Could You Be A Sister Wife?

I’m not sure I could.

I don’t watch Sister Wives religiously. (Ba-dum-bum. Chhhh!) But I have seen a few episodes, most recently, the one when they go back to the husband’s hometown for the first time as an open polygamist family. His friends from high school were very frank about their feelings towards him, then and now. Some were favorable. Some not so much.

The episode began to nudge me into a direction about how I feel. On one hand, it goes against everything I feel about monogomy. And to be fair, they think of themselves as monogamous. Their monogamy is just not my monogamy. On the other hand, wouldn’t it be nice to have that kind of help, friendship, incredibly close comradery with other women. Women who would totally get my frustrations with my (our?) husband, kids, life. But then, I go back to the first hand and think about theological concerns I have with the faith. So, that’s where I stay.

I’m conflicted. For myself. The shows Big Love and Sister Wives have pushed me out of my comfort zone. And that’s ok for me. It has, however,  stirred my passion for tolerance and acceptance of others who may not believe as I believe.

And it got me thinking.

If polygamy were legal, between age-appropriate and consenting adults, wouldn’t it be that much easier to prosecute the Warren Jeffs of the world? Think of all the people who could openly come forward with pertinent information regarding the abuse of young girls.

Behind closed doors, between age-appropriate, consenting adults, I don’t really care what happens. It doesn’t affect me.

What hurts us all is the abuse of young girls, forced to marry or young boys, forced out of their homes.

Horrible cults will never go away. We should always prosecute and condemn those who take advantage or neglect the welfare of our children. But if two (or three, or four…dare I say more?) adults fundamentally believe in a plural marriage? Who am I to judge?


So now you know my fuzzy opinion.

What’s yours?


Filed under Because I'm Curious

10 responses to “Could You Be A Sister Wife?

  1. monica

    I am ashamed to say but I find myself becoming slightly addicted to the show in the same way I WAS with the bachelor many years ago. I dont know what draws me in…is it the unbelievable reality that a family thats seems pretty normal(except for sharing a husband) exists and I can be a fly on their walls.(many houses..). Or it is that I wonder what my life would be like if I was married to Cody and had such nice sister wives?
    In my reality…I would want Cody all for myself.I would want to have sister wives but I would have to be his secret favorite. But thats with my vision. They see things apparently differently…at least that is what they claim.

    I dont know how I feel about making it legal.Who says that they wont be able to hid the young girls marrying if it was legal?
    I agree that adults can do what they want in accordance with their religious beliefs if it doesn’t hurt anyone. But we have to be so careful with THAT.
    Look at what happens to young girls in some countries being forced to have a circumsition.(is that what its called for girls?) ugh? And ..lets not forget that it is not just young girls but women of these religions are not given a free choice in many major decisons like who they want to marry,if they want to leave their religion etc. And we know what can happen in those situations as well! I read many books written by such women.
    so…if pologamy is really a FREE choice? Or are they being guilted into it from family?
    well…in any case the show is very interesting an I will admit I would like to have sister wives…but not share the same husband.

  2. I don’t think I share that well. I agree with you that what goes on behind closed doors, behind age-appropriate, consenting adults has no effect on me or my life. We make our own choices and live our own lives and it is not up to me to judge. It is my choice not to participate.

  3. There is a part of me that says polygamy should be an option to those who wish to live that way. And then comes the part of me that says that rarely can one man provide the economic and emotional support for so many wives and children. Thus it falls on the government (i.e. you and I) to provide assistance in the form of welfare and Medicaid.

    And then there is this REALLY wicked part of me. I look at some of the husbands and listen to what they say and I think, “Do we really want to promote that gene pool?” (I warned you that it was wicked.)

  4. “Behind closed doors, between age-appropriate, consenting adults, I don’t really care what happens. It doesn’t affect me.” <— This is the same way I feel about this and other things like gay marriage. I think, "what the world needs now, is love sweet love…" and that means different things for different people. Me, I am straight single monogamist, but that doesn't mean everyone needs to be.

  5. I was foggy on the whole thing, and have not watched the show at all. But one comment strikes me; that one man can not support that many wives and children and who picks up the tab? Well hopefully in this case, the show supports the family, but in general are these families on assistance? Do the children get the health care, nutrition, schooling that they need? Who pays for everything?

    Of course these are the same questions you could ask of any family that has many more children than they can financially support, it’s not just this particular type of family.

  6. So funnyt hat you post about this. Some moms and I were sitting at a game yesterday talking about “if we could do the sister wives” thing. I had just finished saying that my husband has massive pms. and the topic came up. We came up with our own version…seperate houses for each wife, a common area for and then. We skipped over the sharing of sexual relations, because it was a tongue in cheek conversation

  7. To be frank, I think some of us have “shared” and known it (also called turning a blind eye), but generally with one (and not willingly, if we felt we had a choice).

    As for being a sister wife?

    My short answer – no. But then again, I wasn’t raised into that culture. For those who are – or some subset – perhaps it all seems just fine.

  8. Thank you for your comments. And as for the supporting your wives/kids – good point. But on Sister Wives, it appears that they are very self-sufficient and not receiving any public assistance at all. But great point, all the same.

    But I’m wondering…..can you delete/edit your vote on the poll? I could have sworn we had at least one vote for “Absolutely. Not only do I think it should be legal, I’d consider it for myself if the conditions were right.” Now, there are none. (Hmmmm. I must be seeing things. Right?)

  9. sandra

    Where do you get they are self sufficent?? I never see Kody leave for work?? When they were in Utah the wives worked…google Kody you will see no real income???
    TV must pay very very well 4 houses,4 wives and 18 children and no one works…?????
    Sure would like answers on that front.

  10. wilkinson4jesus

    We believe that polygamy should be legal and is an acceptable way of life according to the Bible. We have been looking for a sister wife for a year or so now and have seriously courted two woman over this time in our search. It is not for everyone, but think that others should not have the right to tell grown adults how they may live or with whom. We love the idea of the close bond and sisterhood. If given the “legal choice” we feel there are many others who would see the advantages.

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