The Exercise Braggarts On Facebook. Tell Me Again. Why Are We ‘Friends’?

Who are these people that I’m friends with on Facebook? All of my Facebook friends are people I either went to school with, taught, is a neighbor, etc. In other words, people I have encountered in real life. No friends of a friend of a friend of a friend. Real people I’ve interacted with in real time.

In real time they seemed…..normal.

On Facebook? Aliens. Not from my world.

“So glad I got to the gym at 5am this morning. I’m leaving at 6 and there are 3 people fighting over the cardio machine. Ha!”

“Last run before the big race. An easy 5K in 23:12. Now my left calf hurts, left knee. But I feel great!”

“Just finished a great 18 mile run. The 30mph winds? Not so great.”

“It’s cardio time! What are YOU up to?”

Me? Wow. It’s so sweet of you to care.

I’m more of an introspective and private exerciser. I love my quiet yoga time. Walks with my dog. Sometimes we walk with my neighbor and her dog. And swimming, of course. My therapy. Lap after lap.  But apart from broadcasting my exercise exploits here (for the purpose of this post, of course) I don’t feel the need to shout my daily (OK, sometimes every other day) sporting accomplishments from the rooftops.

Who are these people?

And why am I friends with them again?

Facebook Status Updates I Wish I Had The Guts To Post

1. I’m just a lazy @$$, sitting on my couch eating Cheetos and watching TV while the rest of you are running marathons and getting your best time. Ever!
2. You have your health, a job, your kids aren’t doing drugs and your husband is faithful. Quit your whining!
3. What a busy weekend! There isn’t enough room to list all the parties I was invited to and you weren’t!
4. I honestly don’t care about what computer game you are playing or what your top score is.
5. If you just posted that you’re at the local pub, the newest gourmet cafe or snazzy boutique and you didn’t ask me to come along? Please. Just stop typing.
6. I’m in the grocery line. The woman in front of me is paying with coupons and exact change. I forgot laundry soap. I don’t want to get out of line. Still waiting for the lady in front of me. Boy, I’m so hungry. Oh yay! It’s my turn. Great. There’s a price check. So, I’m still waiting. Is this boring for you? Yep. Me, too.
7. You’re having a fight with your boyfriend. Fine. I get it. It happens to all of us. But if you’re not going to tell HIM how you feel, please don’t tell all of us.
8. Just a little unsolisited advise. Their is no spellchek or grammer chek on Facebook. Proof you’re posts.
9. Boundaries people! I don’t want to hear about your day 0n the toilet.
10. OMG. If you have time to post your time at the 1/2 way mark of your marathon maybe you should put the phone down and try to beat the course record. You might have more to brag about at the end of your race. Just sayin’.