Tag Archives: depression

Superhero Anti-Depression Gene: Free At Jane’s Blog. All Qualified Sufferers Apply Within.

I was born with a sunny disposition. Just ask my mother. She always marveled to anyone who’d listen that “Jane was such a happy baby. She never cried. Ever. We took her to the doctor when she was 6 months old because we were worried she might be retarded or something.”

Yep. That’s my mom.

But I am. Happy, that is. Most all of the time. I’ve had my share of down moments but they rarely last long. And that is such a blessing. It truly is. My extended family is riddled with mental illness so I’ve seen the consequences first hand. I don’t want any part of it.

As I mentioned Wednesday, December was a &%!#$. Really. Awful. Struggles in all areas of my life. Financial. Marriage. Friends. Family. Even kids. Things so personal I would never, ever mention them here. You’ll have to let your imagination run wild. And quite honestly, my real life friends and family have no clue either. Only my therapist knows the deepest, darkest. I’m, believe it or not, a private person. (That sounds so funny from someone who blogs their life to the masses, doesn’t it?)

I am private about the deepest, darkest. I think because I don’t want to seem like someone who wallows in self-pity. I know it’s because I don’t want to be perceived as weak. Strong was always valued by my father. Letting things roll right off your back. Pick yourself up and move forward. “You’ll get over it,” was his common refrain. We used to joke that would be his epitaph — “They’ll get over it.”

Back to this past December.

I’ve heard, over and over, how tough the holidays are for some. The pressure. The strain. The in-laws and dysfunctional family get togethers. The financial pressure to measure up. To buy, buy, buy. The social obligations. Forced “Happy Holiday” greetings through gritted teeth.

The logical side of my brain got it. The emotional side of my brain didn’t.

That delicious time (and I do mean delicious) between Thanksgiving and New Years is my hands-down favorite time of the year. I live for it. I hum Christmas carols all year round. I start buying for next year (mostly out of necessity but that doesn’t make it any less fun) as soon as January hits.

And thank goodness, especially this year, that I enjoy December so much.

I said to my therapist, that if it weren’t for the fact that I love the holidays, I just might have slit my wrists. I’m not being flippant. I’m not trying to minimize anyone else’s pain out there. I’m trying to say the emotional part of my brain finally got it this year.

Now before you start worrying your pretty little heads – no one has cancer. Our home is not in foreclosure. It was just (Ha! Just. As if.) a bombardment of yucky, crappy things. A new one each day. For a little over three weeks. Every. Single. Day. From the vacuum cleaner breaking (a ridiculously expensive central vac system) to friendships crumbling to burst water pipes and …… well, I mentioned I’m private. I’m stopping there.

Every day it was something new. It got to the point that I’d wake up and say, “So God (or is it the devil?), what are you going to throw at me today?”

I’d start mumbling mantras: “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”

But that got old.

I’d start preparing and imagining for the worst every time the phone rang or we’d step into the car (Did I mention my husband’s car getting smashed in a parking lot? That was an eventful day.)

But that just put my stomach into knots.

Truly. If it weren’t for the joyous Christmas season – joyous for me, anyway – I never would have made it out. And there’s this little inkling in me, right this very minute, that is trying to strip away all the holiday spirit and really try to comprehend all that happened. But then there is this Superhero force that stops myself and doesn’t let me go there.

Thank goodness. Time to just forget it all and move forward.

Thank you, happy Christmas gene.

I am feeling so grateful that I lucked out with a happy Christmas gene that got me through. There are a small handful of you out there (you know who you are and to protect your privacy I’m not naming/linking here — I’m sure you understand) that  suffer during this time of year or also had a particularly difficult December. I’m sending a Superhero strength anti-depression gene to anyone who needs it.

He looks a little like this:

Cute, huh? He sits snug as a …..well, penguin in your nucleus accumbens and will travel to your prefrontal cortex, your amygdala. Wherever he is needed. He doesn’t look like much. Certainly not like a Superhero (I think his tux is cleverly hiding his cape). But he’s plenty powerful, believe you me.

I had to rely on him much this holiday season. And afterwards, too.

But I’m done with him now.

Thank goodness.

(Ahhhh, if only it were that simple. Hugs to ALL of you out there. Superhero hugs from me.)

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Filed under Deep Thoughts, Holiday, Observations

The 10 “How To’s” I Hope I Never Need

10. How To Remove Bed Bugs From Your Home – This has been all the rage on the internet waves lately and, like a train wreck, I can’t stop myself from clicking the links. I have never met a bed bug (knock, knock) and I hope I never will. But I have read so many stories like these in the past week, I’m becoming an expert. An expert I don’t want to be, believe you me.

9. How To Rid Your Head and Other Heads (‘others’ meaning your kids who brought them home in the first place) of Head Lice – OK. I just had a major head itch and subsequent scratch just typing that lead-in. Ick. When I was in 5th grade an outbreak occurred and I was sent to the school nurse because the base of my neck was so red. Nope. No lice. I just itch every time I hear about those little buggers. See? There I go itching again. Hurry. On to a new topic!

8. How To Get Rid of Crabs – Also of the lice family (who knew?). Makes me so glad that I am in a happy, monogamous relationship. (I know that doesn’t make me immune – so if somebody knows something out there, I’m the kind that would like to know! Just sayin’.)

7. How To Kiss – It just cracks me up that there are how to’s out there like this. Who doesn’t know how to kiss? Wait. Oh yeah, I remember him. Oh. And him, too. Yep. This how-to is definitely needed. Not for me, though. Honestly.

6. How To Pass A Drug Test – I love the first suggestion at this “how to” site – “The easiest way to pass such a test is not to take the drugs being tested.” Uh, duh! And since I’m too afraid to take any drugs that might even be tested, and since my employer (my kids and husband) don’t even know how to administer one, I think I’m pretty safe. Phew!

5. How To Wear High Heels Without Feeling Pain – I was just going to post “how to wear high heels” but then I found this site with the added “without feeling pain.” Exactly why I don’t like to wear high heels. I’ll stick with my flip-flops, sandals, clogs and sneakers. Not very sexy but oh, so comfortable.

4. How To Finish A Basement – When the time comes, I truly hope we have the means to hire someone to do this. This seems like an overwelming project next to building your own home. And it’s not for me. Let the pros do it, thank you very much!

3.  How To Escape A Car Sinking In Water – One of my top ten fears. And I have no idea why. It’s not like I live on the Pacific Coast Highway or anything. If it ever happened I’m afraid I’d be paralyzed with fear.

2. How To Overcome Depression – This one is serious. And I hope I never, ever, ever need it. Sure, I have bad days. Sometimes days that drag into three, four or more. But not like my mother. Not like some of you out there. It’s crippling. It’s debilitating. It keeps you from enjoying the amazing gifts around you. Hugs to anyone of you who may be  feeling in the dumps right now. Warm, healing hugs.

And the number one “How To” I hope I never need….

1. How to Survive An Electromagnetic Pulse Attack – Yes, that book I read last month is still freaking me out. And I’ve read about 3 books since then. You’d think I would have forgotten it by now. I’ll be shopping or dropping the kids off (knowing that I’m going to be 34 miles away from them for the next 5.7 hours) and I’ll be running scenarios through my head…”What would I do if…..?” My heart leapt in my chest just thinking about it all over again. Yes. Surviving an EMP is high on my list.

And I truly hope it’s the most unlikely thing to ever happen.

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Filed under Completely Random