I was in the habit of writing posts when the mood struck (which was often) and then scheduling them to be posted. I was getting so ahead of myself my body had a hard time keeping up with my brain. My brain was already wearing tomorrow’s outfit and my body was taking off my shoes from the day before. Posts were just spilling out of my head and onto the keyboard. I was more than a week ahead of myself.
I just realized I had nothin’. Not a thing scheduled for tomorrow.
The little angel on my right shoulder said, “Come on, now. You can do it. Just cozy up to the keyboard and write. You have so many wonderful things to say.”
The little devil on my left shoulder said, “Awwww, skip it. Who really looks in on you daily, anyway? Just those weirdos searching for moms doin’ dirty things. Go downstairs, open up the Halloween candy a little early (ok, it’s already open…you caught me) and watch one of the 100 shows you have TiVo’d.”
The little angel on the right shoulder said, “No. Your public awaits. They’ll be so sad to have to look at yesterday’s post all over again. You MUST add something new!”
The little devil on the left shoulder said, “Mmmmmm…some chocolate sure sounds good right about now.”
Guess who won?
Hey! Ye of little faith….read on.
For inspiration I decided to Google “top ten reasons for….,” just for kicks and giggles, to see what comes up. Among the suggestions were “Top ten reasons for divorce” Intriguing. So I clicked it. There were 2, 360, ooo hits. Quite a lot of people pondering that issue. I decided to investigate other reasons for top ten lists. Below are the rest of my findings.
Top Ten Reasons Sarah Palin Resigned – 164,000,000. That’s million. Are you kidding me? I had no idea that many people cared.
Top Ten Reasons to Date a Wrestler – only 272,000 results. I betcha I can think of #272,001.
Top Ten Reasons for Getting Fired – over 1,000,000 results. There are articles on the reasons, the causes. There’s even articles on warning signs. Thank God I’m a SAHM. Job security is lookin’ pretty great right about now.
Top Ten Reasons You Might Be A Jedi Redneck – Really. I can’t make this up. Approximately 2,950 hits for this search. Now, I know Jedis. (My husband is a big Star Wars fan) And I know rednecks. (I live in the southern United States). But how do the twain meet? How, I ask you?
Top Ten Reasons I Procrastinate – Only 102,000 hits there. Come. On. Now! Procrastination is an art form, carefully crafted by many. Only 102,000 hits? We got a lot of people in denial out there, and I ain’t talkin’ about a swim down a famous river.
Top Ten Reasons Against Evolution – First of all, against? Like it’s a choice? Ok, so the number of results? 2, 960,000. Almost 3 million.
Top Ten Reasons for Bathing – Only 177,000. I thought I smelled something funny.
Top Ten Reasons Couples Fight – There were 2, 540,000 results for that. I bet my husband and I could add a few more.
Top Ten Reasons Gay Marriage Is Wrong – Another 2 million plus results. Someone tell me why we’re spending any time on this issue? Really? Behind closed doors. Consenting adults. Doesn’t affect my taxes. Two people love each other. Oooooooooo. Scary.
Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women – 3, 220,000 results. And the Top Ten Reasons Women Are Better Than Men? 29, 400,000. Let me say that again, gentlemen. Twenty nine million, four hundred thousand. Somebody’s got some catching up to do!
Top Ten Reasons Not to Get a Toller – What the heck is a toller? There were only 4,040 hits. So I’m not the only one who is in the dark on that one.
Top Ten Reasons to Vote Democrat – There were 2, 010,000 results. But only 1.4 million hits to vote republican. Hmmmmm.
Top Ten Reasons Why I Love You – 45,000,000. But that must be a typo. Surely there are more hits out there? Because love is what makes the world go round. And I just want to shout out to all of you out there, I LOVE YOU! (You’re the best. You really are. Now, go hug someone.)
10 Ways To Avoid Writing A Blog Post
10. Do laundry. Lots of laundry. And when you’re done with the laundry, launder things that have never been laundered before. (Yes, I actually did this today. Shoot me now.)
9. Google things. For an hour. When nothing inspires you, Google some more. You just might learn something.
8. Stalk old flames on Facebook. (Embarrassing, but true.)
7. Use Google Earth to check out the neighborhood where you grew up. Count how many blocks you walked to school and notice all the empty lots and boarded up houses. Be glad you still don’t live there.
6. Get rubbing alcohol and some Q-tips. Clean all the gunk between the keyboard keys.
5. Visit all the blogs in your “Needs Further Research” folder looking for inspiration. Realize why they needed further research in the first place.
4. Visit your favorite blogs for inspiration. Realize you will never match their brilliance, hence the reason they are your favorites.
3. Visit the bloggers who comment on other blogs. Realize for as many really great blogs there are, there are twice as many boring ones. (Sorry. Just being honest.)
2. Visit every single person who has ever commented on your blog. Be inspired by their posts. Begin to write your own and realize you are creeping dangerously close to every form of plagiarism out there. Quit while you’re ahead.
And the #1 one way to avoid writing a blog post?
1. Create a list. Any kind of list. And see if anyone notices that it actually turned into a blog post.
Filed under Blogging, Completely Random
Tagged as blogging, blogs, comments, posts, procrastinate, procrastinating, procrastination