I’m Plugging My Ears And Singing La La La. Because It’s The Olympics. In Another Freakin’ Time Zone.

This was me before the Olympics:

 

This is me now that the Olympics have begun:

I love the Olympics. Especially the summer Olympics.

I’m a former competitive swimmer and coach.

My daughter is a former gymnast. She has even dabbled in rowing since we live so close to the Atlanta ’96 venue.

My boys are big into soccer and baseball.

I also love the internet. I log on in the morning to check emails and do a little banking. I log on in the afternoon to craft a blog post and sneak in a little blog reading.

My home page was msn.com. “Was” because they kept telling me the results of the swimming competition before I could see it on TV. So, I switched to yahoo.com. They were a little more vague about their headlines. Until a few days ago.

So, now, my home page is Google. With their cute, clever images:

I hate knowing the results before I’ve had a chance to experience it with the rest of the television viewing audience. Today when I logged on I found out the the women’s gymnastics team blah-blah-blah-blah and Michael Phelps blah-blah-blah-blah and it all won’t be televised until this evening.

That’s it. I’m done. No more news for me until after the Olympics are over.

I sure hope nothing earth-shattering happens between now and then.

If I need to know about it, would someone please shoot me an email?

For The Love Of God. No More News Videos. Please!

I admit it. I get the majority (dare I say all?) of my news from the blurbs that pop up on my computer screen. My home screen is msn.com and my email is yahoo. Two news sources from which to glean the top news stories of the day.

As you all know, my computer is a dinosaur. Yes. Money is tight right now for our family. But, I’m also cheap. Very cheap. With some things, anyway. And buying a new computer every….ok, this is embarrassing……every 10 years (I think the one I’m on right now is about 8 years old)….is ridiculous. They should make things that last, right?

Oh, I know my computer is still working but the programs are quickly becoming obsolete. And updating them is almost as expensive as buying a new computer…but I digress. But you’re used to that, right?

Focus, Jane. Focus.

So, I click on a news story that interests me and BAM. I’m locked onto a page, with a video loading. My dinosaur of a computer is trying its darndest to load that sucker before the next load of laundry needs to be shoved into the dryer. And I’m stuck. Watching that silly little twirling-arrow-counting-down thingy. For forever.

So, I get annoyed. And do one of two things.

1.) I walk away from the computer and straighten the playroom, get myself a beverage (sometimes I have time for a hot beverage) and unload and load the dishwasher.

OR

2.) I jam my finger onto the turn on/turn off button on the hard drive and wait for the computer to shut down manually. Then I re-boot the computer, realizing that I will now never know how to stay healthy while traveling or why Kim Kardashian’s marriage (fling?) really broke up.

Sometimes there is a warning. Sometimes I see a little tiny video camera icon that alerts me to the time sucking dangers ahead.

I love those times.

But online journalism has gotten sneaky over the years. Sometimes there isn’t a warning. Sometimes it’s a really clever headline teaser for a really juicy piece of news gossip and I get sucked right in.

I hate those times.

Give me text! For the love of God. Please. No more news videos. Let me scan the information at my leisure. Let me decide if the information is useful or entertaining. Do not, I repeat, do not make me sit through 3 minutes and 45 seconds with your goofy model wanna-be posing as a newscaster, complete with inane banter to tell me something I could have read in 27 seconds.

That’s 3 minutes and 18 seconds of my life wasted. That I will never get back. Not including the 2 minutes and 14 seconds to download the waste-of-time-news-story in the first place.

Don’t do that to me, please.

I beg of you.

And now, dear readers, back to your regularly scheduled blog cruising.