Some Things I Will Never Understand

1. With good and food. Why don’t they rhyme? Gud fud or gewwwd fewwwd. They should rhyme, doggone it.  

2. A cap on the oil spill. They didn’t think of that, oh say, on April 21st?

3. Why hasn’t time travel been invented yet? It’s way past 1984. Heck, we’re almost ten years past the year 2001. C’mon people! Get a move on! Get it? Move on? (I crack myself up.)

4. Why is it that re-tracing my steps jogs my memory like nothing else. I’m not kidding. I can find anything, remember anything, solve half the world’s problems if I just take the time to re-trace my steps.

5. My teenage daughter. ‘Nuff said.

6. Apparently, after extensive research, scientists have concluded that the chicken came before the egg. Who decided this was a worthy project and who funded it?

7. With caller id – do I say, “Hello Joe!” or do I say, “Hello?” as if I don’t know Joe is calling? Seriously. This keeps me up at night.

8. I just don’t get it. I invent things all the time but when I finally Google it, to make sure I’m the first, someone has always beat me to the patent? Always. As in, every single time.

9. Twitter and asymmetrical haircuts. They still puzzle me. Still.

10.  How is it no one has seen the extreme similarities between Madonna and Lady Gaga? Oh. Yeah. Because of what my 13-year-old niece said: “Who is Madonna?” (Oh. Wait. Someone has noticed it. And the mash-up video below is fantastic!)