I don’t watch Sister Wives religiously. (Ba-dum-bum. Chhhh!) But I have seen a few episodes, most recently, the one when they go back to the husband’s hometown for the first time as an open polygamist family. His friends from high school were very frank about their feelings towards him, then and now. Some were favorable. Some not so much.
The episode began to nudge me into a direction about how I feel. On one hand, it goes against everything I feel about monogomy. And to be fair, they think of themselves as monogamous. Their monogamy is just not my monogamy. On the other hand, wouldn’t it be nice to have that kind of help, friendship, incredibly close comradery with other women. Women who would totally get my frustrations with my (our?) husband, kids, life. But then, I go back to the first hand and think about theological concerns I have with the faith. So, that’s where I stay.
I’m conflicted. For myself. The shows Big Love and Sister Wives have pushed me out of my comfort zone. And that’s ok for me. It has, however, stirred my passion for tolerance and acceptance of others who may not believe as I believe.
And it got me thinking.
If polygamy were legal, between age-appropriate and consenting adults, wouldn’t it be that much easier to prosecute the Warren Jeffs of the world? Think of all the people who could openly come forward with pertinent information regarding the abuse of young girls.
Behind closed doors, between age-appropriate, consenting adults, I don’t really care what happens. It doesn’t affect me.
What hurts us all is the abuse of young girls, forced to marry or young boys, forced out of their homes.
Horrible cults will never go away. We should always prosecute and condemn those who take advantage or neglect the welfare of our children. But if two (or three, or four…dare I say more?) adults fundamentally believe in a plural marriage? Who am I to judge?
A close friend was going through some struggles in her marriage. And if you believe in coincidences, a blast from her past appeared unexpectedly. They ran into each other at a sporting event. She was with her husband and 2 other couples. They chatted about old times and he encouraged them (a few of the people in the party, including my friend) to stay in touch. Well, she did. One thing led to another and they were about to do something they probably shouldn’t but she stopped.
She has a loving husband. Beautiful children. Comfortable home. Good job. Loving friends and family. She was so embarrassed and upset that she had been tempted. But things weren’t as perfect as they seemed in her marriage and she started listing all of the cons in her relationship with her husband. The magic is gone. He doesn’t appreciate me. His priorities always take precedence. And on. And on.
I asked her to look at the pros. But all she could think of was the excitement that this ex was providing. She was so caught up with the magic she couldn’t see why they had ended it so long ago. And I told her; The grass isn’t greener. It’s just different.
Some varieties need more attention, more water. They need to be cut more often and edged a certain way. Others are less needy. You can skip watering and let nature take care of it. It doesn’t need to be weeded or fertilized. There are so many varieties out there. You have to decide which variety is best for your lawn, where you’re living and how much time you have to devote to it. You make your decision and then work with it.
I’m so glad my friend decided not to go back to her ex. She’s making it work with her husband. But recently she told me that when I told her about “the grass not being greener” she was just listening politely to me. She didn’t really get it. It didn’t hit her until the ex said something that dragged her back to reality. It brought back all of the reasons why they had broken up and she didn’t want to deal with such a high maintenance lawn.
She liked her life the way it was. She was familiar with this variety. And while there was some weeding to do and she never could quite get which fertilizer to use when; it WAS a beautiful lawn.