Tag Archives: dreams

Just A Public Service Message From Jane. You Can Thank Me Later.

I settled in with my scrambled egg, toast and tea and flipped on the TV.

“Next up, a mom’s car speeds out of the control with a stuck accelerator.”

Not some random, ordinary woman. A mom. My heart started to pound. My stomach started doing flip flops. My arms began to go weak. I reached for the remote and switched to the weather channel, thinking maybe coverage of tropical storm Issac would calm me down.

You know the recurring nightmares most people have? You’re in a classroom, final exams are about to start and you haven’t studied. Free falling off a cliff or out of an airplane. In an important meeting and you’re standing there naked.

I don’t have those dreams.

I dream about my car careening out of control, the brakes not working or my absolute worst nightmare ever, my boys and I plunge into a sinkhole, full of water and as we’re sinking I know I can’t save us and my boys are looking to me for help.

That last dream is hard for me to even write down without my heart racing out of control. I need to take a break.

Okay.

I’m back.

Watching satellite images and waves and pictures of sandbags, I couldn’t shake the image of that woman’s car speeding onto the shoulder and then back onto the highway again because she couldn’t stop. I thought, why does this freak me out so much? Is it lack of control? Fear of the unknown?

So. I educated myself.

If your accelerator gets stuck:

  1. Put your foot firmly on the brake with steady, strong pressure. (DO NOT pump the brakes.)
  2. Shift the car into neutral.
  3. The car will slow down and come to a stop.
  4. Turn the car off.

Watching this video helped calm me down. I don’t know why. Maybe because the automotive engineer demonstrating is so cool and in control.

For me, knowledge is power. I’m calmer now. And after his recommendations, I  think a Volkswagon in going to be my next car.

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Filed under In the News, Lessons Learned

Leave Worries Behind And Dream. Just A Little.

My dad was a bit of a hippie. I have a picture of him in a turtle neck, bell bottoms and a peace sign on a chain around his neck. It wasn’t a Halloween costume. That was his weekend best.

During the week he wore a suit and tie.

Two different wardrobes but always the same music.

He loved music. 50’s Do0-wop. Gospel. Motown. And folk music. Lots and lots of folk music. I grew up on Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, Peter, Paul and Mary, The Kingston Trio and Simon & Garfunkel. I learned to sing to all of them. But I especially loved to sing along to The Mamas and the Papas.

It always surprises me when I am reminded of how short their career was.

Four years. Five albums. And 11 Top 40 hits.

That’s it. That’s all. But their influence on generations is wide. And their songs are still loved today.

I’ve been reflective of late: considering my anniversary in Blog World, evaluating the impact I’m making in my community, wondering and striving to be a good example to my children. I look at your blogs. I can pick out who is in it for the long haul. Who is in it to be the next Dooce. Who just wants to have a creative outlet in a crazy life.

“Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper “I love you”
Birds singing in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me”

I hope I have staying power. I hope I last longer than 4 years and a few hit posts. I hope the impression I make on this earth is a positive one. And the footprint I leave behind is filled with love, joy and compassion. I pray that my life with my children is long, long, long and that I give them oodles of shining examples to live their lives by.

And if not?

“Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me”

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Filed under Music

Hey, I Can Do That! Or Can I? Wait. Scratch That…Or Will I?

We were visiting an art museum. I don’t remember which one. Our family trips almost always included a museum of some sort. There were a series of pictures by Josef Albers. Homage to a Square.

“What’s the big deal? A bunch of squares,” I said to my dad, “I can do that.”

“But you didn’t,” he replied.

“I know. But look. A square within a square within a square. I could totally do that.”

“But you didn’t,” he said again.

There have been many times when I’ve read a book and thought, “This isn’t even very good. I could do better than that.” But I didn’t. And I still haven’t. Written a book, that is.

And just tonight, while reading some blogs I had bookmarked for “further research” I stumbled upon a blog and she was a published author. (Don’t start guessing. It’s no one we know and no, it isn’t any of you.) And the blog wasn’t even that great. Topics of posts were a bit boring. The look of it was pretty professional but I spotted a grammatical error. It was just so-so.

And I thought, “Hey, I could do that.”

And yes, I have. Started a blog. And it’s ok. I feel like I could do better but I also feel like I’m still learning the ropes. But it’s not what I want it to be. Not yet.

I can do that.

I’ve said it a million times. But I haven’t done it. Haven’t written a book. Haven’t pushed a singing career. Haven’t gone to that audition. Haven’t gone to law school. Haven’t finished my Masters. Haven’t taken that cooking class.

When I’m feeling as if I haven’t accomplished anything in the course of my day my sister will ask, “OK. Well, what HAVE you done?” And I’ll list them: I loaded the dishwasher. I did 3 loads of laundry. I took the dog for a walk. I went to the grocery store. I fixed the boys xBox control. I unloaded the dishwasher. I started dinner. And she’ll say, “See? You got something done today, after all.”

So. What HAVE I done?

I got married. (Way too young) I tried out for a movie and got a small role. I sang in a major Symphony Chorus. I finished college. I adopted a beautiful baby girl. I got divorced. I taught for 12 years. I started my Masters. I volunteered. I presented seminars on laptop programs in schools. I got married again. I helped my husband grow his business. I became a stay-at-home-mom. I adopted a sweet baby boy. I got pregnant. I had another sweet baby boy. I’m raising three amazing children. I started a blog.

So, yes. I have accomplished something. But why doesn’t it feel like enough? What will it take to push me into overdrive so that I can write that book or go back to school? Or is it enough? Being an available, present mother is very important to me. And I am accomplishing that.

But I still have a nagging little ache of desire. A tiny voice, deep inside that still says, “I can do that.”

(“I Can Do That” from A Chorus Line is the song I want to share. This was the best version I could find. Please ignore the House references.)

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Filed under Ponderings