I have evolved.
Into what, I don’t know. But I know I’m different. I know that I possess more information than I ever thought I would about blogging. I also know that I know very little about the world of blogging.
My one year anniversary is coming up in August and I still feel like a newbie. But then, one of you visits my blog and you really are a newbie. Showing all the same, desperate signs I used to.
You know the signs. Commenting anywhere and everywhere. Plugging your blog, not knowing that your name is already linked. Singing the praises of a blogger you barely know. (Oh wait, that was just me.)
And then your traffic picks up a little. And you have a lot more comments. So, while you’re commenting everywhere and anywhere, just trying to keep up, the laundry falls behind and you start feeding your family more take-out. And you stop and say,
“THIS IS MADNESS!”
So you stop. You breathe. And you adjust.
You start writing 5 posts a week and not 6. And then wheedle it down to 4. You use the “extra” days of the week to catch up on comments or writing brilliant posts.
But it never seems enough.
And you start wondering…who am I? Why am I here? Do people really care about what I have to say? Why doesn’t SallyJo look at my blog anymore? What if I run out of ideas? What if I’ve plateaued? What does it mean to have more readers? Do I really need that validation? Can I have an ice cream sandwich? (Oh. Sorry. Just me again.)
Who am I? I am Jane. I speak my mind. Sometimes it’s intelligent or insightful or indescribable (because I babble) but never insidious.
Why am I here? Because I saw a silly movie about a blogger and thought, Hey! I can do that! (And then started singing “I Can Do That” from A Chorus Line.)
Do people really care about what I have to say? Apparently. And you’re still here reading. I have to say, I’m a tad amazed that people still check in. That I haven’t gotten too stale, tired or boring. Thanks. I appreciate your stamina.
Why doesn’t SallyJo look at my blog anymore? I have to admit. This has me stumped. I don’t know why, but I miss SallyJo. (Names were changed to protect the neglectful.) I also have to admit, I don’t check in on her blog much anymore, either. It’s not a tit-for-tat kind of thing. I just wasn’t finding anything of interest. And my comments started to feel empty. But now, MillieSue? I miss her, too. And her blog is fantastic. She used to comment here all the time. I always have something to comment on her posts. But she’s stopped coming here, too. No matter how often I visit her. I just don’t get it.
What if I run out of ideas? Me? Run out of things to say? I’m actually laughing out loud here. Nope. Not Jane. Sure, I need a little nudge now and then and that’s where Google searches come in so handy. But let’s get real here. I might suffer a little slump but I’ll crawl right out of it.
What if I’ve plateaued? Now this, I do worry about. I may not run out of ideas but what if my writing never improves? Or, while I might have something to say, I never find a more creative way to say it? What if my 12 faithful readers are all I’ll ever have? Which leads me to…
What does it mean to have more readers? Do I need more people to feel guilty about not having the time to read their blog, too? Am I really like the Facebook fanatic that simply MUST have 10,000 friends? Isn’t it just more important to connect with someone, anyone…as in any one person out there? Yes. It is. But my emotional-10th grade-self still would love more readers.
Do I really need that validation? I suppose I do. That is where I have evolved. I enjoy writing. I enjoy engaging other readers. I enjoy being inspired and entertained by other bloggers. But I also enjoy the validation that comes with comments and emails, knowing that others hear what I have to say and are moved enough to say so. But quite honestly, I don’t like it that I have that need, no matter how small. So that is where I am evolving to. To a place where validation isn’t necessary. Wish me luck.
Can I have an ice cream sandwich? Yes, Jane. You have completed yet another post. You can have an ice cream sandwich.