Sometimes You Say It Better Than I Can

Did I say sometimes? Let me re-phrase. A lot of the time. I read your posts some days and I’m shaking my head wishing I had said that.

Here.

Let me show you.

1. When I need to shake things up inside my own little head, I visit Big Little Wolf. She always gets me jazzed about some new thought/idea/controversy/event. She tackles all kinds of issues, including  personal responsiblity with our own health.

2. LL Cool Joe offers glimpses into his life that I adore. Especially here, talking about his daughters. (And not really about Beyonce’s @$$, as the title suggests. 😉 

3. I love Rudri’s  introspective writing. So feel free to peruse any of her posts. But go here to wish her a happy birthday!

4. For a laugh, I love to visit Nap at Naptime Writing. This post is the perfect example of why I love her so!

5. And my dear, sweet, TKW. All about picture day. I, too, loathe picture day. And I have boys. Try to figure that one out. It’s not the getting ready or which clothes to wear. It’s the goofy faces or half closed eyes that I face when they come home with those pre-paid-pics. Ugh.

So many more of you that I read and love. Truly. Thanks for always putting out such quality material. I love visiting you all. Even if I’m reading from my phone and can’t (because I’m technically challenged) comment.

Forget Waldo. Where’s Jane?

No. I’m not out lying on a rooftop somewhere. (Although, after yesterday, you might find me out on a ledge.)

I’m a guest writer over at The Kitchen Witch.

So, c’mon! Follow me. You can read my post and then scan some of her more recent posts, if you haven’t seen them already.  (Mmmmm, I smell Strawberry Shortcake!)

Love It Or Hate It? (50 Cent Fans? This Post Isn’t What You Think It Is)

Love it or Hate it?

I’ll tell you. (My answers are in parenthesis)

Then, you tell me.

Ready?

Set.

Go!

1. Snow days when school gets cancelled and there isn’t any snow on the ground and the roads are clear? (Hate it!)

2. A real Christmas tree complete with dropping needles? (Love it!)

3. Asymmetrical haircuts? (Still hate it!)

4. House guests in your home for 20 straight days in a row? (It’s love/hate for me)

5. Shopping online? (Love it!)

6. Shopping at Whole Foods? (I love it! My wallet hates it!)

7. Tuna Noodle Casserole? (I loved it as a kid. As an adult, I’ve pulled a 180. Hate it!)

8. The Apprentice Season 10? (Loved it!)

9. Amazing Race – any season? (Love it!)

10. Reality shows on MTV?  (Hate it!)

11. College bowl games on December 31 and January 1? (Love it!)

12. Spreading out the football games from December 18 – January 10th? (Hate it!)

13. The mom who chewed out her NHL coaching son for using foul language? (Love it!)

14. Eggnog? (Hate it!)

15. Truman Capote’s boxed set of The Thanksgiving Visitor and A Christmas Memory? (Love it, love it, love it and I read it every year and never tire of it!)

16. Pixie haircuts? (Love it! Just wish I could pull it off.)

17. Creating a Facebook page for your baby? (Hate it!)

18. Trying to complete this post on a dinosaur of a computer with a slow internet hook-up? (Hate it!)

19. Being completely finished with Christmas shopping a week before the big day? (Love it!)

20. Having a blog that, not only provides a creative outlet, but has introduced me to some amazing people and some amazing writing? (Love it, love it, love it!!!)

What do you love and hate?

10 Ways To Avoid Writing A Blog Post

10. Do laundry. Lots of laundry. And when you’re done with the laundry, launder things that have never been laundered before. (Yes, I actually did this today. Shoot me now.)

9. Google things. For an hour. When nothing inspires you, Google some more. You just might learn something.

8. Stalk old flames on Facebook. (Embarrassing, but true.)

7. Use Google Earth to check out the neighborhood where you grew up. Count how many blocks you walked to school and notice all the empty lots and boarded up houses. Be glad you still don’t live there.

6. Get rubbing alcohol and some Q-tips. Clean all the gunk between the keyboard keys.

5. Visit all the blogs in your “Needs Further Research” folder looking for inspiration. Realize why they needed further research in the first place.

4. Visit your favorite blogs for inspiration. Realize you will never match their brilliance, hence the reason they are your favorites.

3. Visit the bloggers who comment on other blogs. Realize for as many really great blogs there are, there are twice as many boring ones. (Sorry. Just being honest.)

2. Visit every single person who has ever commented on your blog. Be inspired by their posts. Begin to write your own and realize you are creeping dangerously close to every form of plagiarism out there. Quit while you’re ahead.

And the #1 one way to avoid writing a blog post?

1. Create a list. Any kind of list. And see if anyone notices that it actually turned into a blog post.

What I Want To Know Is….?

My first year Blogaversary is coming up. And I’m very excited.

I’ve been blogging for a full year now and I’ve learned so much: how to post a pic, how to post a video, how to comment with tact (most of the time), that I really have it in me to produce 3-6 blog posts a week.

Yet I still have so many questions: Where do I want to see my blog in 5 years? What did I expect to achieve in a year? How do I handle all the comments, criticism, etc.? What’s an RSS feed? Who has time for all the wonderful blogs out there?

And then I had a brilliant idea!

Help me celebrate this wonderful blogging community we’ve created together. Let’s share the wealth. Share the knowledge. Or just share a few laughs.

On Friday, August 13th, yours truly will have been blogging for exactly one year. On that day I challenge you to post on one of the following topics: greatest gift from blogging, greatest surprise from blogging, best blog tip you ever learned, your evolution as a blogger, how do you handle all the comments on your blog?, what is your version of successful blogging?, what blog posts to you hate to see?, your favorite post topics to read, any other topic that pertains to blogging that you can think of. (Hey, I’m that easy!)

We’ll all meet back here on Friday, August 13th and link and share tips, tricks or just titters. Your choice.

Help me celebrate my year of meeting all of you! Start crafting those fabulous posts you are all so capable of writing and let’s share! The more the merrier! (Yes, this means you, little Miss Lurker. C’mon. It’ll be fun!)

(And maybe by then I’ll learn how to link more efficiently. Ck? Sarah?)

The Evolution Of A Blogger Or What Jane Will Write To Get Dessert

I have evolved.

Into what, I don’t know. But I know I’m different. I know that I possess more information than I ever thought I would about blogging. I also know that I know very little about the world of blogging.

My one year anniversary is coming up in August and I still feel like a newbie. But then, one of you visits my blog and you really are a newbie. Showing all the same, desperate signs I used to.

You know the signs. Commenting anywhere and everywhere. Plugging your blog, not knowing that your name is already linked. Singing the praises of a blogger you barely know. (Oh wait, that was just me.)

And then your traffic picks up a little. And you have a lot more comments. So, while you’re commenting everywhere and anywhere, just trying to keep up, the laundry falls behind and you start feeding your family more take-out. And you stop and say,

“THIS IS MADNESS!”

So you stop. You breathe. And you adjust.

You start writing 5 posts a week and not 6. And then wheedle it down to 4. You use the “extra” days of the week to catch up on comments or writing brilliant posts.

But it never seems enough.

And you start wondering…who am I? Why am I here? Do people really care about what I have to say? Why doesn’t SallyJo look at my blog anymore? What if I run out of ideas? What if I’ve plateaued? What does it mean to have more readers? Do I really need that validation? Can I have an ice cream sandwich? (Oh. Sorry. Just me again.)

Who am I? I am Jane. I speak my  mind. Sometimes it’s intelligent or insightful or indescribable (because I babble) but never insidious.

Why am I here? Because I saw a silly movie about a blogger and thought, Hey! I can do that! (And then started singing “I Can Do That” from A Chorus Line.)

Do people really care about what I have to say? Apparently. And you’re still here reading. I have to say, I’m a tad amazed that people still check in. That I haven’t gotten too stale, tired or boring. Thanks. I appreciate your stamina.

Why doesn’t SallyJo look at my blog anymore? I have to admit. This has me stumped. I don’t know why, but I miss SallyJo. (Names were changed to protect the neglectful.) I also have to admit, I don’t check in on her blog much anymore, either. It’s not a tit-for-tat kind of thing. I just wasn’t finding anything of interest. And my comments started to feel empty. But now, MillieSue? I miss her, too. And her blog is fantastic. She used to comment here all the time. I always have something to comment on her posts. But she’s stopped coming here, too. No matter how often I visit her. I just don’t get it.

What if I run out of ideas? Me? Run out of things to say? I’m actually laughing out loud here. Nope. Not Jane. Sure, I need a little nudge now and then and that’s where Google searches come in so handy. But let’s get real here. I might suffer a little slump but I’ll crawl right out of it.

What if I’ve plateaued? Now this, I do worry about. I may not run out of ideas but what if my writing never improves? Or, while I might have something to say, I never find a more creative way to say it? What if my 12 faithful readers are all I’ll ever have? Which leads me to…

 What does it mean to have more readers?  Do I need more people to feel guilty about not having the time to read their blog, too? Am I really like the Facebook fanatic that simply MUST have 10,000 friends? Isn’t it just more important to connect with someone, anyone…as in any one person out there? Yes. It is. But my emotional-10th grade-self still would love more readers.

Do I really need that validation? I suppose I do. That is where I have evolved. I enjoy writing. I enjoy engaging other readers. I enjoy being inspired and entertained by other bloggers. But I also enjoy the validation that comes with comments and emails, knowing that others hear what I have to say and are moved enough to say so. But quite honestly, I don’t like it that I have that need, no matter how small. So that is where I am evolving to. To a place where validation isn’t necessary. Wish me luck.

Can I have an ice cream sandwich? Yes, Jane. You have completed yet another post. You can have an ice cream sandwich.

Mmmmmmmm!

Jane Readjusts Her Halo And Sets The Record Straight

I can breathe again! My little blog traffic graph is settling into its familiar groove. All of you have more elbow room when you enter my humble blog.

Ahhhh….Stretch out people! Relax!

For my dear, regular readers, I don’t think I have to explain my sense of humor. You were all keenly aware of yesterday’s tongue in cheek title, “Jane Finds God…” and my later quip, “God? Who is this God of which you speak?”

For my dear, new readers…..lemme ‘splain somethin’ to ya’…..

I am spiritual. I do believe in God. I go to church. I pray. I pray a lot. It’s what I do.

I do not go to any one church all the time.  I’ve been known to go to a synagogue. I’ve set foot in a mosque. I have a healthy curiosity in all spiritual choices and am continually questioning my own.

However, I don’t go into much of my beliefs here, on this blog. “Why?” you ask (halo tilted, pointing out scripture that says I should proclaim my faith from the rooftops). Because. I can’t. I won’t. And you can’t make me.

My husband calls me a “cherry picker” when it comes to my beliefs. I pick what I like and I skip over what I don’t feel comfortable with. Proselytizing is not something I can do. And you won’t find any of that here.

Your well-intentioned emails to me are appreciated. It’s kind of you to be worried for my soul. But have no fear. The God I believe in doesn’t give a wit if I sing his praises publicly or not.

But the reactions to my post yesterday have reminded me of comments made earlier on my blog (“I know you don’t believe in God but…”) and have re-stirred a curiosity that follows me in life (and I suspect, in my bloggy neighborhood.)

I tend to attract people who are either deeply religious (who later dump me when they find out they can’t convert me to THEIR religion) or agnostic/atheist. I have some friends in between but the two extremes are the ones who stand out.

The deeply religious cling to me (at first) because I’m a pretty moral, ethical person. OK. I’m a goody-goody. Fine. I’m Miss Polly Purebred. (There. I said it.) But lest you think I’m perfect, please, speak to my husband. He’ll confirm I am far from it.

That said, I still hate it that my neighbor steals course time on the golf course and leers after my daughter (the leering being the biggest irritation, of course.) I don’t drink very much. In fact, I’m a light weight. One glass of wine is tops for me – unless you want to see me without a top, which you don’t. Trust me. I’ve never smoked. And I’ve never tried illicit drugs.

But then, the deeply religious find out that I don’t care if other people drink. I think marijuana should be legal. I struggle with the death penalty and would never judge a woman for her choice in her right to choose.

With my agnostic/atheist friends? I think they’re just plain relieved that I’m not going to try to convert them and I accept them for who they are.

“One mountain, many paths.” It takes all kinds to make the world go ’round. In the huge scheme of things I suppose I really do like it that there are people out there stealing golf course time (although I could do without the leering). It challenges me to question, strengthen or change my belief system.

I want people in my life or at my blog who believe different things. I embrace those that live their life differently from mine. My regular readers are a crazy, amazing, interesting, fascinating bunch of souls. We have created our own sanctuary where all opinions matter and have relevance.

And you’re welcome to join in the fray. There are no dues, no rules, no attendance requirements. The only thing we won’t tolerate here is mean-spiritedness.

Oh, but you must leave comments. Because everyone loves comments.

Get Your Wrinkled Boobs Right Here At Theycallmejane’s Blog! Hurry! Get ‘Em While They Last!

Ok. That does it. Wrinkled Boobs. You heard me right. Somebody searched for wrinkled boobs and they were directed to my blog. First of all, wrinkled boobs? Are you kidding me? Why? Why in God’s name are you searching wrinkled boobs? I can’t stop giggling. That is just weirder than weird. Second, why in the world were you directed to my blog? I can’t, for the life of me, figure out what I could have possibly written that had both wrinkled and boobs in it.

We all tossed around this idea before and I’m just making it official….I have an assignment for all of you out there: Over the next week start collecting your strangest, wildest search engine terms – the terms people used to find your blog. On Friday, November 13 let’s all meet back here and share. I’ll post some of my crazy ones and you can leave a comment posting yours. Or, if you’ve written about it, as well, please comment here so we can run over to your blog and check it out. If you can figure out which post it may have referred to – go ahead and include that as well.

This should be very entertaining! I’m looking forward to seeing what pops up!

(Update: If you Google “wrinkled boobs” 1.1 million results pop up and I’m #1!)

What To Do When You’re At A Loss For Words? Play Around With Google, Of Course!

I was in the habit of writing posts when the mood struck (which was often) and then scheduling them to be posted. I was getting so ahead of myself my body had a hard time keeping up with my brain. My brain was already wearing tomorrow’s outfit and my body was taking off my shoes from the day before. Posts were just spilling out of my head and onto the keyboard. I was more than a week ahead of myself.

Until now.

 I just realized I had nothin’. Not a thing scheduled for tomorrow.

The little angel on my right shoulder said, “Come on, now. You can do it. Just cozy up to the keyboard and write. You have so many wonderful things to say.”

The little devil on my left shoulder said, “Awwww, skip it. Who really looks in on you daily, anyway? Just those weirdos searching for moms doin’ dirty things. Go downstairs, open up the Halloween candy a little early (ok, it’s already open…you caught me) and watch one of the 100 shows you have TiVo’d.”

The little angel on the right shoulder said, “No. Your public awaits. They’ll be so sad to have to look at yesterday’s post all over again. You MUST add something new!”

The little devil on the left shoulder said, “Mmmmmm…some chocolate sure sounds good right about now.”

Guess who won?

Hey! Ye of little faith….read on.

For inspiration I decided to Google “top ten reasons for….,” just for kicks and giggles, to see what comes up. Among the suggestions were “Top ten reasons for divorce” Intriguing. So I clicked it. There were 2, 360, ooo hits. Quite a lot of people pondering that issue. I decided to investigate other reasons for top ten lists. Below are the rest of my findings.

Top Ten Reasons Sarah Palin Resigned – 164,000,000. That’s million. Are you kidding me? I had no idea that many people cared.

Top Ten Reasons to Date a Wrestler – only 272,000 results. I betcha I can think of #272,001.

Top Ten Reasons for Getting Fired – over 1,000,000 results. There are articles on the reasons, the causes. There’s even articles on warning signs. Thank God I’m a SAHM. Job security is lookin’ pretty great right about now.

Top Ten Reasons You Might Be A Jedi Redneck – Really. I can’t make this up. Approximately 2,950 hits for this search. Now, I know Jedis. (My husband is a big Star Wars fan) And I know rednecks. (I live in the southern United States). But how do the twain meet? How, I ask you?

Top Ten Reasons I Procrastinate – Only 102,000 hits there. Come. On. Now! Procrastination is an art form, carefully crafted by many. Only 102,000 hits? We got a lot of people in denial out there, and I ain’t talkin’ about a swim down a famous river.

Top Ten Reasons Against Evolution – First of all, against? Like it’s a choice? Ok, so the number of results? 2, 960,000. Almost 3 million.

Top Ten Reasons for Bathing – Only 177,000. I thought I smelled something funny.

Top Ten Reasons Couples Fight – There were 2, 540,000 results for that. I bet my husband and I could add a few more.

Top Ten Reasons Gay Marriage Is Wrong – Another 2 million plus results. Someone tell me why we’re spending any time on this issue? Really? Behind closed doors. Consenting adults. Doesn’t affect my taxes. Two people love each other. Oooooooooo. Scary.

Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women – 3, 220,000 results. And the Top Ten Reasons Women Are Better Than Men? 29, 400,000. Let me say that again, gentlemen. Twenty nine million, four hundred thousand. Somebody’s got some catching up to do!

Top Ten Reasons Not to Get a Toller – What the heck is a toller? There were only 4,040 hits. So I’m not the only one who is in the dark on that one.

Top Ten Reasons to Vote Democrat –  There were 2, 010,000 results.  But only 1.4 million hits to vote republican. Hmmmmm.

Top Ten Reasons Why I Love You – 45,000,000. But that must be a typo. Surely there are more hits out there? Because love is what makes the world go round. And I just want to shout out to all of you out there,  I LOVE YOU! (You’re the best. You really are. Now, go hug someone.)

Increase Your Blog Traffic in Just 16 Key Strokes!

Want more traffic to your blog? I know how to get it. Shhhhh……lean in and I’ll whisper it in your ear. Closer…closer….there. The secret? Mention a celebrity name in your blog.

I auto-posted my post for Saturday – the one with the awards I received and passed along to other bloggers. And in that post I mentioned 7 random facts about myself. When I got  up the next morning I logged on to alert my recipients of their award and visits to my blog were nearly off the charts – for me, anyway.

I was honored. Touched. You DO like me! And then I started brainstorming – people must have loved what I said about the model industry or our perception of the world we live in. That must be it! I am the prolific writer I always strived to be (ok, for the last two months anyway.)

But after further investigation I realized most of my hits were from some celebrity siting website and they were currently discussing a Kiefer Sutherland siting. I mentioned Kiefer (yeah, we’re on a first name basis) in my last post.

Darn.

I thought I’d made it in Bloggy World. But I’m just a shameless name dropper. The kind you avoid at parties.

Hmmmmm….

Just think of the traffic I would have received had I mentioned Taylor Swift, Michael Jackson or Megan Fox?

(Oooooo…I’m shameless that way.)