Yep. That’s My Goal.

Thanks For Reminding Me, Andy Rooney, That Writers Never Die

A crotchety curmudgeon. A war-time journalist for the U.S. Army. A humorist. A somewhat reluctant television personality.  A former news correspondent. A husband. A father.

Andy Rooney 1919-2011

A writer.

I had a love/hate relationship with Andy Rooney. He made me laugh. He annoyed me. But always, he made me think. And I love a person who makes me think.

I’ve been watching him on 60 Minutes for as long as I can remember. There are some episodes, thanks to the invention of TiVo, where I’d skip to the last 10 minutes of the show just to watch Andy Rooney.

I’ve tried to copy his style. To no avail. But when I’m a bit down about my own blog and how I don’t seem to have a direction, I think of him.  It annoys me that I can’t find some niche. That I’m a female who blogs but it’s not a “mom blog” or a “writer’s blog.” I sometimes feel like a square peg in a round hole. It’s  just a blog. And I write about the serious and the mundane.

Hey. Kind of like Andy Rooney.

So, I secretly convince myself that I’m more of an Andy Rooney blog. Although, I’m not sure Andy would appreciate the comparison. But that’s ok. He’ll never read me. He hasn’t read me. Not that I know of, anyway.

But some people have read me. And they like what I’ve written. And that is what is important. To get the written word out there, hopefully to be read. But just get it out there.

My readers are kind of like my friends from high school. A mixed bag. I was friends with jocks, nerds and the artsy fartsy types. Today, my readers are executives, homemakers, chefs, musicians and teachers with a few artsy-fartsy thrown in for good measure.

But writers.

Every last one of them.

And am I honored to be in their presence. They inspire me. They make me laugh. They make me think. Together we get our thoughts out there to share, to see and be seen. We do our part to shift the cosmos a little, to shake up conventional wisdom. And I love that about all of you.

Our words are read. Some are preserved on paper. Some words are preserved on the internet. But they live on. And they touch souls. They open minds.

Yes, Andy Rooney. Thank goodness that writers never die.

Releasing Cheaters Into The Wild? Now That’s Tough Love!

(To celebrate her high school graduation, my daughter and I are on a little hiatus together. A mother/daughter hiatus. I will be posting some of my favorite posts in the interim. Enjoy!)

 

The facts: I am a rule follower. My mother wears hearing aids. I like to listen to the BBC a few mornings a week to hear world news and opinion.

Now, on with my story…

The other morning I was listening to the BBC when I heard the newscaster say, “Blah, blah, blah (some organization, from India maybe?) is planning on releasing cheaters into the wild.”

Cheaters?

Isn’t that a little harsh?

What will it be like…maybe a remote area, similar to a leper colony? Or will it be like that reality show “Survivor” and there will be cameras, a neutral host and episodes on trust and how to cheat a cheater?

Didn’t she say India? I never realized their justice system was so harsh. Is a cheater someone who cheats on a spelling test or on their taxes? Or is this for cheating spouses? They’ll banish them from society and make them live with their fellow cheaters. See how they like cheating then! Yep. That’ll teach ’em.

And then the newscaster spoke of “Chiner.”

Chiner? I’ve never heard of that country….

Oh, wait. China. And cheetahs. Releasing cheetahs into the wild.

Oops.

Nevermind.

 

Releasing Cheaters Into The Wild. Now That’s Tough Love!

The facts: I am a rule follower. My mother wears hearing aids. I like to listen to the BBC a few mornings a week to hear world news and opinion. Now, on with my story…

The other morning I was listening to the BBC when I heard the newscaster say, “Blah, blah, blah (some organization, from India maybe?) is planning on releasing cheaters into the wild.”

Cheaters?

Isn’t that a little harsh?

What will it be like…maybe a remote area, similar to a leper colony? Or will it be like that reality show “Survivor” and there will be cameras, a neutral host and episodes on trust and how to cheat a cheater?

Didn’t she say India? I never realized their justice system was so harsh. Is a cheater someone who cheats on a spelling test or on their taxes? Or is this for cheating spouses? They’ll banish them from society and make them live with their fellow cheaters. See how they like cheating then! Yep. That’ll teach ’em.

And then the newscaster spoke of “Chiner.”

Chiner? I’ve never heard of that country….

Oh, wait. China. And cheetahs. Releasing cheetahs into the wild.

Oops.

Nevermind.

 

Wrinkled Boobs, Lucky Charms Cakes And Helping You To Spell Flummoxed – Guess I’m Just A Wealth Of Information

This probably only interests me. So I apologize in advance if I’m boring you. And there is so much great stuff out there, you could go somewhere else. I’m just sayin’.

I receive the most amusing search terms to find my blog. I really, really do. They make me laugh. And they make for nice, light material after two really depressing posts.

spell “flummoxed” – I guess once a teacher, always a teacher. I’m just glad someone was able to come here, read a little something fun and get ed-u-ma-cated all in one shot. (Now, the insecure me is racing back to said post, making sure I didn’t misspell flummoxed.)

husband online all day – I have no idea which post this would have generated and I want to assure all of you out there my husband is NOT addicted to the internet. End of story. Now stop asking.

jane is sleeping – Again, no idea how my blog popped up for that search. ‘Cause I have little kids. And a night owl teenager. Sleep is a luxury in this house. I wish Jane were sleeping.

wrinkled hanging boobs – Enough already!

chipped my front tooth on a staple – Ok. That really happened. And I wrote about it here. But I had it fixed so I’m cleverly disguised. You might not even recognized me if you saw me out and about in Blog World. I’m just relieved that I’m not the only one who’s done it.

hornyteens – Typed just like that. No space. All together now! And a-one-and-a-two-and-a three….Whaaaaaa? Searching for horny teens and you found me? First of all that was a long, long time ago. Second, if you’re talking about my teaching years – yes, I taught many the horny teen but I’m sure I didn’t blog about them. That’s just gross. Third, ewwwwwwww.

my favorite babysitter 10, blue – ? That’s all I got – ?

alleluia bon jovi – Now, I hate to break it to you Bon Jovi fans out there – because I know you all hang on my every music recommendation – but I’m not a huge fan of Bon Jovi. So I’m sure I’ve never written about them here. Or anywhere, for that matter. Especially with alleluia immediately preceding the name. How did that happen?

my husband sucks the joy out of life – There we go again with the husband bashing. I don’t bash my husband here! That’s for this blog. (Incidentally, a funny blog for when a particular someone is driving you crazy.) And my husband never sucks the joy out of life. (fingers and toes crossed, biting back a big guffaw)

lucky charms cake – Sounds interesting. I’m intrigued. But you landed here? Sounds more like something my good friend TKW would cook up!

what does a woman 120 pounds 5 ‘5 look like – Come a little closer, honey, and I’ll show you. (wink, wink) But seriously, Buddy. Every woman in those crazy chat rooms you hang out in says she’s 5’5″ and 120 lbs. You need to turn off the computer, quit sucking the joy out of life and get out there and meet REAL people. Seriously, dude.

do boobs get wrinkled – Apparently, YES. But I can only answer in the affirmative based on the number of times other people search about wrinkled boobs and ended up here. I’m just left wondering how it is so many of you out there have seen me naked?