.

And the number one way to increase your comments?

1.

Sorry. I couldn’t come up with the number one answer. Yes. I am THAT comment-challenged.

Can you help? (Hey! I just employed tip #7! See? I’m learning!)

(All “Great post!” comments will not be deleted. So if that’s all you have to say? By all means, I’ll take it!)

Love It Or Hate It? (50 Cent Fans? This Post Isn’t What You Think It Is)

Love it or Hate it?

I’ll tell you. (My answers are in parenthesis)

Then, you tell me.

Ready?

Set.

Go!

1. Snow days when school gets cancelled and there isn’t any snow on the ground and the roads are clear? (Hate it!)

2. A real Christmas tree complete with dropping needles? (Love it!)

3. Asymmetrical haircuts? (Still hate it!)

4. House guests in your home for 20 straight days in a row? (It’s love/hate for me)

5. Shopping online? (Love it!)

6. Shopping at Whole Foods? (I love it! My wallet hates it!)

7. Tuna Noodle Casserole? (I loved it as a kid. As an adult, I’ve pulled a 180. Hate it!)

8. The Apprentice Season 10? (Loved it!)

9. Amazing Race – any season? (Love it!)

10. Reality shows on MTV?  (Hate it!)

11. College bowl games on December 31 and January 1? (Love it!)

12. Spreading out the football games from December 18 – January 10th? (Hate it!)

13. The mom who chewed out her NHL coaching son for using foul language? (Love it!)

14. Eggnog? (Hate it!)

15. Truman Capote’s boxed set of The Thanksgiving Visitor and A Christmas Memory? (Love it, love it, love it and I read it every year and never tire of it!)

16. Pixie haircuts? (Love it! Just wish I could pull it off.)

17. Creating a Facebook page for your baby? (Hate it!)

18. Trying to complete this post on a dinosaur of a computer with a slow internet hook-up? (Hate it!)

19. Being completely finished with Christmas shopping a week before the big day? (Love it!)

20. Having a blog that, not only provides a creative outlet, but has introduced me to some amazing people and some amazing writing? (Love it, love it, love it!!!)

What do you love and hate?

Jane (With The Help of Fran Lebowitz) Comments On Bloggers. And It Isn’t Always Pretty.

“Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.” ~Fran Lebowitz

 

HBO is featuring a delightful and entertaining documentary on Fran Lebowitz entitled “Public Speaking,” directed by Martin Scorsese. She has much to say on many things. But the comment that I have been pondering for days is her view that writers need narcissism in order to write.

Some writers, of course, are more narcissistic than others. As are some bloggers, I’ve found.

 

“When Toni Morrison said ‘write the book you want to read,’ she didn’t mean everybody.” ~Fran Lebowitz

The problem with the Blog World is that anyone with a computer and an internet connection can blog. The wonder of Blog World is that anyone with a computer and an internet connection can blog.

 

I’m conflicted, as you can plainly see.

Just as there are better novelists out there, there are better bloggers. Better. Different. Some interesting. Some less so. There is a delightful array of blogs from which to choose. Different strokes for different folks.

But each and every blog contains a little of the same thing. Self-absorption.

“Too many people are writing books.” Why is this?  “Because you have been taught to have self-esteem.” ~Fran Lebowitz

We all have something to say. We all say it, here on our blogs. Is it worth saying? That lies, my friend, is in the eye of the beholder.

Frankly, it amazes me sometimes, at the perceived (my perception) popularity of some bloggers. I measure popularity based on the number of comments, or advertised hits on a blog. I’m sure you’ve noticed but some mediocre writing is getting lots of attention.

And then there are the blogs I follow that inspire me. Where the writing is fresh and interesting. If you measured some of their popularity by the same parameters? They land in the uncool category, for sure.

We all possess, at least an inkling, a notion that someone out there, anyone out there, wants to read what we’ve written. Some of us find more readers than others. Some of us need more readers than others (as evidenced by the many contests decorating so many blogs). The trick is finding the balance. We need to find what a healthy, rational psyche can thrive on – a blogging balance that feeds our need to put our thoughts out there and validate our thoughts at the same time.  We must avoid the trap that false validation can bring and ground ourselves. Know that you aren’t going to please or entertain or inspire all of the people all of the time. And that’s OK.

The number of followers you have does not assure you a higher seat in Bloggers Heaven.

“Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.”~Fran Lebowitz

As much as her comment gives me a chuckle, deep down, I disagree. I’m glad the internet is limitless. I’m happy to have found Blog World. I’m glad I’ve found a place of my own. I enjoy the variety of bloggers out there. The amazing writers that I admire, encourage me and inspire me to be better. A better person. A better writer. A better mother and wife. A better friend.

Call me narcissistic, but I write, hoping to inspire others in the same way.

Recipe For The No-Fail Blog Post

Preheat home to a comfortable 68 degrees.

Ingredients

1 caramel macchiato from Starbucks

1 small notebook

favorite Mickey Mouse pen

10 nimble fingers

1 keyboard and computer (preferably connected together as a unit)

1 comfy chair in a room void of distraction

Directions

1. Sit down in comfy chair and sip the foam off your caramel macchiato while the computer boots up. Once your home page is ready, scan the headlines for ideas. Jot down the plethora of ideas that begin filling your head. Flip through the pages of your notebook for all of the cryptic messages you’ve left yourself. Wonder what in the world you were thinking.

2. In your overloaded brain, combine headlines, pictures and cryptic notebook messages. Mix well. Sit back and sip coffee until a clear idea rises to the top.

3. Once a clear idea has taken shape, take nimble fingers and type clear idea until a blog post begins to form. If needed, shake head in disbelief that you finally have something to say.

4. After your draft is finished, cover and let simmer for the time it takes for a quick potty break. Uncover and review post.

5. Score post with revisions. Add humor, if necessary.

6. Use spellcheck and wish you could remember how to reinstate grammar check. Kick self for getting angry with grammar check and disabling it.

7. Debate whether to comb the internet for pictures to illustrate your No-Fail Post. Realize you have no idea what the perfect picture would be and give up.

8. Press publish.

And voila! You have the perfect recipe for the No-Fail Blog Post!

Enjoy!

Calling All Bloggers! Who Is Your Favorite Read?

On Monday I shared with you my top ten ways (OK – maybe not the top ten of all time but certainly the top ten of that particular day) to avoid writing a blog post. And Aging Mommy, of the blog of the same name, had a wonderful idea.

She asked for “a post where you ask everyone to name their favorite non-celebrity blogs (the ones who will never come and say hello to us lowly beings) is in order, I would love to find some new great reads without the hard work.”

How about it? Are you in? Please say yes!

In the comment section below please add the link of one of your favorite daily/regular reads. If you’re a regular, you pretty much know who hangs out here. Try to name someone who is not a Theycallmejane regular. And sorry folks, but everyone on my blogroll is off-limits, too.

We’re trying to stir the bloggy pot. Breathe new life into our blogging existence. Give a shout out to someone who is staying under the radar.

And already I’m breaking my rule #1. I only hang out with you people, here. Honest. I don’t visit many blogs that don’t already comment at my place. So forgive me when I give Gale at Ten Dollar Thoughts a shout out. If you haven’t visited her yet – you should. She’s thoughtful and insightful. She inspires me to be a better writer.

Thanks for playing! And I’m going to take the liberty of saying that anyone you list below thanks you, too! I know I would!

Jane Comes Out Of The Closet And Then, She Confesses

Wait.

Reverse that.

First, I’m going to confess. Then we’ll get to that other thing.

Remember that RAOK post that garnered so much attention? And then I commented on the comments and challenged myself to take it a step further?

Well. I slept on it. And in the morning my challenge sounded a bit….impossible. And improbable. 

Let me explain.

I decided, in my spontaneous and do-gooder charged wisdom, to attempt a random act of kindness every day (or at least weekly) and then post about it on a separate tab on my blog.

Sounded good at the time.

And then I thought…how random is random if I’m planning on doing it?  And what if, by 10 o’clock at night, when I’m tired and spent and ready to go to bed, I haven’t done anything especially random? What about all the other kind activities I do daily, without even thinking about it? Helping a woman with a stroller or holding doors open or reaching something high on a shelf for someone in the grocery store or the random snail mail cards I send to friends and family far away or letting that poor woman with five kids go ahead of me at Target because I’ve managed to procure a blissful hour alone to shop?

That’s my life. I do little bits of random every single day.

Or what about the bigger acts of kindness that I participate in? Volunteering at my kid’s school. Making dinner for someone who: had a recent death in the family, had a baby, extended illness, just moved to the neighborhood or is moving away. Watching out for an elderly neighbor. Or, how, whenever we bake I always split it and share with a neighbor or friend.

A dear neighbor recently said to me, “I can always count on you!” And she’s right. I may not always have my full heart into it (because I’m human and have a busy, full life) but I find it very difficult to say “no” to someone in need.

And then I started thinking about the two or three comments (out of 200) that criticized my good deed. (Isn’t it funny how we always focus on the negative no matter how inconsequential they may be?)  They felt that forking over $3.18 to “help” someone who was already prepared to fork over $3.18 for an overpriced coffee was self-indulgent and frivolous. That it only made the giver feel good about giving something that wasn’t necessary in the first place. Do I really want to invite more criticism, no matter how far and few between?

And that mildly annoyed me. Because we ‘re talking about kindness. Bringing a smile to a stranger’s face. Who cares if the person was prepared to pay for it anyway? I know, when it happened to me in the drive-thru – when some sweet woman paid for my coffee three summers ago and the cashier handed me  a “Moms Rock!” scribbled on a napkin as way of explanation from the anonymous giver, I looked in the rearview mirror at my feisty, fighting 3 and 4-year-old boys and thought, “Thank you, dear sweet woman for a little joy today!”

Which brings me to this.

Joy.

One of you out there once told me that some weeks, it’s hard to find joy. I thought, oh goodness, how sad. A whole week without joy. I find joy in every day – no matter how small. I’m not saying it’s easy. Some days I have to look. Real hard. But I find it. So, I challenged myself to document joy every day.

And I’m doing that……here. At Every Day Joy. Have been for 251 days now. I’ve kept it very, very quiet. I’ve been doing it for me. To make sure that every day I stop and recognize the bounty that is my life. I’m only sharing it here with you now to say….

Random acts of kindness should be random. I shouldn’t plan for it. I shouldn’t schedule them.

And that challenge to myself helped me to take stock of my life and realize each day is chock full to the brim. With taking care of children and a husband. With lots of dear friends and some family. I try, each day, to be thoughtful, compassionate and considerate.  I practice kindness. Both deliberately and randomly. Both have their place and purpose.

There it is. Out of the closet.

I say things I sometimes have to take back.

And.

I have a quiet, secret little blog about celebrating joy.

That’s not so secret anymore.