Valentine’s Day. The Aftermath.

My thoughts.

In bullets.

Because someone should just shoot me now.

• Between Halloween and Valentine’s Day our teeth are bathed in chocolate. And cookies. And other tasty candies. Note to self: schedule all dental appointments in April (plenty of time to floss out the goo) and sometime in October, before the 31st. For obvious reasons.
• Never believe your 8-year-old son when he says, “I don’t need a Valentine box. My teacher said we didn’t need one.” Because you’ll be scrambling on Valentine’s morning, 30 seconds before you need to get him out the door (when 8-year-old son decides he actually needs a Valentine box), scrounging the house for something, anything that can serve as a proper Valentines receptacle. This year #1son took a Target bag to school. (Hey. At least is was red and white.)
• Who are all you mothers out there taping candy to your kids’ Valentines? Or buying bags of candy to place in fancy, decorated shoe-boxes (Over-achievers? I hate you.) or aforementioned Target bags? My kids insisted that they send Valentines that had candy attached to them. I said, No. There would be enough candy at the school party. They pouted. I told them, moms across America were saying the exact same thing to their kids this evening. No one will be putting even more candy into your Valentines boxes (or Target bags). Thanks, Moms. For hanging me out to dry.
• And to my husband who completely ignored Valentine’s Day last year. Who raced out last minute to purchase wilted grocery store flowers and picked over cards in previous years. Yes. You. This is the year I decided to just get you a card. Then you blow me away with the most amazing Valentine’s Day gift you’ve ever given me. So, I was the one scrambling away at the last minute. Thanks for my heart attack. And the gift. (Romantic dinner at the restaurant where we had our first date, a night at the opera (Don Giovanni) and luxury hotel for the evening. He even took care of overnight babysitting for the kids.) Amazing. But then, so are you. xoxo

Hey! Hallmark! Where Are All The Dysfunctional Family Cards?

This goes into the books for something I thought of first but someone else is going to have to implement.

I want Hallmark to create a Dysfunctional Families Division.

Yes. I’m putting my idea out there for Hallmark to see.

Come on, Hallmark. Run with it!

I hate searching for a Mother’s Day, Father’s Day or birthday cards for my parents. I’m a crappy daughter. Just ask them. But I’m not so crappy that I don’t send them a card for birthdays and other holidays.

I’m not asking for mean cards. I don’t want them to say “I hate you!” or “You screwed up my life!” or “Thanks for nothing!” I’m crappy but I’m not cruel. But all of this “You were always there for me” or “Thank you for being the kind of (parent) that is so easy to love!” or “I am so lucky to have you for a (parent)!” I’m just not feelin’ it.

I’m pretty organized. I have one of those handy, dandy card organizers. On the rare occasion that I find more than one card that would suffice for Mother’s Day, Father’s Day or birthday? I buy them all. Then I stick them in my handy, dandy card organizer so I’m ready for the next year. Luckily, last year was one of those banner years. I was armed and ready for this Father’s Day.

My husband? Not so much.

“Damn. Publix was closed by the time I got there. I couldn’t get a card for my dad!” He looks at me with a sheepish grin on his face that means, “So you’ll go get a card for me tomorrow….right?”

Ahhhh, no.

“Kroger is open until midnight,” I say, not even looking up from my book.

He sighs and heads back out the door.

An hour later. Yes, a full hour later, he arrives back home. With one card.

“Uhg!” He flops into the house and slams the single, one ounce card onto the counter.

“Picking out a card for my dad is like going through therapy,” he laments.

Yep.

I know exactly how he feels.

Yes. A Spring Break Staycation Can Be Chock Full Of !!!

First, there was no money for a spring break vacation. So, we cancelled our reservations.

Then, #1son, followed closely by #2son, caught a virus for the first 1/2 of spring break. (#1daughter followed soon after, of course.)

Things were not looking pretty at Chez Jane’s for spring break.

And then, the unexpected happened. Brady Bunch marathons. Cookie baking. Magic tricks. Card games. Reading aloud and finishing The Borrowers and The Hobbit within days of each other.

Games of Chutes & Ladders with Sorry game pieces because the Chutes & Ladders pieces were vacationing at the vintage Fischer Price jail and barber shop and couldn’t be disturbed.

Lunch out at Cheeseburger Bobby’s because mom had coupons. (Yay, Mom!)

Hanging with our friends and a  chance to see and be seen at the Imax theater for a showing of Born To Be Wild. Loads of fun!

No, I didn’t get a tan or any closets cleaned out. But there was lots of cuddling and plenty of laughs.

The perfect spring break staycation.

!!!

(It’s been so long since I’ve participated in this wonderful meme. I want to give a shout out to the wonderful creators: Bad Mommy Moments and Momalom! Thanks for encouraging us to celebrate the !!! in our lives!)