Oh! The Pressure To Write So That I Can Become Famous!

On WordPress, I read about David McRaney, a WordPress blogger who garnered a book deal based on his blog.

I thought, Yay! Good for him!

Then, I read on msn.com about a writer over at cracked.com who wrote a piece about Hollywood’s inaccuracies about the work place. The piece garnered much attention, enough to be mentioned again on msn.com.

I enjoyed both articles. But it got me thinking…..

Oooooo. What if something I wrote got noticed by someone big?  How cool would that be? Oh, the hits my blog would get. I wonder how many new people would find me? How many would click that handy-dandy little subscribe button so that they could read what I’ve written every single time I post?

Every.

Single.

Post.

Oh God. They would click back here and expect another stellar piece. What would I do then?

I enjoy this writing outlet. I love sharing my inconsequential thoughts on the controversial and the mundane. But the majority of my posts are pretty boring and only interesting to a select few (other nuts) out there. And I have typos. And grammatical errors a plenty. Shoot. I’m willing to bet my former English teachers roll in their graves every time I click publish.

But I’m famous now. And I have a public to appease. So I’ll agonize and write and delete and write some more. I’ll spend hours searching the internet for new post ideas and the perfect picture to illustrate my point. The laundry would pile up. We’d eat Chef Boyardee or take-out Chinese every night. My kids would start going to school with mismatched socks and lollipops stuck in their hair. The dog would never get a walk. Dust bunnies the size of tumble weeds would turn our breakfast bar into a wild, wild west saloon.

Nope.

I can’t do it.

You’re stuck with the mostly average and the occasional stellar blog post.

So, go away you fancy, schmacy editors, you.

I just can’t handle the pressure.

See, Hollywood? Even My Kids See The Difference Between A Book and Your Movie.

One of my favorite things about having kids is that I can relive the favorites from my own childhood. Especially books.

We’re readers in this family. And my boys love that magical 1/2 hour before bedtime when we read a book together. I couldn’t wait for my boys to have the attention span for me to read “chapter books” to them. The Borrowers. The Hobbit. Superfudge.

And Beezus and Ramona.

They loved Beezus and Ramona and I was thrilled. I was afraid that because it was about two sisters they might call it a “girls” book. But they didn’t. They loved Ramona’s antics (just like #2son) and Beezus’ exasperation (just like #1son.) It was a perfect fit – despite the gender difference.

The movie came out and they begged me to take them. I saw the trailer and I had my doubts. As adorable as Selena Gomez and Joey King appeared – it seemed a bit modern and a little off the track. I didn’t recognize the antics portrayed on the commercial. And with Selena Gomez’s popularity, I was afraid the theater would be packed with girls. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m just acutely aware of #1son’s phobia of being associated with anything girly. (It’s just a stage. I know.)

So, I taped it. Or DVR’d it. (Whatever we’re calling it these days.)

It was a lazy, summer afternoon. We had swim practice in the morning and baseball at night. The afternoon was spent out of the sun and resting for the next activity. (Them, resting. Me? Housework.)

“Mom! Can we watch Ramona and Beezus?”

“Sure,” I answer, a bit dejectedly. I had wanted to watch it with them but I was under the gun to wash baseball uniforms.

I hear the catchy theme song in the background. I hear a giggle. I figure as soon as I pull the next load out of the dryer I’ll fold clothes in the family room and watch it with them.

But by the time I: sort through 3 hampers, feed the cat, gather 4 full loads of dirty clothes (by color), trip over the dog, transfer one load from the washer to the dryer, and grab the laundry basket towering with unfolded clothes? They’re watching Phineas and Ferb.

“What happened to Ramona and Beezus?” I ask.

“It was way different from the book,” says #2son, “We didn’t like it.”

“Yeah,” #1son adds, “The book was way better!”

See, Hollywood?

You needn’t mess with perfection.

 

 

Give Michael A Chance – It’s Not His Fault His Brother Is Sean Penn

The DJ said, “Now, don’t hold it against him that Sean Penn is his brother. This next song is pretty good. Please, give it a chance!”

As soon as I heard “Sean Penn” I wanted to tune out. But this DJ was speaking to me. Because I’m the one that holds it against you if you’re mean, self-centered, loathsome, egotistical or cruel. I’m not saying Sean Penn is all of those things. Far from it. But a couple of those adjectives might suit him.

What do I hold against Sean Penn? His ill-advised activism, using his celebrity as a vehicle to be heard.

Hugo Chavez is NOT a dictator? The less than literate rant that he paid $56,000 to have printed in the Washington Post speaking out against President Bush?

I’m ok with him having an opinion. I’m ok with his right to express it. What I have a problem with is him relying on his high school education coupled with his portrayal of serious characters in film in myopic Hollywood and thinking this makes him a highly educated, worldly, wise and fair representative of the poor and down trodden.

Sorry. It just doesn’t work that way. You’re getting paid to pretend to be someone else.  After you finish pretending, you’re still you. You do not get to keep all of the intelligence, world experience and wisdom of the character you played.

It is so hard for me to look past the in-your-face activism of Hollywood. Whether it be Jane Fonda or Oprah. Sean Penn or Charlton Heston. Give me the quiet, humble, hard-working, and fairly anonymous Steven Spielberg, Mariah Carey or Sandra Bullock – all widely recognized for their philanthropic efforts without major headlines.

So give Michael a chance. This song is pretty good. And I prefer this unplugged version.

An oldie, but a goodie.

A one hit wonder.

Possibly because his brother is Sean Penn.

I Don’t Get It. Will Someone Please Enlighten Me?

Logging on today I found this story. Some unknown from Uruguay took three hundred dollars and made a short “film.” I loosely call it a film because frankly, it looks to me like a scene that could have been stolen from ‘War of the Worlds’ or any other such “aliens invade Earth” kind of film. He put it on YouTube and currently it has over 3 million hits. Three days after he put it up on the web his inbox was overflowing with offers from Hollywood. He “settled” for a 30 million price tag for the rights to make a feature film.

I watched it. I don’t see the appeal. I love the movies. I’ll see anything. But I’m not kidding you. This is nothing we haven’t seen before. I just don’t get it.

But hey, you judge for yourself.

(Ooooo….the math teacher in me just noticed something. $300. 3 days after it appeared he had offers. Over 3 million hits. $30 million movie deal. Spooky!)