My Heart Going Boom Boom Boom

I absolutely adore the song “Solsbury Hill” by Peter Gabriel. As melancholy as the lyrics can be, it is always a happy, hopeful song.

“My heart going boom boom boom” – A song full of promise. Change. A shift in perspective. That’s what happening to me now. Yesterday the shift was a bit scary, a bit depressing. Today, I am filled with hope.

“Open doors would soon be shut
So I went from day to day
Tho’ my life was in a rut
“Till I thought of what I’d say
Which connection I should cut” – There have been some revelations in my life recently that have caused me to stop, reassess, adjust. Some days it felt as if a door was slamming on my foot. Other days I was struck dumb. Then there was the re-evaluating relationships. The struggle. But the tempo of the music matches my mood. While difficult and uncomfortable, it’s been freeing and cleansing. I feel so much lighter today.

“When illusion spin her net
I’m never where I want to be
And liberty she pirouette
When I think that I am free” – I don’t think I realized how stifled I was. How I am not myself when I am preoccupied with pleasing and compromising. I have a cautious appreciation for change. And the change in myself that I am feeling now feels right.

“I will show another me
Today I don’t need a replacement
I’ll tell them what the smile on my face meant
My heart going boom boom boom
“Hey” I said “You can keep my things,
they’ve come to take me home” – Home. Within myself. Feeling comfortable in my own skin. Knowing what is important to me. That is the space I find myself today.

I was surprised to discover that Sarah McLachlan and Dave Matthews have versions of this song, both artists I love. But their versions were dull in comparison to the original. They didn’t make it their own, as Simon Cowell would say.

But I wouldn’t want them to make it their own.

It is perfect just the way it is.