Writing about my divorce yesterday stirred up memories.
And then my blog friend Leslie at Five To Nine wrote about her courageous announcement to her parents when she became engaged at a young age, like me.
I noticed the calendar.
25 years ago today.
Yes, I was a child bride. Well, not a child. 21. But too young to know what I was choosing. Too young for me.
He was 10 years older than me. He had a successful career. He knew what he wanted. Who he was. I was still stifled by my parents. I wanted out. Out from their control. Away from my childhood.
And I was in love. I was following my heart. On that May 11th, 25 years ago, just before going out the door to arrive at the church, Katrina and the Waves came on MTV singing “Walking On Sunshine.”
“Wait,” I said to my sister, “I love this song!”
“We’re going to be late,” my sister said.
“I don’t care. I want this song in my heart today.”
So I sat there, with my hair and make-up expertly done, veil already attached. Wearing blue jeans, t-shirt and flip-flops. Soaking up the song. Singing along. Smiling like a fool.
I was so happy that day. So excited to start my new life.
As soon as it was over we raced to the church to get properly dressed, humming that song, dancing with my sister in the courtyard while we sang.
Every time after, whenever I’d hear that song I’d remember that beautiful day. My wedding day was like a fairytale. I have no bad memories. Nothing went wrong. Not that I can remember, anyway.
And then. Eleven years later. We divorced.
Not that popular of a song anymore, I rarely heard it. But when I did, I would fall into a sad little funk. What was I thinking? How could I have been so blind? I was so stupid.
Slowly, gradually, I’d hear the catchy refrain and I’d catch myself humming along. And I realized, it no longer reminded me of something I’d lost. It reminded me of what I was living now.
“Walking on sunshine. I feel alive. And it’s time to feel good!”
Always the optimist, always glass half full, “Walking On Sunshine” still has a power over me. If it comes on the radio I have to turn it up. If I’m home, I have to dance around the room with a child in hand. I grin like a fool every time I hear it.
Yes, 25 years ago today I took a chance on something that failed.
No. Not failed.
And today I’m experiencing a new chapter – dancing, laughing, singing, crying. I have no idea where this chapter is taking me.
But I’m having a blast while I’m in it!