Jane Cures Head Lice And Other Blogging Mysteries Solved

Apparently, I’ve cured head lice.

Single handedly.

On November 2nd I wrote about head lice here. And then, mysteriously, on November 19th, 17 days later, my blog stats took a gigantic leap and readership soared. Through the roof. So, I wrote about it here.

I’ve been riding that gravy train of popularity ever since. That is, until today. As suddenly as my readership soared, it plummeted.

Crashed.

Deep nose dive.

Everyone must have taken my advice, cured their head lice problem with simple tea tree oil solutions, thus wiping out head lice across the globe.

And I’m lonely.

Don’t get me wrong. I knew my popularity was fake. But that doesn’t stop a girl from pretending there are lots and lots of people out there reading her stuff, educating themselves and coming back for more.

But now, my stats are back where they used to be. And I want to know.

Was it something I said?

WordPress has this handy little year end feature where they put together stats on your blog. There was a little button so that I could share it with all of you but I chose not to. Then you’d all see how few truly read me and I didn’t want you few who do to feel like total losers. Just trying to save your tender hearts, that’s all.

WordPress told me that I should write more about head lice, burkas and Toddler’s & Tiaras. That’s what my readers want, apparently. But I can’t. Head lice makes me squeamish. Burkas make me lose readers because they think I’m a racist. And Toddler’s & Tiaras doesn’t deserve any more publicity. (So erase those last few sentences from your memory banks. These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.)

I have readers (all 44 of you) from six of the seven continents. Most from the US and Canada. That means that 21 of you are from North America. Nine of you are from Europe. Six from Australia. Five from South America. Two from Asia and one from Africa. (This is just a guess. An uneducated one. And 44? Just the number of hits I had at the moment I began writing this post. But I like playing with numbers. And pretending, apparently.) 

Here’s where it really gets interesting….

One of my greatest referral sites, besides Google and WordPress, is the sweet Bibliomama from up yonder. (That means Canada.) So, thank you, Bibliomama. I have a feeling it’s because Blogspot has that handy dandy feature that you employ on your sidebar. You know, the one that advertises the latests blog post titles of the writers in your Blogroll. Thank you for using this feature. I love it, myself. And I’m grateful that I have an honored spot in your Blogroll.

I, like any other blogger, like comments. Here on my blog, that is. Finding the time to read everyone out there that I want to read and then comment – that’s another story. But comments here? Welcomed and encouraged.

My top 5 commenters are:

1. Big Little Wolf at Daily Plate of Crazy

2. Dawn King from Dawn King

3. Faemom from Faemom

4. Katy Beth from My Odd Family

and last, but certainly not least….

5. TKW from The Kitchen Witch

You ladies are the bomb! Thank you, a million thank yous, for popping in here to see what I’ve written and then commenting even though I seem to have a hard time getting around to that myself. It’s nice to know I’m not writing to wind. I promise to make the effort to do a better job of commenting. I promise.

My little WordPress annual report was entertaining. And it reminded me to thank the readers who read me, which I should do more often.

Thank you! All of you!

And to the readers who are no longer coming here because, through my humble blog, I’ve cured your head lice situation?

You’re welcome.

Giving Thanks For My Fake Popularity

For unknown reasons, my blog spiked in readership…no, make that hits, on November 19th. Exactly 17 days after I published this post on head lice.

News Flash! If you want a lot of hits on your blog, write about head lice.

But 17 days later? It took that long for people to find my expert opinion on head lice?

Find me, they did. And I’ve never been more popular. But I know what is happening. People are Googling head lice images and intrigued by my picture, they end up clicking on my blog. All for this picture:

And it isn’t even a very good picture. I used that pic to illustrate how difficult the little buggers are to identify. But no matter. People have been clicking here anyway. Horrible picture and marginal writing and all.

Wild.

But I haven’t gained any new readers from it. And I haven’t discovered any new bloggers.

Just hits.

Empty hits.

Lots and lots of empty hits.

I hope all you silent readers out there are gleaning valuable information. I hope none of you actually have head lice. Hopefully, you’re just educating yourselves. And that’s fine by me. I was a teacher, after all.

And while I know this new popularity is as empty as the hits I’m getting, I’m thankful anyway.

Even if it is fake popularity.

‘Tis The Season. Head Lice Season, That Is.

Did you just scratch your neck reading that blog post title. I did. Anytime anyone ever mentions these little buggers, I itch. And I scratch. And I itch some more.

They make my skin crawl.

Yours, too?

A week ago, we received the obligatory letter from the school that a case of head lice had been reported. I scanned the note. I  glossed over its suggestions and warnings. But didn’t pay much heed. I have boys. Boys don’t get head lice. (Not true.)  Besides, when are we going to come into close contact with these little critters? With my daughter, I’d search her head from time to time during lice season. But even then, I wasn’t worried. And, as luck would have it, we were able to avoid their invasion her entire school career.

Will I be so lucky this season?

Only time will tell.

Because we came into contact Monday night. Close contact. And I failed miserably when put to the test, as a mom and a hostess.

The guests began arriving for our annual Pre-Halloween-Trick-Or-Treating-Protein-Packed-Chili-Dinner. This year I was truly the hostess with the mostest. I sent out invitations 3+ weeks prior. I began collecting all the dinnerware and paper products. I set out serving platters and dishes days in advance. I prepared the chili the day before and prepped all the veggies, dips and toppings. The day of, all I had to do was warm the food and set everything up. I was finally going to be able to enjoy my guests, unfrazzled and unfazed.

And then the bomb was dropped.

So-in-so’s* child had to be picked up from school today because of head lice.

*So-in-so’s name has been changed to So-in-so, to protect her……well….to protect HER. Yes. She, So-in-so, was doing the actual telling of the story. No one was gossiping. We were all just standing there. Listening. Slack jawed.

And no, she hadn’t treated her yet but it’s ok because head lice doesn’t jump from head to head. It has to crawl and it’s not like our kids are sharing hats or anything tonight – they’re all wearing their costumes. But don’t worry. So-in-so bought the special shampoo at the drug store and she’s going to treat her daughters (Yes, plural. As in 3 guests at the party) as soon as they got back from trick-or-treating. No worries.

(Cue newly frazzled and fazed hostess.)

The other moms and I stood there dumbfounded. I had no idea what to say. I was taught that as a hostess, my job is to make each and every guest feel welcome and comfortable. But when all I wanted to do was cancel the party, shuffle my guests out the door, send my kids off to the shower, disinfect every last inch of my home — I just stood there. And smiled. (Yes. I actually smiled through the whole disgusting telling of events. I am so ashamed.)

Needless to say, most of my guests left early to trick-or-treat.

My sister called and when I told her the story she reprimanded me.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” she demanded.

“What should I have said?”

“You should have said…..you could have….well, I would have said…….Well, I don’t know. But you should have said something!” she stammered.

My sister nailed it. Yes. I should have said something. My thoughts were a jumble of stuttering and stammering. In the moment? I had no idea what to say. I only knew what I wanted to do. Kick her and every other guest out and disinfect my kids, myself, my husband and my home from top to bottom, from inside and out.

We have no signs. Yet. But I scoured the internet and am happy to share with you some things I learned.

1. Tea Tree Oil is a wonder oil. You can mix it in your shampoo, in a spray mister for pillows and couches, you can even add it to your laundry detergent (12 drops per load). It is a natural lice repellent and believe you me, my family and my home are doused in it, swimming in it even.

2. Head lice don’t jump. They crawl from head to head, looking for a tasty host. After about 48 hours with no yummy blood to feed on they shrivel and die. Create an unappealing environment (tea tree smelling head, for instance) and they’re not likely to stick around. While cleaning linens and pillows are a good idea, covering your home with a tarp and spray bombing (don’t laugh, I actually thought of doing this) is not necessary.

3. Tea tree oil has been found so effective that some studies suggest that it is more effective than the insect repellent DEET.

4. I don’t care what So-in-so said at my party, head lice is highly contagious. HIGHLY.

5. Save your energy for thorough lice/nit removal. They live on human blood, not carpet fibers. While vacuuming is a good idea to remove fallen hairs with nits attached, spraying your home with pesticides (or Lysol – which is what I did as soon as So-in-so left my home) is not necessary. I did spray everything with the tea tree oil solution, however, which is non-toxic, because I thought, hey. It couldn’t hurt. And it makes me feel proactive.

Yes, lice season is upon us.

Hopefully, an ounce of prevention will be worth the cure.

I’ll let you know in a couple of weeks.

(I predict at least 87 heads were scratched during the reading of this blog post.)

The 10 “How To’s” I Hope I Never Need

10. How To Remove Bed Bugs From Your Home – This has been all the rage on the internet waves lately and, like a train wreck, I can’t stop myself from clicking the links. I have never met a bed bug (knock, knock) and I hope I never will. But I have read so many stories like these in the past week, I’m becoming an expert. An expert I don’t want to be, believe you me.

9. How To Rid Your Head and Other Heads (‘others’ meaning your kids who brought them home in the first place) of Head Lice – OK. I just had a major head itch and subsequent scratch just typing that lead-in. Ick. When I was in 5th grade an outbreak occurred and I was sent to the school nurse because the base of my neck was so red. Nope. No lice. I just itch every time I hear about those little buggers. See? There I go itching again. Hurry. On to a new topic!

8. How To Get Rid of Crabs – Also of the lice family (who knew?). Makes me so glad that I am in a happy, monogamous relationship. (I know that doesn’t make me immune – so if somebody knows something out there, I’m the kind that would like to know! Just sayin’.)

7. How To Kiss – It just cracks me up that there are how to’s out there like this. Who doesn’t know how to kiss? Wait. Oh yeah, I remember him. Oh. And him, too. Yep. This how-to is definitely needed. Not for me, though. Honestly.

6. How To Pass A Drug Test – I love the first suggestion at this “how to” site – “The easiest way to pass such a test is not to take the drugs being tested.” Uh, duh! And since I’m too afraid to take any drugs that might even be tested, and since my employer (my kids and husband) don’t even know how to administer one, I think I’m pretty safe. Phew!

5. How To Wear High Heels Without Feeling Pain – I was just going to post “how to wear high heels” but then I found this site with the added “without feeling pain.” Exactly why I don’t like to wear high heels. I’ll stick with my flip-flops, sandals, clogs and sneakers. Not very sexy but oh, so comfortable.

4. How To Finish A Basement – When the time comes, I truly hope we have the means to hire someone to do this. This seems like an overwelming project next to building your own home. And it’s not for me. Let the pros do it, thank you very much!

3.  How To Escape A Car Sinking In Water – One of my top ten fears. And I have no idea why. It’s not like I live on the Pacific Coast Highway or anything. If it ever happened I’m afraid I’d be paralyzed with fear.

2. How To Overcome Depression – This one is serious. And I hope I never, ever, ever need it. Sure, I have bad days. Sometimes days that drag into three, four or more. But not like my mother. Not like some of you out there. It’s crippling. It’s debilitating. It keeps you from enjoying the amazing gifts around you. Hugs to anyone of you who may be  feeling in the dumps right now. Warm, healing hugs.

And the number one “How To” I hope I never need….

1. How to Survive An Electromagnetic Pulse Attack – Yes, that book I read last month is still freaking me out. And I’ve read about 3 books since then. You’d think I would have forgotten it by now. I’ll be shopping or dropping the kids off (knowing that I’m going to be 34 miles away from them for the next 5.7 hours) and I’ll be running scenarios through my head…”What would I do if…..?” My heart leapt in my chest just thinking about it all over again. Yes. Surviving an EMP is high on my list.

And I truly hope it’s the most unlikely thing to ever happen.